Grey Skies

Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Sarah leaves a week later. Part of me is still upset, still hates the fact that she isn't staying longer. The other part of me is partially jealous because Sarah has something to go back to. Sarah has someone who misses her and who wants to be with her. She has a life back in Texas, a boyfriend and a purpose. Even here, she has me, my family who sometimes likes her more than they like me, and her own family relatives.

I guess I'm more scared than jealous. I constantly find myself wondering what if I'm never happy? What if my life deviates so far from what I want it to be that I no longer consider it mine? What if I never find someone who makes my knees go weak?

I know that love isn't necessarily about finding the perfect person, that's impossible, but it's more of finding someone who you grow to love enough that you see him as perfect. You see his faults, his values, and you learn to accept them. You learn to love them, love him, and that's what makes it perfect. Well, what if I never find him? Or even worse, what if I find him but it's the wrong place, and I'm in the wrong condition to try and love someone.

The same questions roam my mind as I do my push-ups.

Up.

Will my parents be proud of me regardless of my future?

Down.

Will I be happy regardless of my future?

Up.

What if Soccer doesn't work out, is there anything left?

Down.

When will I find the butterflies in my stomach?

Up.

What if I never do?

I sigh and lay on my back. I feel the turf all over my body, covering my arms and legs, digging into my elbows. Davis stands above me, staring at the watch on his wrist. I sigh again and he looks over at me and then back down. I sigh a third time, guys. I roll my eyes.

"What's wrong Grey?" Davis finally asks, giving in.

"Nothing," I say shrugging my shoulders and he nods his head and goes back to his phone. "Can I ask you a question?" I ask, sitting up.

"What?"

"How did you, um, know Meg was...you know...the one?"

"I don't."

"What?" I ask confused. Davis sighs and sits down beside me, probably sensing that this is more than just innocent curiosity.

"You never really know if someone is the one. It's a gamble."

"But you've been wth Meg for like, forever."

"Seven years," he says. "I was nineteen, nearly twenty, and she was still a senior in high school. We've just kind of stayed together since."

"But you're not married?"

"No."

"Why?"

I was probably overstepping personal boundaries but when it came to Davis boundaries were never really considered, by either of us.

He lets out a long sigh and then a shaky laugh. "That's an even bigger gamble."

The conversation was supposed to comfort me. Davis and Meg had been together for forever. Seven years was a long time to get to know someone, to learn how to love someone, and to know whether marriage is what you want. After talking to Davis, I only found myself asking another question: Is marriage even worth it when a guy dating a girl for seven years can't even decide for himself?