Being a Mother

Chapter 7: Accident

I think I needed a break. I was certainly a lot wearier, and everyday felt more exhausting than the previous.

And, me being me, I decided to do something about it.

So, I arranged for a baby sitter to come round and look after the children on friday until about twelve, or later. I was going out with some friends. Of course she happily accepted - she was a student and needed the money. Her name was Abi, and she was someone I vaguely knew; she was a friend's daughter in law. Abi seemed very nice, warm, and when she arrived she immediately got on with the children. She had Fi in fits of giggles and Nathan asleep content on her lap. She put on the T.V and made Fi settle down. She gave me the it's-all-in-control-you-can-go look and smiled. I smiled back, despite my worries. She seemed capable, but something was niggling in the back of my mind...

I arrived with my friends, Ella, Jenna, Sophie and Rhianna and we were having a good time. I had a few drinks, not enough to make me properly intoxicated, but enough to make me laugh far to often and things that now I don't recall being that funny.

I was having a very good time - it was nice, being out with the girls again.

***

I heard my phone bleeping and took it out. There was a message from Abi's phone. It read:

im so so sorry but i think it would be better if u came back home. i feel really bad and cant think properly and i have a horrible headache. So sorry. think it wud be bettr for the kids tho!! sorry!!

Just my look, I thought, slightly vexed. But I said bye to the girls anyway and drove home.

I unlocked the door and walked into the living room, where I saw Abi on the couch, leaning over with her eyes closed and a bowl in her hands. She looked horribly pale. I ran over to her and sat down beside her, rubbing soothing circles on her back.

"Abi, are you ok?" I asked franticly.

She coughed, then vomited into the bowl. She whispered "The kids are in bed... I really think..." and then she fainted.

I screamed, and heard Fi running down the stairs as I checked her pulse.

Why hadn't I listened to first aid all those years ago?

I guessed that her pulse was slower than it should be. Fi was next to me, and I ordered her to get Nathan while I phoned for an ambulance. I drummed my fingers on the side whilst waiting for it, anxiously glancing from Abi to the road. Fi came back down, with Nathan, who was crying. I guess we must have caused a lot of commotion, because our neighbour, Alan, came running over in his dressing gown and slippers. I quickly rushed to open the door and quickly explained everything. Then he offered to take Nathan and Fi from me while I went to the hospital with Abi.

Fi looked up at me. I knew she hated Alan.

"Please mummy," She whispered. I couldn't bear to leave her. Nathan was asleep - he'd never know what had happened. But Fi would be anxiously waiting for our return - feeling every single second. Every single second with the neighbour she hated.

At that moment the ambulance arrived. I looked at Alan. "Please," I said, my voice hoarse. "Please take Nathan. I'll take Fi..." Fi ran and hugged me around the waist. I stroked her hair. Alan and Nathan left. The ambulance people came in. They carried Abi away, leaving me and Fi. I told Fi to get her coat and shoes on, while I followed the paramedics as they checked Abi's vitals.

"Can we go with Abi?" I asked.

"Sorry, but we can't take any by-standers." he said apologetically.

"What?" I exclaimed in my half whisper, half shout voice.

"I'm sorry. But you can go to the hospital and meet her there, if you like." He said.

I nodded. "Ok. I'll do that." I turned to Fi, who was standing in the doorway, clutching her favourite doll with the retractable hair.

"Come on babe, inside my car," I said while motioning to it. We got inside and drove after the ambulance. Obviously, we got there later, because we couldn't just skip the traffic. But there weren't that many queues, so we were managing to keep up alright.

"I'm sorry mummy," Fi began.

"What honey? What's wrong?" I asked.

"Well, I..." she gave a sob, "I think it might have been... well,"

"Fi, what's wrong?" I repeated, getting sterner.

Fi burst into tears. It was then that I made my mistake. I glanced towards her, suddenly sympathetic. It was just for a second. When I looked back towards the road, a car was speeding towards us.

***

You know how in dreams, when sometimes you want to run, but it feels as though you're wading through water? Well that moment felt like that. Everything was in slow motion, but I wasn't fast enough.

I spun the wheel round, to try and avoid it, even though I knew it was too late. I heard the screeching of brakes. I felt my head slam into the airbag, and the seat belt practically chocked me. I was surrounded by pain. Fi, I thought. But it was too late. I slumped forwards, loosing consciousness.