It's All In Your Head {Sequel to STCG}

Chapter 10 - "We need to stop this."

I'm in a cold sweat when I wake up. My clothes are drenched and sticking to my shaking body, making me feel extremely uncomfortable.

"Mum?" I call out, my voice quiet and raspy. No footsteps can be heard as I lay paralyzed to the spot, praying for a familiar voice, for a loving hug - But as usual, I'm left to cope with things on my own.

Don't blame it on Mum, I scold myself. No one is to blame for the things that happened, but if anyone was it'd be Leather Face with no hesitation. His actions took away my happiness, took away my potentially successful future. Anything I do that makes me remotely happy is instantly destroyed by sinister memories of... Don't say it.

I sit up in bed and wipe my flushed face with the back of my hands. Sweat clings to my skin and drips onto the sheets, creating patterns and spirals. I pull myself out of the covers and stand on the carpet, wiping my eyes roughly. Still, no sounds. Where is Mum?

"Mum?" I call out, louder this time. Nothing.

"Mum?!" I shout. A gentle shuffling sound comes from downstairs, so I decide to follow it. As I get closer, I can distinguish the noises as walking around.

"Mu-" my voice stops. I come to a halt and stand frozen to my spot in fear. My eyes widen. I feel my hands trembling despite it's not cold. I feel my heart hammering in my chest, so loud it almost deafens me.

"We need to stop this, we need to stop this, we need to stop this..." Mum is pacing around the room, her hands on her temples and her eyes like golf balls. Sweat is dripping off the end of her nose as she repeats the words, "we need to stop this."

I creep closer towards her, slowly outstretching my arm towards her shaking body.

"We need to stop what, Mum?" I whisper, edging closer.

"We need to stop this, we need to stop this..." She repeats it quickly, yet manages to keep her words from jumbling up.

"Mum, stop!" I shout, fear coursing through me. Her voice cracks at the end of each sentence, making my heart clench tighter every time. She screws up her face as she mumbles the words, a tear falling down. I rush over to her and wipe it away with my thumb, letting it roll off my finger and onto the tiled floor.

Thud, thud, thud. My heart rate increases every second I watch this vulnerable side of Mum.

But suddenly, she stops.

She pauses on the spot.

Her breathing gradually slows. Her screwed up face begins to unwrinkle. The tears stop rolling down her cheeks and she seems to have relaxed. Her shoulders un-tense and her shaking slows. She's ok. She's ok, I tell myself.

"You're ok," I say aloud. She nods uncertainly, taking steps towards me. Her arms spread out wide and she wraps them around my shoulders securely, pulling me close towards her. I take a deep breath, smelling her familiar, safe scent.

She's ok. I'm ok.

We're ok.

At least, that's what I wanted to believe.

Because when Mum opened her mouth, my worst nightmare came out.

"You're going to a new school next week, Emma."

I let my arms drop to my sides. I stepped away from her and narrowed my eyes directly into hers.

"What?"

"I'm sorry, Emma. Do you expect me to watch you stay in your room, constantly? I know Leather Face was and still is a major problem for you, but that doesn't mean you can't have a life. You need to take your mind off him and onto different things - better things. I want to see you smile like you used to." She drops her head and stares at the floor sadly, as if she were ashamed.

I gaze at her and feel an emotion that I haven't been feeling for a while; guilt. Guilt and shame flood into my stomach and cause giant waves of butterflies to overcome me. I feel sick and teary at the same time, but also... Nothing.

Do you ever get those times when you just feel of.. Nothing? You don't feel sad or happy or angry or worried or excited, just... Lifeless. As if you're incapable of feeling any emotions, you're just a body getting on with life as usual. You feel of nothing, but that's never a good thing. It makes me feel worthless, odd, different. Not like a normal human being, but just an emotionless body.

Nothing.

Standing before Mum, I nod in a trance. She smiles, but not a genuine one. Just a plain smile you do when you hadn't heard what someone just said, or when someone said a joke and it wasn't funny but everyone's laughing. And knowing she'll probably never smile like that again, makes my insides feel like mush.

Beside feeling worthless and knowing you'll never see your Mum smile properly again, I've got another nightmare to face. Sympathetic kids and teachers... Too much sympathy. Boring work, making new friends, homework. Everything about it is horrible, and if this was an autobiography that people were reading right now, they'd probably be laughing at me. This won't make me better, it'll make my life ten times worse.

School.

***

A/N Apologies for the wait, my school thinks it's fun to give us three pieces of homework everyday and practically five minutes to complete it.

Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Emma starting a new school? What events will this bring? Read on and find out!

Also, thank you all so much for your support. Keep commenting and voting to let me know what you're thinking So far! THANX!

Jadey ❤