CHAT TOWER [AVENGERS]

DISAPPEAR

♪ You're listening to: YOUNGBLOOD - 5 Seconds of Summer ♪

Nat
Online

1:07AM

You:
Natasha

Nat:
yeah?

You:
I don't know how long we can keep this up.

Nat:
what?

You:
This distance. It's not working.

Nat is typing

...

Nat
Offline

____________________________________

1:30AM

Nat:
ok. so what do you want exactly?

You:
I don't know

Nat:
i mean, it's only been about 4 months since we've seen each other but if it's that bad already, i guess we already know how this is going to go.

You:
Wait, only? See, the problem is I don't think I can stay away from you for this long. And if this keeps happening constantly, I don't know how I'm going to cope.

Nat:
you knew what you were getting yourself into when you started working for Fury. you knew we'd be apart more often, and we agreed that we'd go on, despite the distance. we've done this consistently for nearly 2 years. so what's changing your mind now?

You:
I can't imagine this to be a permanent situation. Okay? It's too much, not being able to see you or talk to you... Sometimes for weeks, you'll disappear. And I don't know if you're okay and it drives me mad. I know that you're Natasha Romanoff, and you can take on any goddamn thing that you want to, but I still have this constant fear that I can't quite explain. That one day, you'll disappear and I'm going to think you're okay, when really, you're not and I'm not going to be able to be there. I don't know.

Nat:
tell me what you want me to do.

You:
...

You:
I thought maybe you felt the same way.

You:
That maybe we couldn't go on like this.

You:
Because I don't think I can. I thought maybe if this was a mutual feeling, it would be easier.

You:
To move on...?

...

Nat:
well guess what? you're right. that one day, I might disappear without warning and I might never come back. but that's always been the case, with you or without you.

Nat:
but here's where you're wrong. i don't feel the same way. not in the fucking slightest.

Nat:
Because the strangest thing is that, when I 'disappear' for weeks or I can't physically reach you for months, I just stop and think about what I'm going through in that moment. That I'm miserable, having to witness all shit that we do, not being able to save everyone that's dying right in front of our eyes. But on the days where I feel like I'm going to give up on this, whatever we're holding onto right now, I think about what I'm going to feel when I see you after the sixth month of not being able to. That feeling, above everything else.
I don't know if that sounds healthy, it's probably not. But I don't give a damn right now. I just know that when it gets bad, I close my eyes and I try to feel that one moment. The one where I get to come home to you.

Part 2 coming up