Being a Mother

Chapter 1: Fiona

N.BSorry for putting so many of these things in -> * but it just makes it so much easier to separate. Thank you!! (: If you like pleease vote or comment or both or whatever :D x

I was lying on the spongy hospital bed, my husband in a chair beside me. I looked over at the small sleeping body in the cot next to me. She was beautiful. My husband Daniel, sensing my longing, reached over and picked our daughter up. I looked up at him as he handed her over to me. She fit perfectly into my arms. Daniel smiled a small, timid smile. There was no screaming any more. Both me and the baby had quieted down. She was beautiful, tiny rosebud lips, a mass of strawberry blonde hair and long dark eye lashes. I looked up at my husband again. "Fiona," I whispered. "She's called Fiona."

***

Fi (as we called Fiona) ran into the sitting room, jumped into my lap and buried her face in my chest. "Fi! What's wrong honey?" I asked whilst rubbing soothing circles in her back.

"Mummy I'm really, really, really sorry," She sobbed. She couldn't pronounce the 'r's properly - after all, she was only three. I shushed her, sat her properly on my lap and and rocked her. "Calm down baby. Now tell me what's wrong."

She looked up at me with a tear stained face, her blue eyes glistening. She put her head back in my chest and mumbled something. I leaned in closer to her, and she whispered in my ear, "I broke the lamp. Please don't shout mummy I didn't mean to..." her words became incoherent as she hid her face again. I sighed. I knew exactly which lamp she was talking about. The one which had cost £75. The one I always reminded her to be careful of.

I kept rocking her and stroking her soft strawberry blonde hair until her whimpers subsided. She looked at me and hiccuped. This made me smile, and she did too. She put her hands on either side of my face and turned it to make me look directly at her. "I'm really sorry," she said yet again.

I laughed, and led her into the kitchen. "Let's make some cakes, baby."

We were in the process of making cakes when Daniel came in. Fi had dabbed some flour on my nose to make me a 'real' chef. So I had given her warrior stripes on her cheeks, and we were having a flour fight. My Fi could make me feel so young again.

Daniel laughed when he saw the state of us, and the kitchen. He quickly took the camera from the shelf and took a few pictures. Fi squealed and ran over to him, wrapping her tiny arms around his legs. He patted her head. I came over and kissed him on the cheek. Fi beckoned to me. I knelt down and she whispered in my ear. I stood up and winked at her. "Daniel?" I asked.

"Rebecca?" he replied.

"You have something on your cheek," I said, as I dabbed some flour on his face.

Fi laughed and grabbed the camera. "Smile!" she yelled.

***

Daniel had disappeared of to the pub. This made me worried. He had been going there more frequently recently, mainly because he was going through troubles at work. Many people were going to be made redundant, and he didn't know whether he was one of those people or not. He was drinking to drown out his fears. He became slightly violent when he was drunk. Of course, he was lovely sober, I loved him, truly loved him. But he had been aggressive, pushing me roughly out of the way if I stood in his path. Once he even shoved my against the wall.

In the morning he always apologised though. And I believe he meant it. He would literally get on his knees and beg for forgiveness. And how could I refuse? My daughter had inherited her eyes from him. She had my hair though. Daniel had dark brown waves that fell over his eyes, which he would flick out of the way. I would melt under his gaze. He could charm anyone.

So anyway, I was with my daughter. She was watching the T.V - Shaun the Sheep I believe? I was working at home, typing furiously at my computer. It was only when I went up to get a drink of water (good for the skin) that I noticed the time. Half past nine already?

"Fi!" I shouted through the kitchen door, "Get up to bed honey!" I heard the T.V being turned off.She appeared at the door.

"Will you come with me?" she asked quietly. I picked her up and whirled her around.

"Would I have it any other way?"

***

Fi was so beautiful when she slept. Like a little baby angel.

I tiptoed silently down the stairs. Almost as soon as I landed in the hallway the door burst open, slamming against the wall. I looked up nervously towards Fi's bedroom. There wasn't a sound coming from up there. I turned to face Daniel. He stumbled in, reeking of alcohol. His eyes focused on me, and he reached out. I took a step backwards, towards the kitchen.

"What's wrong,honey?" he asked, slurring his words. He was really drunk tonight.

I spoke some calm soothing words to him. "Daniel, maybe you need a bit of sleep. Why don't I get you a cool glass of water, and then-" I broke off as he slapped my face. I rubbed my cheek, feeling it burning and stinging already.

Then he pushed me to the ground, and gave me a kick in the ribs. I rolled away from him and curled up in a tight ball. He thudded up the steps and went into our room. I was still on the floor, crying faintly.

For some, reason, I was expecting something like that would happen. Of course I was shocked, but I had always had a sneaking suspicion that he would one day let go of his perfect image.

In the morning I woke up on the sofa after Daniel had already left. I had been moved. My favourite blanket was lying on top of me. I got up and headed into the kitchen. On the table was a note and my favourite flower, a lily. The note read:

Sorry. I'll see you tonight :( x