The Space Between Us

Chapter 9

My body isn't tired.

My mind is.

                              *********

I'm in a long tunnel. It's dark and chilly. I don't know why the hell i am here.

Someone is standing at the end of the tunnel.

Mom.

I run to her. But the tunnel seems endless. I run until i am breathless. She is still standing there. Smiling at me. Beckoning for me to come closer.

I wake up with a start.

My breathing is heavy and i'm covered in sweat. My heart is pounding in my chest.

I look beside me. Sydney is sleeping on the floor beside the bed. Her hand latched into mine.

I squeeze my eyes shut. She's too good for me. I can't let this go any further.

I get up and kneel beside her. She looks so peaceful. I brush her bangs out of her eyes. She is so beautiful. Her curls are everywhere and her skin is so perfect.

"Come on, let's put you to bed." I whisper to the darkness.

I wrap my arms around her and carry her to the bed. I place her gently in the centre of the bed and cover her with a blanket. I give her hand a squeeze before quickly letting go.

I sit on the coach and look at the clock. It's 4 in the morning. I didn't even get a good night sleep.

I don't remember much from last night, but i remember sydney, i remember her voice through my panic attack. I remember her hands holding mine. Her gentle voice telling me to go to sleep.

I cover my mouth with my hand. Sydney should be away from me. She's gonna get hurt in the end. Better let her go now. I will ruin her.

As much as these thoughts make me want to cry, i have to. She is too good for me. I am not a good person. I'm a shell of human living in the shadow of my mother's death.

When she wakes up, i'm gonna tell her. For now, i'm gonna try to sleep for a few more hours.

                                 ~~~~~~

When i wake up, Sydney is nowhere in sight.

I go downstairs to find her in the kitchen, preparing breakfast. The counter is full of

"Good morning, how are you feeling?" She asks with a smile.

"Peachy."

She laughs. God, I'm gonna miss this laugh.

I clear my throat. "So, i wanted to tell you two things."

She nods her head and tells me to go ahead.

"Firstly, thanks so much for yesterday. I don't know how to properly say thank you. But i will tell you this: yesterday when i came home, i was so down that i thought i should just die. To end it all." She gasps and begins to talk but i cut her off. "Hear me out, please. You stopped that. You coming here stopped me from doing that. Thank you will never be enough." I take a deep breath.

"I'm just relieved you're alright." She gives me a small smile.

Yeah, sure. I am splendid.

"Well, about the other thing." I sigh. "I think it's better if we.." i trail off and bit my lip.

She turns to me. "We what?"

I bit my lip. "We should um— keep our distance."

                                 ******
I am drowning,
But please don't save me,
I'm in too deep.
-in too deep by Why Don't We.