They Both Die at the Start

Chapter 6

01:02

AIMEE

Lidia's apartment block looks nice. Not a boxes-of-flowers-by-the-windows or a dressed-up-doorman-by-the-entrance kind of nice; but a no-one minds about the broken bulb and neighbours who look out for each other kind of nice. It looks like the sort of apartment I always imagined living in when I moved out of foster care. It looks like a home.

We head up a stained concrete staircase to the third floor. Lidia knocks on a peeling pink door, and, a few minutes later, a pale baby is safely nestled in her arms. With practiced skill, she somehow manages to unlock the door as Penny starts to gently fall asleep in her warm embrace. She enters her apartment, carefully navigating the floor full of toys and baby-stuff, before softly sitting on a worn sofa. I follow, feeling out of place in their practiced routine.

As she sits, she just stares at her daughter. She doesn't cry as she looks as what she's losing. She doesn't sob looking at the most important person she has to leave behind. She doesn't scream looking at the future she'll miss; birthdays, first days at school, holidays, graduations. She doesn't whimper looking at the expensive angel who will belong to someone else.

She doesn't mourn the memories together that they'll never make.

A tear rolls down my cheek as I watch their futures get torn apart into separate solar systems.

She stands suddenly. Eyes more focused, more determined.
"We have to go out. I said I'd meet someone." She says decidedly but softly, "But first I have to get Penny dressed, can you make a pot of coffee? It's going to be a long day." She says boldly.
As if simply making up her mind will make it true.

She returns 10 minutes later, with Penny still asleep but now dressed in a cute blue dress. A gasp escapes her as she looks at her daughter.
"Are you ok?" I ask knowing that she never could be.
"Matteo brought Penny this dress. It was sizes too big when he brought it and we joked that we'd have to feed Penny every minute if she would ever fit into it. But time passed, Mateo's gone and he'll never see her now the dress fits."

Unable to speak I careful wrap my arms around their tiny family, as Lidia finally breaks down sobbing, missing her best friend and her daughter's future. Time passes and the sobs subside. She pulled herself away and sniffs for a second before asking,
"Can you watch Penny, I should probably change?"
I look down at the both of us, surprised to see our two funeral outfits.
"Only if I can borrow some clothes from you."

 

A giggle escapes my mouth at the irony of one black and one yellow pair of funeral dresses. Lidia joins in and for a moment we forget the pain we've endured and the pain yet to come and just laugh.