The Space Between Us

Chapter 7

We tend to love the people who give us space and make us feel safe at the same time.

I wrote that line in 10th grade. It's not exactly good but it has a meaning back then.

I wrote it for my mother, who never invaded my privacy or forced me to tell her something personal, but at the same time, she was my safe haven.

Her arms were a place i knew would always be opened for me, no matter what i do.

But i didn't have a clue about what life was gonna throw at us.

******

Sydney closes the book with a thud. She stands up and begins pacing the living room.

"Was it that bad?" I ask her.

"Bad? Are you insane? That was insanely good. Like too good. Like a little bit too good. Like—"

I cut her off. "I get it."

She throws herself down on the couch in an exhausted-like manner, her arms limp by her side.

"Like the best poetry i've ever read."

"You're being dramatic."

She huffs. "I know that. I like drama. What's wrong with drama?"

"Nothing. But i need your real opinion on that."

"My real opinion is that you should get up right now this moment, and go straight to a publishing company and show them your work."

I raise an eyebrow. "That good, huh?"

"Yeah, i mean, no. I mean, it was okay." She shrugs her shoulder.

I laugh at her. This woman is crazy.

"Can you do me a favor?" She asks, biting her lip.

"Yeah, sure."

"Promise first." She says.

"Why? Is it that bad?" I chuckle.

"Please promise."

"Okay, okay. I promise."

She closes her eyes. "Please, could you eat something? I'm worried about you. You haven't eaten for god knows how long. This is wrong."

I pinch the bridge of my nose. Here we go again.

"You promised." Her voice gentler now.

I sigh. "Okay. Fine. I will. Right now."

I go to the kitchen and put some water on the stove to boil to prepare pasta. Then return to the living room.

I sit on the couch and lean my head on the  back of the couch. I close my eyes for just a moment. My head is throbbing.

"How long has it been since you slept?"

I huff. "I sleep just fine, syd. It's just those couple of weeks are a little hard for me." I say without opening my eyes.

"Why?"

"It's my mother's death anniversary."

I hear her sharp intake of breath. "Oh."

She clears her throat. "When?"

"Tomorrow."

"I'm sorry."

I stand up and brush imaginary dust from my jeans. "For what?"

I go to the kitchen to cook the pasta. Then i return to the living room with two plates. I hand one to Sydney.

"Thank you." She whispers. Then i hear her sniffing.

I look at her, her face is red and her eyes are glossed over.

"Are you crying? Why are you crying?"

"I don't know." She says, laughing while tears are on her cheeks.

"Please, if it's for me, save it. Don't cry for me. Ever."

"I can't help it." She cries a little more. My heart skips a beat. I don't deserve it.

"Stop crying, please. I can't handle it."

She wipes her tears quickly then gets up.

"I should go."

"No, please stay. Just a little more. I don't want this day to end just yet."

"I'm sorry, it's getting late."

I sigh. "Yeah, sure. Let me just grab my coat and walk you home."

"You don't have to."

I roll my eyes. "Yes, but i want to."

I grab my coat and my keys. We put on our shoes and head outside. We begin walking in the direction of her apartment.

"What are you doing tomorrow?" Sydney asks.

"I'm visiting my mom's grave."

"Where is it?"

"On the west side. Behind the church."

We stay silent until we reach her apartment.

She stops and turns to me.

"Can i call you tonight?" She asks me hesitantly.

"Yes, of course. You don't have to ask."

"Okay, then."

"Goodnight, Syd."

"Syd? I like that. Goodnight jake." She smiles at me.

She goes into the building and waves before closing the door.

I turn around and run my hands through my hair.

Goodnight, indeed.
                                ********
She's like a ray of sunshine,
Shining so bright,
But i'm afraid,
If i look for too long,
My eyes will hurt,
But i will take my chances anyway,
Because i need it,
I need her light to shine up my world,
To shine up the darkness inside me,
I ask her,
Can you do that for me?
She just smiles,
And touches my hand,
And tells me,
"I'm here, it's gonna be okay."
I don't think it will,
But i believe her anyways.
********
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