Jor's Thoughts

Journal Entry 5

I

Can't

Frick

Fracking

SLEEP!

Idk my anxiety and overthinking are at a all time high rn and I can't handle it Bc at night it's worse.

I'm letting my biggest fear consume me and I'm trying to fight it away but I can't make it stop.

I'm so terrified.

And idk how to like fix it.

I wanna be able to go to sleep but I can't

I'm trying to do things that used to help me relax and help me be at peace when I go to sleep but it's so hard.

Ever since my Grandma has been diagnosed with cancer, my anxiety levels jumped like O'Malley higher than they were.

I'm from such a close family that I'm terrified of losing the people I'm closest to. I don't wanna live in a world without any of them and I'm just terrified that one day will be the day I lose them.

And for some reason at night when I'm staying over at my best friends house I'm up at 3 freaking AM typing this emotional junk because my thoughts won't go away.

I feel like I have a million voices in my head screaming at me about everything wrong but then I have another million voices screaming at me about everything that's right and I'm fighting both of them and idk how to stop.

I'm reading quotes, I'm listening to gospel music I'm taking deep breaths but I have yet to find the peacefulness that is a deep sleep.

I love sleeping so much because it shits down all my insane thoughts. And idk why I'm gonna publish this but I am. I figured maybe talking about my largest problem in my life which is my overthinking mind. I thought maybe I would feel better. And it's sort of liberating putting this into words but I'm putting it on a platform where anyone could read it and I know that this won't get a lot of reads because literally who cares about a dumb journal book that some teenager from a small town writes in. But this is for me to see if it helps me and not for attention or reads.

But if by some chance a few people read this...

If you are struggling with what I sort of described above feel free to contact me because I think it's best not to go about this alone.

Kindness is always appreciated and I'm gonna try to get some sleep. I feel a little better writing about my feelings than bottling them up and having a panic attack.

Good night

- Jor :)