Middle School

Chapter 11: 9/18/20

My weekend was devoid of activity, and thus, I spent a lot of my time contemplating matters. Such as the intense repugnance I'm feeling about myself. An hour after the boat trip, I was expeditiously consumed by a continuity of despondence and on top of this, my weekend was utterly dull. This is why I read the dictionary for an hour. 

I couldn't get my mind off of how Charlotte isn't attracted to me in any way. It just feels like there's nothing exceptional about me for her to even like. I'm just some slothful nerd who makes horrible jokes. I can't believe I was surprised that she likes Paul more than me. If I hate myself, why wouldn't everyone else? It was absurd to think she would reciprocate these feelings.

I hate feeling the need to talk with her. I despise wanting to hold her. I detest the anguish I feel when I face reality and realize she'll never look at me like she looks at Paul. This weekend I felt nothing but hatred and misery, and now I have to go to school and deal with this continuous pain while I pretend like I'm fine. 

Generally, when I feel like this I'd go to Charlotte but I can't do that now. I don't wanna make her feel guilty when she did nothing wrong. I do lo- I mean like her I'M ONLY 13. I just don't want to be the degenerate who corrupts her mood.

I need to get my mind off of this. Tomorrow is the first basketball try out and Thursday is the second. Then I have Junior cub tryouts, which is our local high school's league for 8th grades.  If I can make both of these teams there'll be something to distract me. 

Also, Regina's not taking the normal accelerated math path. She's doing a lot of studying at home and is skipping a bunch of classes. Normally she would be in Algebra II but she's skipping that to go into Geometry and Trigonometry, which she also knows most of. If I don't learn all of Algebra II, I would be 2 years behind her. I'd prefer death. Oh, look. My bus is leaving its spot

This day got exponentially worse as I vigorously chased down the bus for THREE blocks; side note I didn't have my shoes on so I had to hold them. I'm fairly sure that was the lowest point of my life. I had to walk to school since my mom wasn't home, and guess what? I GOT TO SCHOOL TWENTY MINUTES LATE! Mr. Wilson wasn't angry, he doesn't really care about much. He's pretty laid back, like most science teachers. 

I didn't listen today because all we did was learn about kinetic energy. Essentially, how things get hot or cold. It's unbearable; eight year-olds could learn this and understand. So I stare at the floor and escape from reality, this only lasted fifty minutes till this DISGUSTING CRETIN asked me for help with yesterdays math homework. Mr. Wilson must have finished the lesson. 

Her name was Madison, she was this blonde who usually asks me for help with math. I know I sound very mean but today just isn't really my day. So when she came up to me I have her a death glare but helped her anyway. She's lucky she's a petite woman or else I would've just ignored her. I don't know why but I would've felt bad. 

Art was uneventful, but in tutorial, Ava told me SHE AND PAUL STARTED DATING. Paul is very lucky, Ava's pretty great. Charlotte must feel bitter about this because Paul dating another person. Ava seems deliriously happy about dating Paul. So she either likes him a lot or is on cocaine, she is definitely on cocaine. I just tell her I'm happy for her, which I am, and now Charlotte and Paul can't date now I guess. It makes no difference to me, I can't have her either. '

Today everything has little to no significance to me. In ELA I sat my desk played my emo music and stared at the floor. Today was a catch-up day, and I finished all my work from previous days so I didn't need to do anything, but of course, Mrs. Smith comes up and tells me she doesn't believe I could have EVERYTHING done. Maybe if she graded faster she would be able to see that I have everything done. So I just tell her that I do, then she ASKS ME TO PROVE IT. To prove it I had to physically get up and go into the turn-in bin, and look for my assignments. THERE'S LIKE 150 papers in there. After I prove to her I've finished all the work, I wait till she turns around and I flip her off. I needed to do it but it would be retarded to do it while she's facing me.

 Charlotte ignored me at lunch. We just glance at each other a few times. Each time more awkward than the last. I don't talk much though until Jamie suggests this anime called Sword Art Online to Mia. IT WAS A HIGHLY DISTURBING ANIME. There was a rape cage, I don't think anyone who still has a will to live should be seeing that. Jamie and I both lost our will to live a while ago, so we can bear with it. I could barley believe Jamie finished the entire show. I couldn't watch past season 1.

Gym was normal, and we're doing functions in math. We had the function √x, and our math teacher was inputting values into this and she tried using -25. Then she outputted five and I raised my hand with so much disappointment. Then once she saw my face she realized the output value is a real number, so she just said never mind, because she wouldn't be able to explain imaginary numbers to anyone. 

So that was my whole day, it sucked. Now I am going to go to sleep for tryouts tomorrow; yes it's only 430 but I don't want to be awake, ever.