Middle School

Entry 12: 9/19/20

Today will either be a repulsive day or just a bad one, and it all depends on if I make the basketball team or not. I probably won't make the team, well I might. I don't think I will but that's mostly because my confidence is at an all time low. At least Charlotte doesn't have a boyfriend or anything, or else I would just completely shut out. Confidence isn't really my strong suit anyway. I'm sad about how annoying she probably finds me and how just unattractive I am in general. The only thing good about me is literally how I'm somewhat good at math, which doesn't even matter because Regina who are way better than me, then others like Callie and Jamie who don't do nearly as much math as me but are just as good as I am. The only thing I have is being so outgoing that I probably make others regret knowing me, then there are other people like stupid Paul who everyone likes because he's attractive, and just great at everything. Unlike me who fails at everything I try. Whatever, I need to go. The bus probably already left anyways.

I hate everything, anything that could possibly go wrong today went wrong. This horrible day started with science which wasn't that bad because all we did was take a test and then we took a few notes on atoms or something. Then I had art with Regina and she tried to make me feel somewhat better about life. The jokes she told would of made me laugh any other day, but today I didn't even pay attention to her I just listened to music. I was kind of looking froward to have elective with Ava but she wasn't here today, so I stared at the floor the whole time. I couldn't even listen to music because of the stupid rule the teacher had with music.

I started walking to ELA when this random guy shoved me and all my stuff fell. I stood up and he started laughing so I blew up on him and started cussing him out.

Mrs. Smith then said, "Ralph calm down, Jamie helped you pick up your stuff. And you, get over here." She ended up writing him up. I just scowled and walked away.

ELA was as bad as usual because we had to read and analyze this story, and I haven't willingly read something in years. Now this is where the worst part of the day started. I was walking to lunch and Charlotte was in front of me, and things were still awkward between us so I didn't want to say hello and have her not answer again. So I just walked behind her while she talked to her friend Rema.

Charlotte said "Things have been going well with John and I, even though we've only been together for three days." then she turned around, saw me, and went bright red.

I just walked out of the lunchroom.

I was so sick of all of it. I punched the wall until my fist hurt. Three days ago? That was the day after I asked her out. How could she do that to me? And didn't she just get over Paul?

I don't remember what else happened that day. I blocked out the rest of my world and only thought about Charlotte. Then a phone alarm went off, reminding me to go to tryouts. I went reluctantly.

I used all my rage to play harder than I ever had before. The coach was a little startled at my "passion" as he called it. Whatever. They said they would have to results at 8. I don't care anymore. At the end the couch said some generic bs about how just because someone didn't make the team doesn't mean that they're bad.

It's its fine minutes past eight, so I should probably check to see if I made the team. I can't find my name, let me try refreshing the page.

Nope.

I didn't make the team.