guilt | kihyuk

July 7th, 2018

Days after days Kihyun has been reading Minhyuk's journal and his notes for him. All were so hurtful. Kihyun knew Minhyuk was affected by his decision but he never knew Minhyuk suffered that much. Reading how his lover felt truly hurt him. 'I'm a monster.' Kihyun thought.

Just as Kihyun was about to go read another note on the journal the doorbell rang. At first the man hesitated, should he go open the door? But after hearing the person insist he finally gave in and opened the door. "Hi Kihyun. How are you?" Hyunwoo asked out of instinct but felt immediately uncomfortable because he already knew the answer just by looking at his friend. "Brilliant" Kihyun nonetheless answered. "What do you want?" Kihyun spoke again surprising Hyunwoo. "I wanted to talk Kihyun" "Can't it wait?" "No. It is important. Can I get in?" Hyunwoo asked and Kihyun sighed letting the other get inside.

"Are you not going to clean this place?" Hyunwoo asked looking around, the whole apartment was a mess. "No. I like it better that way" Hyunwoo nodded at Kihyun's answer. Something is off with Kihyun, it has been ever since Minhyuk left them. Kihyun used to spend his time lecturing the boys whenever something was getting dirty and now he lives in that dirty place. That is so unlike him.

"What did you want to talk about?" Kihyun interrupted Hyunwoo from his thoughts. Hyunwoo gathered up his courage to speak, not really at ease when it comes to lecturing his mates but he has to, he is the leader after all. "Uh. I- I came to talk about the group. You are not coming to practice anymore Kihyun. Why are you doing that" Kihyun only shrugged. "Look Kihyun, I love you and you are my friend but you can't go on living that way. Drowning yourself in sorrow won't help you in any way. Stop crying over what happened. Yes it saddens us all that Minhyuk left but what can we do about it?" "Leave" Kihyun sternly said. "You can't fuck up your whole career Kihyun. We already have Minhyuk out of the group we can't allow ourselves to miss another member." "Leave my fucking house. Fuck you and your practice" Kihyun spoke again. Hyunwoo met the other's dark eyes, he had rarely seen Kihyun look that scary. He did not want to make his friend angrier than he was so Hyunwoo decided to leave. "Please text me sometime Kihyun. We will work this out" Hyunwoo said not daring to look at the other and left.

Furious, Kihyun grabbed his keys and drove off. He didn't know where to go. Kihyun only wanted to drive as far as he could, just to clear his mind for a while.

"You can drive all night looking for the answers in the pouring rain"