Love for dying boys [Todobaku]

13 | Don't take him away

TW panic attack, self harm

-Bakugous POV-

Since Shoto called me, I feel very worried, something just seems wrong and this feeling makes me scared, not for myself but for Shoto. Especially when he told me what his brother has done to him what if he does that again?

I don't know what I would do, if something happens to him.

I had several anxiety attacks since the call, not big ones. I could handle it.

It's so quite without Shoto, I feel just so lonely. Sure Nemuri, Deku and my parents came by more often, but they are not Shoto.

He was the one who lighted up my day, who made me laugh again, the one who showed me again what love is. Not the kind of love where you walk through the high school halls and the look at each other and fall in love, not this cliche thing, it is more, can you even describe it? It was more like the feeling when you wake up on a saturday morning very early and don't feel tired or completely awake, just when you feel relaxed and happy. It's like when you get that weird feeling when you hear a certain song that you haven't heard in years. It is like when you go through a day without worries. When you just look into space, sky, stars, whatever, and have this happy scared feeling of what's above you. I think that's how I'd describe it for myself.

It isn't that strong anymore since he is gone, the feeling I mean. Something is just missing. I won't forgive me, if something happens to him.

"Katsuki time for lunch" Nemuri walks in with the liquid food.

Things just got worse since he's gone, I just stopped eating and then we needed to start with the liquid food again.

I remember when Dr. Toshinori talked with my mother about that. They were in another room when he told her, that I got worse. I could hear her cry. She was just so worried, they even needed to give her sedative, because she couldn't calm down.

It was really heartbreaking. Annoying too, but I feel guilty for thinking that, they're all just worried.

I remember when that happened the first time, I almost died because the stupid nurse didn't know how it works.

I think now she's just scared, my mom I mean, or more sad, that I hadn't gotten better. And to be honest, I am also disappointed in me. I'm just a fuck up.

"Where is the stupid lady, who doesn't knew how to do this shit?"

She looks up "You mean Takeyama? She still works here, but she isn't allowed to work with food" I nod.

After I, well you can't really call it eating, got lunch I just stared at the wall, like I always do. I lost all interest in everything, I just stared at the wall the whole day, waiting for it to end. It just really hurts to just stop being happy because something, or more specific, someone is missing.

I feel tears rolling down my cheeks. I wipe them away, but new ones come every second. I bury my face in my hands and break out crying. I try to hold it back, but it just huts so much.

But to lighten your day I also have good news, well not about me but about the others in the hospital.

Eri is finally out, she got a new heart. It was a really difficult operation, Nemuri was there too, she had only 40 percent chance to survive this operation and the angel she is, she did it. Her dads also got married.

This dying boy, from whom I stole the cosplays, isn't dying anymore. He starts to beat cancer. When he first find out that he got better, his whole family was there and let me tell you, he really has a lot of family members. They were all crying too. I hope they won#t come for me because of the cosplays though.