Middle School

Chapter 9: 9/17/20

This week has been complete crap; I got rejected by Charlotte, which just sucked. I shouldn't feel bad about her not having feelings, but it's like I'm crazy about this person, and they don't reciprocate those feelings back AT ALL. I mean, it's not like I can really blame her for not having feelings for me. I don't have ANYTHING good qualities about myself that she would find attractive. I can't expect a person to like me when they're not attracted to me in any way. Then it just sucks knowing the way I feel around her is probably EXACTLY how she feels about Paul. Like what the fricc is so amazing about Paul anyway? Is he really that much better than me? It's starting to feel like there are always people just way better than me. Even the two things I'm good at - there are people way better than I am. Take basketball for example. I've been playing like complete garbage lately, and it doesn't look like I'll even come CLOSE to making the school basketball team. Then there's math, and even though I love Regina, she'll always be better than me at it and it gets annoying. She does practice math A LOT, and she takes it seriously, too. But I do too, so the huge gap between us never closes up. Maybe I'm just too dumb to talk about this. I WOULD talk to someone about all of this but, I can't. I rant a lot and I feel like I start annoying most of the people I do rant to. I ranted to Charlotte a lot but I don't really think I can talk to her. She gave me the friend speech which is basically just a way of saying " I don't want to date you, and I didn't want to let you down. So I'm gonna say we can stay friends but then I'm gonna avoid you." I'm gonna bring my journal to school today because I need to rant to something. I GOT TO MY BUS STOP TEN MINUTES EARLY AND I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR 30 MINUTES. My bus driver skipped my stop; I've never been more pissed off in my life. Like what the actual fricc? My mom's at work so of course, she can't drive me. So, I'm walking to school. I'll probably be back when I'm taking notes in science.

Okay so, Mr. Wilson is a great teacher and I honestly love the dude. It's not his fault but the district thinks we're idiots. SO THEY GAVE US THE EASIEST CURRICULUM. He's explaining how energy transfer works or something, so I'm listening to Twenty-One Pilots while I write in here. Twenty-One Pilots is like the only thing that can distract me from you know who. Mr. Wilson is pretty chill though. He keeps bringing up this test we have in a week and I know I still won't remember the notes. I'm not in a mood to actually listen right now. I have art with Regina next, and I feel bad; I'm not really in a talking mood. But I don't want her feeling bored... She's gonna probably tell me I'm a "mood" again. Which, isn't really even real. Like, when I'm sad, I'm the same as everyone else, and I'm happy a good 70 percent of the time. She says I'm "on my period" as a joke when I'm not feeling well. Which is actually really funny - I don't know how I don't laugh when I hear it.

Now I'm in ELA, and we're taking notes on something but I don't really care what it is. I should probably start paying attention in my classes, but it's just a review of the previous year. Mrs. Smith is also really annoying, so if she sees me staring at my desk and moving my pencil for 80 minutes she might get ALL the way off my back. Charlotte loves her ELA class. Her ELA class sounds way better than mine. Another unfortunate part of not having classes with her. WAIT NO. I'm not supposed to think about her at all. Omg, Jamie showed Mrs. Smith that our grading websites logo looks exactly like a swastika. I'm dying - our principle must've been a Nazi. ELA is over, so I'll probably be back here once math class comes around.

Lunch was okay at best. My friends kept trying to cheer me up, but there wasn't really anything they could do. At least they care, though. Callie brought up making a museum on sexual education. She says she would make the whole exhibit a vagina that you walk into. Stupid things like this make me laugh. Callie's great - I would definitely look to her if I wanted to drink all my problems away. She's Mexican, so she obviously has an endless supply of tequila. During soccer I tripped Paul, but it wasn't on purpose. I felt really bad for doing it, honestly. I'm in math and we're doing point-slope form. I don't know why we need point-slope form EVER, so I didn't pay attention at all.

I'm finally back from hell. Well, I'm not really since I'm stuck in hell called my th-