Little by Little

Part 8

It had been almost seven years. Rhys and I have had not been able to get pregnant no matter how hard we tried. While we were struggling to have children, Elain and Azriel had their third child, and Cassian and Nesta now had a new little boy. now, I loved my nieces and nephews, and i was happy for my sisters, but it just wasn't the same. they weren't mine. I've tried not to be jealous, but its hard watching everyone else grow families and Tamlin may have ruined our only chance. Rhysand had tried to go kill tamlin and would have succeeded if the other high lords hadn't of stopped him.

"Feyre, you alright?" Rhysand came over and sat next to me.

"What?"

"Are you alright? you seem to be more and more distant from me and the others every day. what's wrong my love?" no I wasn't. but I should have been it had been seven years. I should be over it.

A thought for a thought? He said down the bond.

Love, I think the sorrow will kill me if it happens again. his face softened and he wrapped his arm around me.

I know love. its hard watching everyone else grow families and us not be able to. I felt a tear drop on my head.

It's not just that Rhys. i feel like I've failed you. Like I'm a bad mate not being able to produce a child. He lifted his chin, his face was serious.

"Don't you ever think that feyre. you are the best thing that could have ever happened to me. whether we have children or not." He said that out loud this time.

"I do believe you owe me a thought," I said with a sad smile on my face. he looked as though he was going to say something but instead, he kissed me deeply. " Solstice is three days away, along with someone's birthday." as soon as he said it i think he knew it wasn't the right thing to say.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking," I had had my stillbirth on my birthday last year, which meant for a very bad solstice. "It's alright rhysand. I know you didn't mean to. they meant just as much to me as they did to you." we sat there for a while until it started to snow. the first snow of the year.

"You don't think the poison on the blade affected my ability to properly deliver children, or even conceive?"

"Its a possibility, but i think Madja would have been able to tell. " He stood up and spread out his wings, "I think we should go for a ride, we haven't for a while."I nodded and stood to take his hand "I got you." he said and picked me up and took off. 

Rhysand had taken me on a flight for hours. we just talked and talked to our heart's content, until he landed on a small cliff that viewed the whole city. it was beautiful.

"Not as beautiful as the woman next to me." he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close kissing the top of my head. we stood there for a while until he spoke. "One-day my love, whether it is in five hundred years or in five, I promise we'll have a child of our own if that is what you truly want." we stood there in silence for a moment.

"Thank you Rhysand."

"For what?" he asked

"Everything."