guilt | kihyuk

June 29th, 2018

Kihyun opened his eyes, Minhyuk's smell making him smile. He didn't dare to open his eyes nor to move. Was Minhyuk back? Kihyun panicked at that thought, Minhyuk couldn't see him after a year looking like that as he just woke up. What to do? Kihyun wondered. He allowed himself to remember those days as he woke up next to his lover, observing his sleeping face. He lost himself imagining that today it will start again. Suddenly Kihyun felt happy, so happy. He hadn't felt that way the past year. His heart was beating fast. Kihyun finally gathered up all his courage and opened his eyes.

Minhyuk was not back. Kihyun was being delusional. He had just slept on Minhyuk's bed hence why his smell was still present. Kihyun's heart sank. He hated himself for believing that Minhyuk would be back.

Kihyun looked over his shoulder and saw the journal again. Could Kihyun read another page? That he was not certain but he finally decided it was worth a try.

•Day 2:

Dear Kihyun,
Today when I woke up you were already gone. I wanted us to talk now that we had a day to change our minds. But you were nowhere to be seen.
Are you avoiding me Ki?
In a way I think it makes sense. You said you want us to take a break and maybe you need time to think alone. Or you already made your decision and you don't want to see me again.
Are you breaking up with me for real Kihyun?
I miss you, your face, your laugh, your voice. I miss the way you look at me. I miss everything about you Kihyun. It breaks my heart thinking you might not want me back. Please show me that I am wrong for thinking that way Kihyun.
I spent last night reflecting on everything. Maybe I am the problem. Did I annoy you? I am sorry for the times you told me not to get too close with Jooheon or Hoseok because you were jealous but would not admit it. I didn't do it on purpose Kihyun. It is who I am. But you know that you were always the only one on my heart. I am sorry for the times you told me to clean up after I ate but forgot to do it. I am sorry for the times I made you uncomfortable by showing affection to you in public, I know you've always hated it.
I never thought we would part ways. But maybe it is my fault. I am sorry if it is Kihyun. Please don't leave me, I need you.
I will wait for you, I promise.
I'll respect your choice whatever it is.
Just please, don't let me die out there.
I love you Kihyun.
Come back to me.
Minhyuk.

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A/N: If you can give me any advice to improve my writing or my story I would gladly take it.
Thank you.