A Fresh Start

I Don't Know How To Love Him

After classes on Monday, I went straight up to my room and got out one of the many books that had traveled here with me. Whenever I felt stressed books had always saved as my escape, allowing me to get away from whatever problems I was faced with and delve into the story. I opened up one of my favorites and began to read, and for the first time since the accident, I felt at peace.

My life, being my life didn't allow that peace to last longer than a half an hour before I heard a knock at the door. Not wanting to tear my eyes away from Tris and Four's blossoming love, I simply called "come in" to whoever was awaiting entry. To my surprise, Sebastion walked into my room, Sebastion was in my room, ohhhh this was like candy for that unlogical, hormonal part of my brain that screamed at me to kiss his soft lips.  "Hey, what's up?" I asked, curious as to why he was in here. "I wanted to ask you question about the physics project." "Oh ok" I said still not understanding why he needed to ask now, the project wasn't due for another two weeks. "Doyouwanttoswitchpartners" he said quickly, avoiding eye contact. My heart sunk at his question, he was still trying to avoid me. I thought it over, I didn't know anyone else in physics, and I sure as hell wasn't going to put myself through working with a stranger because of a little crush. Having come to my decision I said: "Nope, not really." I looked up at him, and was shocked to see what looked like a look of happiness underneath his mask of worry. "Marie, I don't think it's such a good-" he started to protest, but I cut him off. "Look, I get it. What happened in the hallway was a stupid mistake. We just got caught up in the moment, don't worry it didn't mean anything, and I don't expect it to happen." I was lying through my teeth, but it was for our own good. "Oh, alright then, I guess it'll be fine" he said with what looked like, just maybe, disappointment? In an attempt to diffuse the akwardness, I tried my hand at some small talk. "Did you have a good first day?" I asked politely, wearing a forced smile. "It could have been worse. Oh, and I'm supposed to let you know that tomorrow Ben and I have soccer practice, so don't wait up for us." When he brought up the sport I remembered my own tryout the next day. "It's fine I'm going out for the vacant spot on the girl's team anyways." "You are?" "Yeah, I was the captain of the team at my old school,"  I remembered my old team fondly, thinking that I should call Anna tonight. "Cool I guess I'll see you at the field then" "Sounds good," I said with a smile. "Alright, well I guess that's all, mom's working on a piece so she'll probably forget dinner, but there's pizza and frozen meals in the fridge." I laughed at the thought of Gloria, forgetting to eat, it fits right into her eccentric personality. "Alright then," I said as he walked back out my door. I was glad we talked, but my lies were weighing heavily on me, if only I could tell him the truth.

The rest of the school week was fine, I grew closer to Janie, and learned she was also on the girl's soccer team. The night of tryouts went smoothly, lot's of girls showed up, but I was confident in my performance. On Tuesday night when I was starting to head home from the tryouts that same brown haired boy I had run into in the hall came up to me."Hey, you looked great out there, your gonna be a great addition to the team." I blushed at the implication that he had been watching me. I discreetly looked him up and down. He was cute, I supposed he was on the boy's soccer team judging by his uniform. "Thank's, are you on the boy's team?" "Yeah, we just finished practice, do you need a ride home?" I decided that a little flirting couldn't hurt, he was pretty cute. "But I don't even know your name," I said with a small smile. "My name's Sam," he said with a laugh. "Well Sam thanks for the offer, but my house is only ten minutes away." "Hasn't anyone ever told you that time is money babe?" Oh no, there goes that small flicker of attraction, I hated being called pet names by guys, something about it was so demeaning. "It's fine, really," his smile dropped a little, but he quickly recovered. "Well at least let me give you my number in case you are ever stranded again." I smiled at him and gave him my phone, but I was internally rolling my eyes at his persistence, he was obviously used to getting his way. "Alright well I better get going, it was nice seeing you again." "Bye Marie," he said with a smirk, his eyes lingering on my backside, clad in the rather short soccer shorts, yup that attraction was officially dead. I walked home with Ben, who said Sebastion had already left, as he needed to get some work done. Part of me was hurt that he hadn't waited for me, but the other part was exasperated with the notion of being offended. On our way home, Ben teased me about Sam, saying that they'd seen us talking after practice. I brushed off his questions, and Ben seemed to understand my reasoning. I asked Ben about that boy at the party in return, but he shot me down, saying that the guy wasn't ready to leave the closet. I gave Ben a hug, that guy didn't deserve Ben, and when I told him as much he gave me a smile.