Love for dying boys [Todobaku]

18 | Tell me that you love me

I wish the earth was flat so I could yeet myself of the edge

-Todorokis POV-

"Do you have all your things?" "As if I had much here. Yeah, I have everything" I take my bag and walk out with Spike. "Well, you are finally out" I nod "After eight years in this fucking prison" he shrugs "But we cured your depression". If he really thinks that he cured my depression, then he is crazy. How would I be okay without Katsuki? Does he even know in what kind of fear I lived? How scared I was? Fucking son of a bitch. I think the only things he did good is letting me and Katsuki write letters each other, even though he soon stopped that action, and that he believed in being gay and let us be.

"I think your boyfriend will like your long hair" I stay silent and we continue to walk through the halls. "I know I said that I will get you out sooner than the others would, but we had difficulties in the institute" "it really doesn't matter now Spike. I am going out now and can finally see Katsuki again, so it really doesn't , matter what difficulties you had" I sigh and look at the ground. "So this is the last door. Your sister will pick you up. You just first need to fil out some papers" I nod.

I fill out the papers and after that I was greeted at the main entrance by Fuyumi. "Oh god, Shoto. How are you, are you okay" she hugs me as if it is the end of the world, I don't hug back. "Lets go, I want to get out of this hell hole" I walk out while she stands frozen there, soon she catches up. We sit down in the car. "Shoto what' wrong?" she sighs and looks down at her hands "You really don't realize what you did?" she looks up with tears in her eyes "You literally sent me to some institute of which you didn't have the smallest idea what it really is. You could at least google what kind of place it is, but you decided it is the best to put me in that mental institute where mom is and still isn't out. What where you fucking thinking?" "I...." I sigh "Whatever, drive already, I can't see this place anymore" she hesitates a second but eventually starts the car and drives wherever we are driving.

After about one hour of driving in silence, we arrived at our old home "It was really lonely without you" I open the car door "Then you shouldn't put me in that hell hole" and walk out. I grab my things and walk in. I walk past Natsuo, who wanted to greet me, and directly to my bedroom.

I throw my things on my bed and walk in my bathroom. The razor blade that I used back then, when I almost died, still lies in the corner on the ground. I take off my clothes and step in the shower. Even though I am at home, it doesn't feel like home. I hum the depressing song that Katsuki did hum when we wanted to jump off of the building. Sad how true this small song is. 

I step out of the shower and look in the mirror. My hair really got long. I open the drawers and find my old razor blades. I thought Fuyumi would get rid of them. I finished what I was doing in the bathroom, got dressed and walked downstairs.

"Wanna talk Shoto?" Fuyumi and Natsuo are sitting on the couch "And what do you want to talk about?" they look at each other but then again at me "About how you feel?" I raise my eyebrows "That sounded more like a question than like an answer" they silent "But sure you want to talk? Lets talk" I sit down and look at them "So? Ask, what do you want to know?" they hesitate "If you don't know what to ask, I'll be going" I stand up "No wait!" I sit down again "Are you mad at us?" now I am the one being silent. They look down "Mad is the wrong word" they look up "I am disappointed. I just don't have words for how I feel. You knew that it is the mental health institute where mom is and still you put me in there? I fucking spend eight years there. You know in normal institutes you can decide whether you want to stay there or not when you turn eighteen. Look at me" I feel tears rolling down my cheeks "I'm fucking twenty-six years old. You know what Spike, my therapist there, told me?" I shake my head "This fucking hell hole is illegal! What were you thinking? Dad probably payed them to keep mom there as long as possible" I stand up "I'm going out" they run after me "Where are you going?" "Katsukis" she grabs me by my shoulder "You don't know where he lives" I slap her hand off of me "I spend more time with him than with you. I know where he lives" she grabs me by my hand, but I again get out of her grip "Do you want to walk there? I can drive you" "I spent eight years in the institute, I'm pretty sure that I need a small walk now" I smile at her with hate and continue walking, she stops walking after me.

I walk through the city and to be honest, it didn't change. Everything is the same. There are new shops here and there but everything else is the same.

After a long walk I arrive at the Bakugou house. I walk to the door and knock twice. After a couple of seconds Mitsuki opens the door. "Shoto?" I scratch my neck "Where is Katsuki?"she walks to the side so I could come in "He is upstairs, second door on the right" I nod and walk upstairs. 

My heart is pounding like it's going to jump out of my chest any second. I knock on the door and wait "Go away mom" his voice sound weak and tired. I open the door and walk in, seeing Katsuki lying on his bed with eyes closed "I said go away mom!" I smile "I'm sure it's cool being a mom, but I don't want to be yours" he opens his eyes and sits up immediately. "Shoto" he almost whispers. I put my hand in my mouth and nod, tears rolling down as if my eyes are a waterfall.

"Shoto" he stands up but that's it, we just stand there looking at each other. "Are we just going to stand here?" I say "Come and hug me you moron" we laugh and run to each other. Not even five seconds later we stand there arm in arm. "I can't believe that I see you again. I love you" I nod "I love you too". We cry into each others shoulders.

Soon, after crying and hugging, we sat on his bed cuddling. "I thought I'm never gonna see you again" he nods "Yeah, I was so scared" I kiss him on he head "You know the mental health institute is illegal" he nods again "Yeah, after I got out of that hell, we drove to the police station and displayed them" "Good".

(So I'm sorry I don't know much, I googled and I apologize for mistakes. Please comment and I'll fix the mistakes спасибо)

"You look good with long hair" I touch my hair "You think so?" "Yeah" I hug him tighter "How do you feel?" he sighs "I already told you, I feel fine now. I'm not anorexic now so yeah, food is a normal thing to me now, but the thought of how they treated me will always trigger me" I frown a little "I mean your dysphoria" he stays silent for a moment "Thanks to Spike it wasn't all to bad, still I feel like dying. He got me a binder and got me testosterone, so yeah" "You sure you are okay?" I sit up and cup his face "Shoto really, there is no need to worry, it could be worse" I nod "I'm just worried" he takes my hands in his and wipes my tear away "It's okay. But how are you?" I shrug "Fine I guess. Now better that I am with you" he smiles and kisses me. "I missed this" I nod and lean in again for a kiss.

Someday everything will be perfectly fine. We will do what other normal people will do, get judged a little bit here and there, get hate, but we will also be someones inspiration,we will help others and others will help us. But for now we will laugh through the tears, smile through the confusion, ignore the disappointing things in life, disappoint others, get broken because of dreams that can't come true and try to fix it by thinking that everything happens for a reason. We just need to wait a little bit longer, then everything will be perfectly fine.

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self care is officially over we're doing drugs again

So if you have questions just ask. Oh and this is NOT THE END so yeah, suffer or enjoy.

Fun fact: If I misspell one word I look disgusted at the word.

Have you heard what is going in russia and poland? The fucking hunting organization in russia, who kills gay people and killed a women not so long ago? And the parade (?) in poland where the people were attacked by homophobes and the police didn't do much/anything? Were you ever scared to be a part of the lgbt community. I am now. And I found out that my "best friend" is lgbtq+ phobic? like no thank you but no.

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