They Both Die at the Start

Chapter 14

13:31

LIDIA

I wake up to the golden sun, blazing down though the tree leaves onto my face.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit." I cry, causing Lucy and Aimee to wake with a start. Once they realise I'm in no immediate danger, Aimee checks her watch.

"Oh my god, its half one."

"Exactly," I say, "I just wasted a whole hour on my last day sleeping. We don't know how long I have left. Ugh, how could I be so stupid? I should've been doing something worthwhile, not just sleeping."

"Hey it'll be okay," Lucy says, clearly not awake enough to be comforting me but still trying her best, "We clearly needed that, so it means you'll be less tired for the rest of the day. There's nothing we can do to change that now."

Before I can get a word in, Aimee speaks, clearly trying to distract me,

"Why don't we go and get some proper lunch, there's this great little café nearby that Rufus used to love, we could go there and see if Tagoe and Malcolm wanted to join us?"

After I agree to that, she walks away to phone them and tell them our plans. I look at my still-sleeping daughter, realising it's the right time now, I have to let her go.

Leaving her might break my heart but I've been selfish enough already keeping her with me. I have to be strong for her. I don't her to watch her mother die or even get injured somehow in whatever causes my death. I love her too much to do that to her.

"Hey guys, can we stop off on the way to the café, there's something I have to do." I say, smiling down at my sleeping daughter, a full spectrum of emotions beating in my heart.

14:02

AIMEE

I wait outside the building with Lucy- we'd agreed it was something Lidia had to do alone. About half an hour later, she comes out of the social services building; tears racing down her face, arms empty, her head hanging low. We both wrap our arms around her and let her cry. No words would be able to comfort her right now.

"But-tt..." she says through her wracking sobs, "they won't-t know that you have to pat her back three t-times to get her to sleep... or that her favourite song is... or h-how amazing she is and h-how much her mother l-loves her..."

I look over at Lucy and I can see how much we're both aching for the poor broken girl in front of us. She tries to reassure our friend,

"I know it's not easy, it's probably the hardest thing you've ever had to do. But I know you want this, you'd rather have this over having your daughter watch you, well, you know..."

"Y-you're right, I k-know you're right, my brain tells me this is the r-right thing but my heart is being smashed into t-thousands of tiny pieces. I can... can hardly breathe."

"I know its not the same," I say, "but we're not going anywhere, we'll visit her all the time, we'll watch her grow up and make sure she knows how much her mother loves her."

"Y-you guys have been completely a-amazing today, I k-know it's not official or anything, but I want you two to be Penny's godmothers- I couldn't i-imagine anybody better."

At this, both me and Lucy lose our composure and before long we're all crying and hugging. Three girls in the middle of a New York sidewalk as the hundreds of tourists and commuters brush past us on all sides.