#16

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Anna's POV

"Let's go!!!!"
"Brendon, calm down" Mike says while laughing.
We were all getting ready for the first show of tour.
"Guys, you all are running around like headless chooks"
They all stop, stare and laugh.
"What?"
"You sound so Aussie!" Dan tells me.
"Maybe that's because I am Aussie"

"Right does everyone know the order we are playing?" Zack asks everyone in the room. We nod our head. The list was:

Idkhow:
Opening Band
Social Climb
Bleed Magic
Modern Day Cain
Absinthe
Choke

Twenty One Pilots:
Heavydirtysoul
Chlorine
Car Radio
Addict with a pen
Nico and the Niners
Truce
Lane Boy
Trees

Fall Out Boy:
Wilson (Expensive Mistakes)
Dance, Dance
Thnks fr th Mmrs
Jet Pack Blues
Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea
My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark

Panic! At the Disco:
Ballad of Mona Lisa
Golden Days
LA Devotee
Say Amen
Nicotine
Hurricane

Panic, Idkhow and Fall Out Boy:
I Write Sins, Not Tragedies
20 Dollar Nose Bleed

"Right. Good. Idkhow you're on in 5" and with that, Zack walks outs.
"Before you leave," Brendon says, while holding up a shot, "Good luck out there everyone, here's to our first show" they all take a shot except the band members who don't drink and me because, well, I'm underage.

"Idkhow you're on in 1" some random crew member says.
"Right lets go Dallon"
They both leave the room and I follow Zack who had come back. I was going to sit with Zack backstage whilst everyone was performing.
"Do not. I repeat. Do not leave Zack. Don't leave the venue either without one of us" Brendon has said to me earlier that day.

I find a seat backstage where I could see the stage. Tyler had come with us because he wanted to.
"Hey Tyler? Can I please have my phone back?"
"Sure. If you're sure though?"
"Yep. I know that the fans that are hating me don't matter, I have so many people who support me and I also want to take photos"
He smiles
"Yes you definitely do have a lot of support and I'll go grab your phone"
He left and came back one song (social climb) later.

We sit there for a few more songs until Tyler has to go get ready. I sit there and tap my foot to the beats of the songs and lip sync. Zack was standing next to me smiling.
"Happy?"
"Yep. Definitely."
I knew Zack was worried about me after the fans comments.

———

Brendon had just finished Nicotine and I was just getting ready to jam out to Hurricane when...
"So about 3 months ago, Sarah and I adopted a gorgeous girl called Anna. I introduced her to you guys today but some of you guys made her feel not very loved, why don't we bring her out here and give her some love?"
The entire arena cheered louder than ever and Zack nudged me on stage.
I shook my head, anxiety increasing.
"Come on you got this" Patrick whispered in my ear.

I walked up to Brendon shaking so much with my head and heart racing.
"Love you Anna!"
"Go Anna!" The crowd cheered.

I absolutely hated being on stage; thousands of people staring at me, it reminded me of being at school again in Australia. Even with the support of everyone, I wasn't imagining support, I was imagining school and I hated it I couldn't deal with it. I think Brendon pick up on my anxiety and quickly ended his speech.

I walked backstage and just crawled into a ball.

Josh's POV

Brendon called Anna on stage and I didn't think anything of it until she froze. I could see the panic freeze her body, like she had seen something that brought back bad memories. Brendon quickly ended his speech and she came back to us, and I knew she was having a panic attack. She crawled up in a ball in the corner.

"A? You ok?" Pete asked her. Her breathing increased and she started crying.
"E-e-every-one w-as st-taring at m-e"

Fall Out Boy and IDKHow had to join Panic! onstage so Tyler and I offered to take her to our dressing room. I picked her up and placed her on the couch and kneeled in front of her.

"Anna. Look at me," I tell her, "look at me"
She looks at me, fear in her eyes, "Breathe in for four and out for six. 1 2 3 4. 1 2 3 4 5 6. Yep good job you can do this. Nothing is going to hurt you." I kept doing that with her until her breathing relaxed.
"I-I'm so-rry" she shakes out.

"It's ok. It's not your fault" Tyler says while handing her a glass of water. She grabs it using a shaking hand.
"But it was. I-I cou-ldn't ev-en stand on s-stage"
"No. Panic attacks are never your fault." I comfort her.
Tyler sits next to her and she leans her head on his shoulder.

Open the slits in your face and start your day
You don't have much time to make your slits look just right

I'm in your mind
I'm singing
I'm in your mind
I'm singing
La da, la da, la da, la da, la da, la da

Look in the mirror and ask your soul if you're alright
Put out the glitter that your soul hides behind

You're in my mind
I'm singing
You're in my mind
I'm singing
La da, la da, la da, la da, la da, la da

Nowhere were they holy
Open up your eyes and see
The clouds above will hold you
The clouds above will sing

And in your mind
You're singing
La da, la da, la da, la da, la da, la da

Tyler softly sings, while brushing his fingers through her hair. She starts to fall asleep on his shoulder. I indicated that I'm going to find Brendon and walk out the door.

"Josh!"
I turn the corner and see Brendon and Pete.
"Is she ok?" Brendon worryingly asks.
"I'm not sure to be honest. She had a panic attack but I think it might of been more than stage fright"
"What do you mean?" Pete questions
"I don't know. I might be over reacting but it seemed more than just stage fright"
They both nod.
"Where is she?" Brendon asks.
"She's in our dressing room with Tyler. She's calmed down but when I was leaving she was about to fall asleep."

"I'm so stupid. I shouldn't of called her upstage. It's all my fault" he cries and slides down the wall.
"No Brendon. You couldn't of predicted this. You had no idea this would happen. Ok? Don't blame yourself" Pete tells him extremely firmly.
He nods and stands up. We walk to mine and Tyler's dressing room and open the door to see Anna asleep on the couch.

"She passed out not too long ago. Panic attacks wear you out" we all nod and Pete picks her up and carries her to the Panic! bus. Pete decides to stay on the Panic! bus and Tyler and I get on our own bus.

"I hope she's ok" I tell Tyler while getting into my bunk.
"Yeah. Me too."

He drifts off to sleep but I stay awake well into the night.

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