Wot you sayin'?

I've Got Your Back

A/N - This is new. I wanna give a trigger warning to all those who suffer with anxiety. The sections in all italics might be very distressing so I'm going to put a divide before and after each section. There will be two particularly bad sections.

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Mum: Your dad and I ... divorce. ... surprise ... spur of the moment...

Dad: ... work at it ... don't love each other ...

Mum: ... not the same people ...

Dad: ... you and Joe ... both love you

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Their voices echoed in my mind, replaying bits of my conversation with them, only the ones that upset me the most. Well, a few days ago, my parents told me they were getting divorced, which then triggered a lot more panic attacks from me, like this one. As it happened I couldn't see either of them. I didn't want to see them, but then I heard someone behind me.

"What's wrong, Zoe?" The sound of someone's voice made me flinch and turn around in fear. I sighed in relief seeing Joe; Joe had seen me like this. Joe would understand. He did understand because he just opened up his arms and I flew into his embrace, even though I knew it would set me off. I just shook in his arms, uncontrollably sobbing and hyperventilating.

I was so glad it was him because he knew not to fuss. He just lets me be until I come round. After a while I did and I pulled away from him, seeing that he had his signature 'deer in the headlights expression' on his face. That's the problem with Joe, he didn't handle emotion very well. He just never knew what to do or say.

I could see on his face that he wanted to know what was going through my head, but didn't know how to phrase it so as not to set me off again. I knew it would be cathartic to tell him, but I also knew he had a right to know what was happening. I took him to the living room and sat him down on the sofa. As I did, I was going through the mental list of the things he could think what was the matter. Aaron was most likely to be top of the list.

"Is it—" I knew what he was thinking, so I shook my head.

"Not just him." The expression on his face was almost comical. The situation didn't call for much levity though. Here goes nothing... "It's Mum and Dad." His eyes widened. I could see he was fearing for their safety. He always wears his heart on his sleeve with me. "They're splitting up." There comes the shock. "Getting divorced."

"What? Why? When?" He looked bewildered.

"Do you want to add who and how?" I snapped even though I knew I shouldn't have. It wasn't fair on him, and as soon as the words left my mouth, I regretted them. He'd probably get the wrong message from them.

"Should I?" No, they hadn't talked about cheating, and I don't think either of them would have broken the news to me the way they had if one of them had done so. Looking back, there wasn't resentment there, just resignation.

I sighed and said, "I don't think so."

"You didn't answer my question." You had more than one. "Questions." That's better.

"They said, but I honestly can't remember anything apart from some mumbo jumbo about not being in love anymore and not being the same people. You'll need to ask them yourself." He nodded, looking pensive.

"When did they tell you?"

"A few days ago."

"How have you been? Have you been having many panic attacks?"