Wot you sayin'?

Cut the Mustard

I could not believe my eyes. "Dot..." I shouted with an edge of panic in my voice. A few moments later she opened the door to the office and peaked inside. I gestured for her to come in with a frown on my face. "Come in, you weirdo. This isn't exactly my domain."

"Wassup?" After I gestured for her to do so, she came in and sat on my lap.

"So you know we've had a few people cook with us on In The Pan?"

"Yeah..."

"It has garnered the attention of a pretty well known and well respected chef. Not to mention my mum loves him to bits. Have a look at this comment and who it is."

"It says it's chef Tom Kerridge. Addressing us, 'I love your channel and your sense of fun. Would love to come and join you.' Whoa! A proper chef?"

"A Michelin starred chef! How do we contact him?" We both thought hard about it and I could see Dianne had a lightbulb moment the same time I did. It was quite comical to see.

"I've got an idea!"

"Do you want to go on a date with me?"

"You know... I think we've got the same idea. Go to one of his restaurants and hope he's there?"

"We might need to book a table though. Wait, I think he has a pub. Let's have a look at the website..."

"Hang on a minute. Do you think he might have sent us an instagram message? It's worth a look." We both shrugged and looked at the inbox for our In The Pan Food instagram, and...

"I can't believe it," Dianne said quietly, with a slightly hysterical laugh. There it was, amongst all the fan messages, cheftomkerridge with a verified tick had messaged. "We need to set up a date."

"I honestly cannot believe it. We're going to branch out to the professional world of cooking..." Then something dawned on me. "We're going to be so out of our depths." Dianne laughed in response.

"It's gonna be like a good training exercise. See how many tips we can give him!" I snorted.

"Think how much we're going to improve."

"I mean I don't think anyone can trump our very own Gorka Marquez. He was brilliant."

"Are you joking? This is a Michelin starred chef we're talking about. No offense to Gorka, but I think Tom Kerridge trumps him."

~—~

"Ladies and Gentlemen. Today we have a very special guest who, quite frankly, Dianne and I never thought we'd introduce. Dianne?"

"What?" I gestured for her to take over. "Oh... yeah... that's right."

I sighed in defeat when I realised Dianne wasn't going to introduce him. "Come in, Tom."

He came in and Dianne finally said, "It's only Tom Kerridge!"

"Wahayyy. She said it finally." I brought her close to me and kissed her on the head.

"Welcome to the show. Welcome to our lives."

"Thank you for having me." He looked into the camera (must be really practised at this) and said. "I've really been looking forward to this. Can't wait for getting some tips from you." Dianne looked over at me, gloating.

Before she had a chance to say anything, I said, "Now, before we go any further, what shall we call you—chef or Tom?"

"Call me Tom. Let's make it relaxed."

"Thank you." both Dianne and I said. Dianne turned to the camera and said, "Going back to the subject of tips, when Joe and I first got Tom's message, I said to Joe he's gonna want some tips from us. Did I or did I not?" I opened my mouth to object. "Did I or did I not?"