A Fresh Start

This is how to be a heartbreaker

Sebastion's POV:

I woke up on Sunday morning to a pounding headache. The last time I'd been this hungover was during the first months after the accident. I was so plagued with guilt and regret that I could barely function. Every night I went to a new party; there I could let myself forget. I skipped class, drowned myself in booze, and hooked up with anyone who was willing. After waking up in the middle of a strangers yard, half-naked and devoid of memory from the night, I made a decision to pull myself together. I still feel guilty for what I put my family through during those months, my mom especially, she was the one to force my dad into treatment and the one who made funeral preparations. I had already caused enough problems, why I decided to put her through further torment, I still don't know.

I hadn't drunk a drop of alcohol since then, last night I went back on my promise to myself. 

As the thought resonated with me images from last night rushed back to me, Marie, the closet, Ben, the fight, that kiss. Jesus that kiss. I'd kissed lot's of girls before but never had it felt like that. I groaned and leaned back against my headboard. Marie had just lost her parents, sure she was handling it remarkably well, but that didn't mean she was ready for a relationship. But she told you she wanted this, the devil on my shoulder chirped. True, I had given her space, I had let her make the first move. Just as hope was starting to form I remembered my brother's words. "You're going to ruin her life!" He was right, I couldn't be the one to ruin her life, I cared too much. I would end up ruining her, just like I did my uncle. I had to end it, otherwise, she would end up broken.

Why did I feel so sad? She was a girl, all we'd done was kiss, it was just a meaningless fling. No matter how many times I tried to tell myself that Marie didn't matter, I couldn't shake the depression I was wrapped in. Subconsciously I knew why. Marie wasn't just some girl I kissed, she cared about me and didn't treat me like broken glass. Even when I told her about my past she didn't run or look at me with pity, instead, she talked to me in a way no one had after the accident. She didn't shy away from my mistake, instead, she accepted it and helped me move on. I came to a sudden realization and my mind went blank: damn it, I had fallen in love with my stepsister. Someone up there really, really, hated me. 

I had barricaded myself in my room that morning, saying that I had caught a bug at the party. I told my mom to keep her distance and I was pleasantly surprised when she did, I suppose she knew when to leave me with my thoughts after these past years. All I had done since locking my family out was wallow in my own misery.

At twelve I decided to brave the hallway, I'd love to say that I'd managed to pull myself together, but the truth was that I stunk, bad. I crept down the hallway, I could hear Marie playing music from inside her room and judging by the voices downstairs Ben was talking with my mom. Hoping that Marie's music was too loud for her to hear me, I walked into the bathroom.

Warm showers were always comforting, but not today, today there was one face that kept floating around in my traitorous mind. I willed her face from my mind, I knew that if I was going to leave her I was going to have to learn to will her face from my mind. 

There was no use putting it off, I thought as I toweled off. I should just get it over with, if I wait any longer I'm just going to lose my nerve. Maybe what I was planning to do was too extreme, I doubted she'd ever forgive me if I went through with it. I pushed my second thoughts from my head.I had to do this, I couldn't take another person away from my family. I reminded myself for what must have been the hundredth time that it was better to break her heart than to ruin her life. 

Finally, I dragged myself off of my bed and into the hallway, stealing my nerves as I went. Clenching my jaw I knocked twice. If I was really in love with her then I needed to let her go. It didn't matter what I had to do, she couldn't fall in love with me as I had with her, if that meant losing her for good, then so be it.  

Marie's POV

I was sitting in my room listening to music and reading when I heard a knock at my door. I felt my heart leap. I hadn't talked to him yet, when I asked Gloria where he was she had told me Sebastion was sick, I figured he was simply to hungover to function like a normal human being. I figured as much already, our rooms were next to each other and I knew what vomit sounded like just as well as the next girl. 

Last night, it was like something from one of those ridiculous overexaggerated teen romance novels. After I talked to Ben I had spent a long time thinking: I knew he was right, I was risking everything by being with Sebastion, yet I couldn't seem to help myself. Deep down I think I knew why, I just didn't want to admit it to myself. Eventually, after hours of analyzing all of the moments we had spent together, from the soccer game to him crying on my shoulder, I came to a conclusion: I had fallen in love with my foster brother.

I opened the door and felt the familiar sensation of butterflies swarming my stomach. The memory of our kiss came to mind and I felt my cheeks warm up. "Hi," I said, my voice sounding unusually chipper. I had so much to talk to him about, I mean I just realized that I was in love with him, I had reason to feel a little apprehensive.

"Hey Marie, can we talk?" I opened the door wider gesturing for him to come in, I wondered what was going to happen, what was he going to say.

"Sure, I actually wanted to talk too, you go first though." He nodded in agreement and I walked over to my bed patting the spot next to me. Sebastion walked over to me, his expression was concerning me, he looked apprehensive. "Is everything okay Sebastion," I asked, looking at him in the eyes.

"Not really Marie," he responded glumly. 

"Well why not?" I inquired curiously.

"That kiss in the closet, that was a mistake." I felt my heart drop at his words, I guess he didn't feel the same sparks that I did.

"A mistake?" I questioned, still not sure where he was going with this.

"Look, Marie, you're pretty and everything, but I don't like being tied down to one person, and to be frank you aren't really my type." I couldn't wrap my head around his words, wasn't it him that just the other day was saying that he couldn't stay away from me.

B-but the other day you said that-" I stuttered, trying to pull my thoughts into coherent sentences before being interrupted.

"I know what I said, but really what was I supposed to do? It was obvious that you were crushing on me, I figured that if I had to live with you I might as well get something out of it." I gasped at his cruel words. Everything he said, it was a lie. Well, not the stuff about his family, but he probably milked that for all the girls. I wasn't one to be used or manipulated if you couldn't already tell I had a little bit of a temper. I did the only thing that felt right in the moment, I punched him in the face. I made sure to hit him where a bruise was already forming from the fight yesterday and was rewarded when he gasped in pain, even falling off the bed. 

"Get out Sebastion, and if you want to keep that pretty nose intact you won't come back." He left without a single look back, I think a part of me was hoping that he'd turn around and confess how he truly felt, and say that he'd made a mistake. As soon as he closed the door I dissolved into tears.

Sebastion's POV

I collapsed onto my bed into my room, trying to block out the memory of her hurt expression at my lies. I didn't know if I was going to make it through that bullshit excuse I fabricated, it was even harder not to turn back after she punched me. Of all the things I thought she'd do I didn't think that she'd punch me. Scream, curse, cry, sure that was to be expected, but punching me and calmly telling me to get out was not included in the list of possible reactions. In retrospect I shouldn't have been surprised, her veracity was one of the reasons I fell in love with her. I didn't think I was going to get over her any time soon. I stayed in bed for the rest of the night, trying in vain to convince myself that I hadn't made the biggest mistake of my life.