Okay, I think I've put it off long enough.
This chapter is about, GREAT COMEBACKS!
Admit it, guys, you've been in a fight before where you've been slammed with an insult from the other person. Then you stand there stupidly, thinking of a comeback.
Well, I'm here to help you! (does this sound like a retarded commercial? Good.)
When somebody rolls their eyes at you:
Keep rolling them, you might just find your brain!
When someone calls you gay:
I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse. (not meant to be homophobic)
When your teacher asks you why you're talking while they're teaching:
Why are you teaching during my conversation then?
~~~~~~~~
Me: I got my first kiss!
Person: Dude, your dad doesn't count.
Me: I know, but yours does.
When a teacher asks you why you didn't study:
A year has 365 days for you to study.
After taking away 52 Sundays, there are only 313 days left. There are 50 days in the summer that is way too hot to work so there are only 263 days left.
We sleep 8 hours a day, in a year, that counts up to 122 days so now we're left with 141 days. If we fooled around for only 1 hour a day, 15 days are gone, so we are left with 126 days.
We spend 2 hours eating each day, 30 days are used in this way in the year, and we are left with 96 days in our year. We spend 1 hour a day speaking to friends and family, that takes away 15 days more and we are left with 81 days.
Exams and tests take up at least 35 days in your year, hence you are only left with 46 days. Taking off approximately 40 days of holidays, you are only left with 6 days.
Say you are sick for a minimum of 3 days, you're left with 3 days in the year to study!
Let's say you only go out for 2 days... You're left with 1 day. But that 1 day is your birthday.
When someone calls you ugly:
Me: Really?
Person: YAH
Me: Good, I was trying to pass off as your twin.
When a random dude (or a douche) comes up to you:
Douche: My d*ck comes with a choking hazard.
Me: Don't they only put that on small objects?
~~~~~~~~
Dad: Can you get me a soft drink?
Me: Coke or Pepsi?
Dad: Coke.
Me: Normal or diet?
Dad: Normal please.
Me: Bottle or can?
Dad: Bottle...
Me: 1 litre or 0.5 litres?
Dad: Screw it. Get me some water then.
Me: Normal or carbonated?
Dad: Normal!
Me: Hot, warm or cold?
Dad: Go away!
Me: Now or later?
Dad: I'MMA KILL YA!
Me: Knife or gun?
Dad: GUN!
Me: In the head or in the heart?
Dad: FUCK IT NEVER MIND.
~~~~~~~~
Future child: Mom? I didn't get into university.
Me: I had sex with your dad.
Future child: What the fuck?
Me: Oh, I'm sorry, I thought we were talking about things that are plainly obvious.
~~~~~~~~
Boy: If I was your husband I'd poison your drink.
Me: And if I was your wife I'd drink it.
When a cop stops you for speeding and says "papers"
Me: Scissors. I win! *drives off*
When someone says that they're bringing sexy back:
Me: I thought you were the reason that sexy left... Huh.
~~~~~~~~
Person: FAIL!
Me: I'm sorry, is this supposed to be your auto-biography?
When someone fails at verbally abusing you:
Me: Bitch, I could eat an entire can of alphabet soup and SHIT out a better statement than that.
~~~~~~~~
Police: Where do you live?
Me: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: With me.
Police: Where do the three of you live?
Me: Together.
Police: Where's your house?
Me: Next to my neighbour's house.
Police: And where is your neighbour's house?
Me: You wouldn't believe me if I told you.
Police: TELL ME FUCKING WHERE!
Me: Next to my house.
A/N
Sorry if I hurt anyone's feelings (although I don't know why I would) but I hope you enjoyed this! Which is your favourite one? And tell me in the comments if you've used any of these before or if you're planning to.
Also, as you all know (okay, maybe two of you) I have tons of other stories too. Do any of you know the game 2048? (Rachy567 might) Well, I made my own version, but with my story covers! Also, I included one of Rachy567's story covers (A Winter Story) and also DancingFangirl467's (Deception).
The link is below:
http://community.usvsth3m.com/2048/wattpad-stories-edition/
Also, I hate how you can't copy and paste things from Wattpad, both online and on mobile.
DAYUM IT.
I'll put it in the comments and you just copy it from there kay?
YOU ARE READING
Teenage Posts (Finished)
HumorThese are some of my favourite teenage posts. Note: Most of these aren't mine, some are referenced and most aren't, so bear with me, okay...
