Just Friends

Chapter 16 The lie (from Didi's POV)

After the first sleepover, I realized I got myself into a lot of trouble. A girl's trouble. I found a girl that I really liked. I had never felt about any other girl the way I felt about this one. She had everything I wanted for my girl to have, and I hadn't even known that I wanted it all until I met her. The cuteness that was melting everything inside me, wittiness making me loose almost each one of our arguments, real beauty shining its way to my heart, sex-appeal killing me every second I was close to her. And all of this was just a small part of the complicated, smart bombshell she was. I fell in love with her the moment I saw her, but after a month of back and forth with her, I could easily affirm that I loved her with all my heart and with all of her messed up flaws. The problem was she didn't love me back. Of course, I could have fallen literally for any other girl and was loved back, but I fell for the one who didn't want me.

I was now her prisoner, unable to have her and unable to leave her, to cut this thing off. I was enjoying a lot all the sleepovers we had, but the more I spend time with her, the more I wanted her to be mine. And it became a burden, the distance she always kept, the wall she put between us.

Sometimes I watched her after she fell asleep, her steady breathing, slightly parted lips and rosy cheeks, always wearing only my t-shirt. She was gorgeous and for days it was just perfect. I had her so close, it was so much, it was enough, but soon it began to bother me. So close, but almost completely unavailable for me neither emotionally nor physically.

We had so many opportunities to have sex, I stopped even counting. Always somehow ending with touching each other. Her touch, even a light skim, was making me loose my mind, my thoughts were becoming foggy. I was hers, she could do whatever she wanted, whatever she needed with me, I would oblige. And with all this happening, we hadn't even kissed. It was all my fault. I had never pushed her to do anything. Never went further than where she led me. I was just her brainwashed follower and she always guided me to the gate, never inside the actual place. The level of horny I was in, was making me scared for myself. I even started to consider sleeping with Sun Qian to relax, to get back on my feet. How had I become so miserable? I was smoking and drinking my life away, because of her. I became just one big frustrated, depressed and desperate teenager, because of her.

I was suffering in secret that wasn't carefully kept, still she was clueless about it.

'Hey.' She said as soon as she woke up in the middle of the night and found me not sleeping.

'Hey.' I responded.

'Why aren't you sleeping?' She wanted to know.

'I'm thinking.' I said with pain in my voice.

'Then don't think, just go to sleep.'

'I can't.'

'Do you want me to hug you?'

'A friend's hug?' I laughed bitterly.

'Yes.' She replied firmly.

'Sure, I could use one.' I sighed.

'Are you sad?' She asked, still not hugging me.

'No, I'm just tired.' I lied.

'You can't sleep because of me?' She definitely knew me already and wasn't as clueless as I always assumed.

Yes. I thought.

'No.' I answered.

She hugged me and it felt so good. For a second all my problems she caused had disappeared in the warmth of her body. Then she pulled away and started to stroke my face and hair. Her gentle touch was melting my heart.