The Space Between Us

Chapter 14

I feel like I'm constantly fighting to stay afloat just to be pulled down again by invisible forces.

                               *******

The vibrating of my phone wakes me up at 3 am. I pick it up to see Sydney's name flashing across the screen. I answer immediately.

"Hey, Syd. Is everything okay?" I ask as soon as the phone touches my ear.

"Yeah, i mean, no. If everything was okay i wouldn't be calling at this hour right?" She sounds like she's sitting in the bathroom.

"What is it, Syd?"

A sniffle. "I know i already told you but.." she trails off.

I lean back against the headboard "It's okay. You can tell me again."

"It's just.. i miss my dad okay? There are so many things that i want to ask him right now. So many problems would be solved if he was here. I'm so tired.."

I sigh. "Yeah i know that feeling."

I hear her shuffling around. "Okay, we gotta stop this conversation. I don't wanna talk about that anymore."

"How do you turn it off?"

"What?"

"The heartache."

"I don't know how. But I've learned to put it aside. Sweep it and put it in the corner."

I chuckle. "That's a good idea."

A few seconds pass neither of us saying anything.

"I'm sorry for calling that late." She says.

"You can call anytime. "

"Yeah, i mean, thank you. Goodnight, jake."

"Goodnight, Sydney."

                               ~~~~~~

When i wake up the next morning to a memory on Facebook of me and mom, i instantly cry.

It was her birthday. And she had a long day at work. But i insisted on going out after that. She kept telling me that it's late and we should just sleep but i refused. We went out and i bought her ice cream. We sat on a bench facing the river and we talked about everything. By the end of it my mom was crying, she was talking about her parents, who passed away a few years ago, and i told her to stop crying because i will cry too. So she told me that god has rewarded her with something in return. And she said it was me.

I remember my feeling at this moment. My heart was about to burst open with love for this woman.

And i know for a fact that i would never love a woman more than i love her.

But love is a very dangerous thing. It's so risky. Imagine a pain that equals the love you had for the person.

I vowed to myself when my mom died, that i would never allow myself to love anyone again. I will not survive the heartache if there was a departure of any kind.

But i'm breaking that vow right now

When Sydney told me about her father. I felt her pain. I felt her pain as if it was my own. When she called me last night, i was hurting because i could hear the heartache in her voice.

Does she feel the same about me?

~~~~~

"How did you not cry while reading the fault in our stars?!" Sydney exclaims, a little too loudly, catching the attention of the people around us in the cafe.

I laugh at her reaction. "I don't know. I just didn't feel it. The last few chapter were extremely sad though." I take a sip from my milkshake.

"That's when you're supposed to cry, Jake!" She whines dramatically.

"Why are you being so dramatic?" I laugh again. She's crazy.

"Because no one reads the fault in our stars without crying!" She snaps. I don't know why this is so important to her.

"It's not that big a deal."

"It is. Are you even human? Humans are supposed to feel emotions."

I shrug. I've indeed felt emotions. And I've definitely cried before. But i don't tell her that though

"That's it." She slams her hand on the table. "We're watching the movie. And i dare you not to cry. Tomorrow. My place." She stands up. "Be there at 5:30."

She puts her bag on her shoulders and turns to walk out.

"Is it a date?" I call after her and offer her a smirk.

She faces me again and winks. "It's DARE."

This girl is gonna be the end of me.

*******

Though lovers be lost, love shall not.
-Dylan Thomas.