They Both Die at the Start

Chapter 8

03:14

LIDIA

Standing outside my grandmother's apartment block, I'm not sure I can do this. Say goodbye. But I have to. I owe her that much. Lucy stands to one side of me and Aimee (carrying a still sleeping Penny) stands to the other. As much as I need them right now, they can't come in with me I have to do this by myself. Wordlessly, I take my daughter from Aimee's strong arms and enter her building.

The building speaks memories from our past. Scratched floorboards from where Abuelita tried teaching me to roller-skate up and down the corridor; a stain in the carpet from a melted popsicle on a hot summers day; and a dent at the bottom of the stairs from the time I slipped and crashed into the wall, breaking my arm in the process. This building is my home as much as Abuelita's.

She practically raised me. I never had a close relationship to my parents so whenever I needed a parental figure, I turned to Abuelita. Today I turned to her again, not because I need advice on a boy or someone to sign a permission slip, but because she's one of the few people I need to say goodbye to.

Also because she has all of Penny's important documents as apparently I was never trustworthy enough to look after them.

I wish I could leave Penny with Abuelita, but that isn't an option. Recently I see Abuelita getting out of breath climbing the stairs (as much as she tries to hide it). There's no way she could manage a baby, especially one as straight-up chaotic as Penny.

I look down at the blissfully sleeping girl in my arms as the elevator takes us up to the right floor. I don't know what I can do. I can't leave her to Abuelita, I haven't spoken to my parents in months, I hate the impersonality of putting her into social care. There's no easy solution.

Slowly walking down the corridor, I brace myself. For the mountain of paperwork I'll be facing about my daughter and my funeral and my finances and other mind-numbing boring legal stuff that will take up too much of my end day.

And for the final goodbye and thanks I have to say to my Abuelita, who raised me when my parents didn't, who comforted me when I got pregnant as a teenager and later when Christian died.

Knowing words will never be enough, I knock on her door. She told me to always come, regardless of the time or day, whenever I needed her. I have no doubt she'll be here for me now like ever.

04:46

AIMEE

"She's been gone too long" I tell Lucy, even though she must be thinking it too, "Maybe she tripped and fell, maybe the elevator fell, maybe there was a fire, maybe she had a heart-attack, maybe..."

"Stop that Aimee. She's fine, there must be a lot to sort out and she must have a lot to say to her grandma"

I'm glad Lucy's here. I know I only met her a couple hours ago but I trust her and she always know what to say. She's good-hearted and strong, exactly the type of person you'd want around on someone's end-day, though I hope we stay in touch past today. Still, even her words can't remove the worry from my mind.

"But what if...?"

"Aimee think, if something had happened there would be an ambulance or police or fire trucks or something. It's ok she's safe."

Her logic reassures me but not before I glance out of the windows of the little café we found across the street to wait at. No blaring sirens, or flashing lights. Not yet anyway.

"Aimee stop worrying, look, she's coming."

I whip my head around to see Lidia, coming out of the building, eyes red, bag of paperwork, swaying from her arm, a now awake Penny drinking from a bottle they must've got from her grandmothers.

We both jump up, chuck a tip on the table, and drag the buggy out of the café and across the street towards her.

Lucy takes Penny and securely straps her into the buggy. I wrap my arms around Lidia as she tries to wipe her eyes and stop her tears, attempting to somewhat compose herself. It's clear she doesn't want to talk about what just happened, and neither myself or Lucy are going to make her.

"So" She says, with way more confidence than she must be feeling, "Where to next?"