the girls of the boys

closer look on self imagery

The sound of splintering wood echoed from the side of the house. Becca jumped a bit from her seat but didn't move from her chair. She already knew what was happening. Another loud smash came and Becca looked around nervously and went to chewing her thumb nail. The blows kept coming as Zayn repeatedly hit the spare guitar against the side of the house, each time more powerfully and with more force than the previous. Kirsten focused on picking at her her nails and I scrolled through my timeline. The bangs kept coming and I could hear Zayn panting in between each hit. Harry was sitting on the couch with his head in his hands and Louis was no where to be seen. He tended to shy away from emotionally draining events after the big blow up of Larry rumours when he dumped Eleanor for me.

Harry cocked his head sideways as if to look out the window when the banging stopped. I heard Zayn's jagged breaths grow increasingly louder as he neared the open window by the door in the house. All head snapped up from what they were doing and waited expectantly for Zayn to make an appearance. Zayn's shadow grew larger as he walked up the steps and the door swung on it's hinges as he reentered the room. He had in his white knuckled fist, the handle of the guitar with a few bent strings hanging wildly and lifelessly from the screws.

Becca made a motion to stand up, but as her hands touched the table Zayn put his left hand up to stop her.

"I don't want to talk to you right now." He said simply as he eyed the ground. The shards of guitar dropped from his fist and rattled to the ground noisily as he took soft steps toward the bedroom. Harry put his hands on his knees and began to rise towards Zayn but Zayn shook his head.

"No thanks mate, I'd like to be alone for now" He said, his voice barely above a whisper. Harry put his hands up in surrender and fell back into the couch defeatedly. And with that Zayn disappeared into the back hallway.

---

"Hey Ash," Becca said tentatively from the doorway.

"Hi Bec!" Ashton gave her a dimpled smile as he stepped aside to let her in

"I need to . . . uh . . . I need to tell you something" she faltered as she looked for something to sit on before she outright fell.

"Sure, sure, definitely, what's up Becca?" He asked as he motioned with his hand to sit on the couch.

"Um, I'm not exactly sure how to really say this, but um" the words that she didn't want to say were inevitable but words that had no meaning fell like bombs during a war, she idled and the excuses tumbled out faster than she could control until Ashton outright interrupted her.

"What is it Becca? Just say it, the suspense is killer" He said leaning forward on his elbows which were propped on his knees.

"Ash, I'm pregnant" she blurted and instantly desired to do nothing but hide her face and disappear. Ashton's cool and calm demeanor failed and his face contorted.

"Pregnant?" He repeated, seemingly to himself. Becca tucked her chin and bit the inside of her cheek. "And it's mine?" He probed as he looked from his hands and back to her imploringly, his puppy eyes large and unwavering.

"I don't know," her voice broke off slightly and she had to break eye contact as she refocused on the crumbs that were imbedded in the carpet.

"So it could still be Zayn's?" Ashton asked softly, his voice cracking slightly at the end causing him to clear his throat and duck his head to run his fingers through the mangy unkempt curls.

"Yeah, it's a possibility" she replied, her voice so soft Ashton had to read her lips because no audible sound escaped her water parched lips.

"Look Becca, you know that I like you a lot," he paused and sighed as he shook his curls out again, "I'll put it this way, if its mine, then I will love that child so damn much, but if it's Zayn's . . . then I really don't think we should see each other anymore" He looked at her through his soft eyes and reached for her hands. He gave them a reassuring squeeze and waited for her response.

"I think it would be okay to still see-" she started but he interrupted her and bit his lip. He shook his head and looked down.

"No Becca, if it's not mine . . . I don't want to see you anymore . . ."

---

The chair was scratchy and made for sitting, not sleeping. Kirsten contorted her body to try and fit the small solely butt chair but no matter where she moved her back screamed in protest and her legs chose to fall asleep after any more than 3 minutes in the same position. Nurses periodically came in and out but she only briefly looked up, long enough to acknowledge them in her mind before returning to her phone. Harry stirred a few times and her legs had swung over the chair and she arrived by his side in a matter of milliseconds. Mostly, Harry had just been stirring in his sleep, he was pretty doped on pain meds due to the multiple injuries that would be excruciating without pain meds.

Yet the time finally came where Harry stirred but actually woke up for a period longer than a matter of seconds.

"My beautiful girl," He said trying to extend his arm to Kirsten who had her head resting on the back of the chair and her phone propped in front of her face. His voice was hoarse and had flem in it but he called to her, raspy and exhausted. He wasn't able to raise his arm very much because both had been bruised by the crash because he had been clinging to the handlebars as he wrecked.

"Harry" Kirsten breathed through her mouth as she threw her legs off the chair and tossed herself towards his bed. A nurse entered the room and made playful banter about how much Harry had been sleeping and Harry replied with a grand gesture of how appreciative he was of her care and finished with a kiss on her hand. The nurse blushed and high tailed it out of the room. Kirsten rolled her eyes as she walked with a smirk on her face over to Harry where the nurse had been standing. Harry's lips curled into a smile and he reached for Kirsten's hand at the end of the bed. He gently pulled her hand to his lips and kissed it tenderly, his lips brushing the skin. Harry had kissed Kirsten's hands thousands of times but everytime Kirsten blushed and tucked her chin to her shoulder.

"How long have you been here, princess?" He asked as worry washed over his face and he glanced around in search of a clock.

"Shh, no it's okay, I haven't been here long, don't worry about it" she cooed as she brushed his slightly discolored and bruised cheek with her hand.

"Thanks for being here, are they still outside?" He asked as the traumatic events took their toll, almost suddenly, on his features. His eyes had bags under them that were tinted with the dark circles. The bruises made themselves more evident and the scratches seemed to be an angrier shade of red. Kirsten looked with a heavy heart on him as she gently withdrew the curtain and peeked outside.

It was drizzling and the size of the mob outside the hospital gate had diminished significantly but there was still a group of about 15 girls standing outside with their umbrellas and rain boots. Kirsten empathized with them, she knew that had she not met Harry at the concert, she would still be on social media trying to meet Harry Styles and be willing to stand and wait for hours, days even, even if there was no real proof of his presence at that place, she faithfully followed. She looked out through the glass at the girls who's signs had gotten wet and sagged a bit from the rain, yet one of them saw her in the window and must have told the other girls. They perked up and waved their signs with excitement at Kirsten. She smiled with ghostly sadness at their naive hope, she offered a small wave and saw their mouths suspended in open screaming as they jumped in their rainboots and waved their signs that read "get well Harry, we love you" on the neon pink poster paper.

"Yeah, they're still there" she whispered back, not taking her eyes off the small bouncing figures.