It's All In Your Head {Sequel to STCG}

Chapter 19 - A Fresh Start?

She looked between Dad, herself and I. Her foot was tapping impatiently as she tried to make up her own mind. For a second it felt as if time had slowed down, to allow Mum to choose. But I understood why she was taking so long, because if I was in her position I would definitely think it through.

"Do I get a choice in this?" I asked Dad quietly. Both my parents stared at me, confused. I had already made up my mind. I knew exactly what I wanted.

"You can express an opinion," Dad said awkwardly, "but mostly it's up to the adults. Don't worry though, we'll work something out."

Work something out? Didn't that just mean they'd pick whatever they wanted and promise they'd buy me, I don't know, a giant chocolate bar to make up for it?

"What do you think?" Mum suddenly piped up to Dad. He sat up straight, scratching his head as if he was thinking really hard.

"Personally? The house."

My shoulders sank - with relief. All I ever wanted was to escape my horrible reality and try to make a new life, to escape Lea- he who should not be named. Although his voice wasn't as frequent, I knew at some point he would show up out of the blue and put me through more trauma. More unwanted stress, just adding to the load I already had.

"But where would you work? You're job is already so well paying and we could do with £50,000," Mum said desperately. I frowned immediately. Didn't she want to leave all the worries she had behind too? Whatever stress I had, she had worse, so what was her reason to stay?

"What? Don't you think Emma deserves a fresh start?" Dad said, standing up suddenly. Mum joined him.

"You haven't even asked her! Emma, what do you want?"

I gaped at them both. Although I knew what I wanted, Mum had always been there for me when Dad wasn't. But Dad had been earning us the money, pretty much our life. I followed my brain though, trying to ignore my heart which was calling out to me.

"I want to leave this nightmare." My voice trembled slightly. It was still noticeable.

"See? She wants a new life. Heck, you spend more time with her than me yet I seem to know her ten times more," Dad raised his voice.

"I had to help her while she cried her flipping eyes out! Where were you, then?"

"I was keeping the roof over our head, that's what!" Dad yelled.

"While abandoning our traumatised daughter!"

That was it for me. Desperately holding back tears, I ran out the room and back upstairs to my bedroom. Mum and Dad had only just reunited and they were already arguing. Why weren't they hugging and discussing what they'd been doing recently? Why bring more sadness to my life?

I buried my head in the pillow and let the tears pour down my face like water from a tap. They soaked it in such a short amount of time I had to flip the pillow over and cry into that.

My life seemed worthless. I didn't even belong in the world, nobody needed me! Nobody needed me...

The bathroom was calling for me. I was in such a depressed, but also enraged state that there was only one way for relief.

I rushed towards the bathroom and grabbed the little object out of the cupboard. After locking the door, I sunk down on the floor and squeezed my eyes shut tightly. The blade was across my skin within seconds. Something warm trailed down my wrist and I heard the calming patter of it going on to the tiles.

My mind gradually stopped spinning until I could think clearly. Until whatever I said in my head made sense.

A fresh start? No. Never.