Wot you sayin'?

Through Thick and Thin

I staggered back home after the surprise welcome back barbecue thing my friend Jack threw for me after being away for three months. I knew something was wrong instantly when I saw Zoe shaking by the kitchen sink. That could only mean she was having a panic attack.

She'd been having a lot of those lately, and I didn't know why. It hadn't helped that I couldn't see her in these kinds of situations in person for such a long time. I mean, we'd been keeping in touch electronically whilst I was away, but it wasn't the same as talking face to face.

"What's wrong, Zoe?" She flinched at the sound of my voice and instantly turned round. Even I could see the fear in her eyes, and I'm rubbish at reading emotions, so that forced me to sober up immediately. If I thought something was wrong a few seconds ago, I knew something was very, very wrong.

Shoving aside my own feelings, I engulfed her in a bear hug, knowing she needed it. I knew it was gonna happen, and she started sobbing. I didn't know what kind of expression I had on my face when I was rubbing her back, but after what felt like hours, (it was probably only about a minute) she stopped sobbing.

I didn't really know what to say once she pulled away from me, but she must have taken pity on me and took me to the sofa and sat me down.

"Is it—" She interrupted by shaking her head.

"Not just him." How did she do that?! "It's Mum and Dad." My eyes widened. Had something happened to them? "They're splitting up." I was not expecting that. "Getting divorced."

"What? Why? When?"

"Do you want to add who and how?" she snapped.

"Should I?"

She sighed and said, "I don't think so."

"You didn't answer my question." I frowned. "Questions."

"They said, but I honestly can't remember anything apart from some mumbo jumbo about not being in love anymore and not being the same people. You'll need to ask them yourself." I looked thoughtful then nodded.

"When did they tell you?"

"A few days ago."

"How have you been? Have you been having many panic attacks?"

"Yeah. Loads. Things with Aaron hasn't helped either."

"Has he tried seeing you? Is that why you looked so scared?"

She shook her head. "I didn't want to see Mum or Dad. Especially not like this." I pulled her close to me and leaning on it, I nodded against her shoulder. "How do you feel?" I shrugged. I honestly didn't know.

"Still in shock. Hasn't sunk in yet. I might get to grips with it when they've told me. It's not that I don't believe you." I held up my hands when I saw her defensive posture. "I do, but... yeah. Where are they?"

She shrugged. "Not here. They didn't say."

"OK. I'm going to sleep now. Will you be alright on your own?" She nodded and I went upstairs to bed. I wasn't sure that was true, but I was too tired to contradict her.

Welcome back, Joe, I thought just before I fell asleep.

~—~

I woke up to a banging headache, but luckily no bright light thanks to my curtain. I looked around me, and saw a long post it note on my door with Zoe's neat handwriting. That weirdo. Why didn't she just text me? From my bed I could see:

Thanks for being there for me last night, Broseph. In case you haven't noticed, I've left you some food, water and painkillers. You're welcome

On my bedside table, I saw exactly what Zoe had written. She made me a bacon sandwich! You living legend, Zoe, I thought before devouring it. She must have made it before she went to work. I made a mental note to give her a proper thank you.

Speaking of texts, I got one from my Uncle Gary saying I can have the day off from work. I got up though, put on the first pair of jeans and top I found in my suitcase. Zoe's note reminded me of our conversation. My parents are getting divorced. I wondered then if they were both going to talk to me about it.

My mind went back to mine and Zoe's conversation. She didn't say much about Aaron last night, but I knew she was, or at least had been, having trouble with him. Worry filled me thinking about him. He really turned out to be a nasty piece of work and I really feared for Zoe's safety. More than that though was her mental health. She'd had an anxiety disorder for a while and that limited a lot of what she could do. It didn't help that Mum and Dad were splitting up, but I hoped it wasn't a messy breakup. I'd still like to be on good terms with both my parents.

Later that day, maybe around lunchtime, I finally got to talk to them both. They explained the situation to me, saying much the same as what Zoe had said.

"It's not our intention to make any trouble for either of our relationship with you."

"So you've ended it on good terms then."

"Yes. We've tried staying together, but we've realised it's just a lost cause," Dad said. Mum was very quiet. I could see she was worried about something.

"You don't seem surprised. Did Zoe tell you?" I nodded. "How is she? She's kind of shut herself away from both of us." I was debating whether or not to tell them about her panic attacks, but it must have shown on my face.

"Should I tackle her?" Trust Dad to add humour to a serious conversation.

"Graham!"

"I was just joking! I wasn't actually gonna do it."

"That's not the point though. We're talking about a serious subject here. You know Zoe suffers with anxiety. That's probably why she hasn't talked to either of us. Not properly, anyway."

"Well what do you expect me to do? We've already seen—"

"Mum, Dad, please. This isn't helping either." I took a calming breath. "Leave Zoe to me. She'll come to you when she's ready."

After that, the two of them went back to their respective jobs.

After a day of vlogging, which, to be honest, was the only normal thing I'd been doing then, I returned when Zoe was back home. "Hi Zo. How was work?" I asked, surprised at the smile on her face.

"Work was brilliant. I handed in my notice."

"Seriously? What are you going to do about work?" She explained to me how she's got a blog and a YouTube channel and has found a way of monetizing it. Thinking about it, I knew how popular it had gotten, so she would be able to support herself with it.

"I just need to put myself out there and say yes to the things I get offered." I was extremely proud of her, but the thing I didn't have in common with her was to just plunge in and take risks.

I had my safety nets in case something didn't work out. For instance if I fell off a roof whilst thatching, I'd have my A levels to fall back on then go to uni. I wanted to make sure I had an apprenticeship in roof thatching in case YouTube, which I was considering taking on fulltime like Zoe was doing, didn't work out. So I had a plan A, plan B and plan C.

"You know, I'm so proud of ya." In these kinds of situations, my Wiltshire accent always came out. You'd have thought traveling so much would make it die down a little, but having my friends from back home kept that from happening. Zoe chuckled a little because of it. "But remember through thick and thin I'm always here for you." I gave her a huge hug.

"You're becoming a really good hugger," she said, squeezing my back.

A/N - This is part 1 of 2. The next one will be in Zoe's POV. I don't know when that will be up though. Well, I hope you enjoyed it. I'm curious to know if this "sounds" like them, especially Zoe's speech, because I'm not too sure about it.