guilt | kihyuk

June 28th, 2018

To say that Kihyun had been letting himself die these past few days would be an understatement. He would not eat much and would avoid to take care of himself in any way. He had also turned off his phone, he did not want anyone disturbing him. He spent days and nights sitting on the couch thinking. Thinking about him, as always. His heart hurt so much. Could he ever recover? Living without Minhyuk brought him so much pain.

'I'm gonna do it. Now' Kihyun suddenly said to himself.

At those words the male stood up from the couch and walked to the room. This one room he hated the most. He needs something to connect with Minhyuk, he needs it now.

Taking a deep breath Kihyun entered the room feeling as saddened and hurt as the last time he entered it. The note pinned to the wall saying "I love you forever" caught his eyes again. Why did Minhyuk leave it there? Maybe because he knew Kihyun was a liar. Observing the surroundings Kihyun sat on the neatly made bed. The sheets still carried Minhyuk's captivating smell. 'Why did you leave me' Kihyun whispered cautiously breathing in the smell he had been missing the most.

After some time Kihyun felt something hard under the pillow. A journal. After some questioning on whether to read through it or not Kihyun decided to only read the first page. Not like he felt his heart could take the pain of going any further.

•Day 1:

Dear Kihyun,
Yesterday you told me you wanted us to take a break. I still don't understand why and what were your motives but I'll respect it. I'll wait for you because deep down I know that we are meant to be together. You are my soulmate Kihyun. I love you and I will always do.
I decided to write in this journal, for you. But also for me and for us. I will write everyday until you come back to me. It will be my only way of communicating with you after all.
Yesterday after you made your decision known I left. I couldn't cry in front of you and to be honest I was very mad too. So I took the car and drove, I don't really know where I went since all was blurry but I drove for a long time. I sat on a beach, I was the only one there. Staring at the sky. All I could think about was you Kihyun, how far we have come together, thinking about our past, our present and our future.
This morning when I came back you avoided me. You did not even say hi like you always do. It hurt so much but I acted as if I was indifferent and went straight to the guest room. It will be my room for now. I don't think I can write anymore today. It hurts so much thinking about this whole situation.
I will come back tomorrow.
I love you Kihyun, come back to me soon.
Minhyuk.

Kihyun stood there for a while, holding this damn journal in his hands. He knew Minhyuk was hurt when he broke up with him but reading his own words hit differently, deeper. He was now crying again...

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A/N: I don't know if anyone is actually reading this story but if you are thank you and I hope you like it. It might not be the best with the most correct wording but I am just trying to recreate it as it comes in my mind.
Thank you. Enjoy ♡