My 4th Drawing Book And Shiz

Y'know its kinda funny

To think that you already have a good life and made friends and begin to be closer with them

But then you realize that that's not just it

Tbh I kinda am terrified at the fact that the entire Earth is filled with so many stories of people's lives that strangers don't even know about

Like you look at a stranger and can't even begin to imagine what their life is like

You cant feel the pain, the joy and the fun they've experienced and went through.

It's like my own definition of infinite worlds or universes that each has a unique story to tell

But that's when the terrifying part comes in

It's just
There's so much you don't know about from other people's lives that it makes you believe that every interaction you have with them could have a different and unique reaction when comparing it to others

There is so much stuff you don't know about and so little to talk about it

Then there's my neighbors

I literally don't wanna even describe what happened when I heard my neighbors

It frightened me

There's a fence between or houses so I can't even tell what's happening through sight.

I rely on sounds but that just makes things so much worse

You don't know what's going on
You don't know if what you're hearing is what you're actually hearing
You don't know if so much pain is happening if only you could just look

It's been racing in my mind
I've been scared of what things actually happened on the other side of the fence
Sometimes I wish I knew but sometimes I'm glad I didn't

And sometimes I regret not doing anything about it
There was so much pain in what I've heard and I just sat there, texting my friend and having him comfort me.
I could barely move. He told me to call the cops but I just couldn't. I hate calling the cops. Especially if I'm not sure what I'm reporting is actually what I think I'm reporting

I was sitting there on the couch, crying and breathing so heavily and hugging a blanket

I couldn't tell my little brother of course. My mom and dad weren't there when it happened. They both had jobs and I was the only person to rely on

Luckily my little brother was wearing headphones and playing, so he probably couldn't understand what was happening

And I'm glad he didn't understand.

My older sister was on vacation since she graduated so she was away.

It literally scared me
That whole situation was a living nightmare
And I just let it happen
Sometimes I can't help but think it's all my fault

Dammit I wanted to help so badly
But I just couldn't handle it like I thought I could.

When I pass by my neighbor's front yard when I walk my dog I just hope to any god out there for me not to actually know whose voice I heard that night

I barely know them and don't know other people who live there

But all I know is that that experience is gonna be printed on the back of my head forever
And I can't help but hate myself because of it

Okay I'm sorry I just needed to get that off my chest because oh my god I have never told anyone about it except my friend who comforted me during that night

He's literally the only person I think actually cares about what happened that night
Especially since I talked with him on a group chat
And I can't help but be surprised because he's like the last person who could seem to care about my health
When I actually met him the first time, like actually actually met him irl, he was so sweet.
But of course, he became one of my best friends and made me look into him like he didn't care if my feelings got hurt

I've been missing out on actual hugs lately and I wanted to hug him so badly

So in conclusion, I appreciate him so immensely for being there for me

I feel like my own therapist

It's free but makes me sound so crazy

Anyway
Have this to maybe help you ease away from my bs

(I got this from _TMAG_ btw)