Under the Shadow of the Moon

Chapter 31

Luna held the ice in her palms, pressing her fingers around it until her nails cut into her skin. "Calm down..." she was muttering, rocking back and forth on her bed. "Calm down, Luna. Calm down... don't think about sharp things... just stop thinking... calm down, calm down..."

She stared down at the floor, her eyes blurring from her tears, the scissors laying at the center of her carpet where she had flung them. She stared at them now, the urge to pick them back up eating her away inside.

A knock at the door made her jump. She shuddered, squeezing the ice tighter.

"Luna? Luna, it's me. Your mom said you were up here, she said you wouldn't come down."

Luna didn't reply, just continued to stare at the floor.

Trae opened the door, a reluctance in his step. He froze, his jaw dropping open as his gaze shifted from her face to the ice to the scissors. "Luna, Luna... are you okay? What's wrong? Do you want to talk about it?"

She turned her head until she was looking up into his eyes. She nodded with a sob, dropping the ice cubes back to the puddle of water on her bed from her spilt glass.

He picked up the scissors as he walked towards her, setting them on her desk. He sat down beside her, putting an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into his chest. "What is it, Luna?"

"I just..." her voice shuddered. "I'm scared. I feel like something bad is going to happen, and that I won't be able to stop it. Or that I could stop it, but that I'll lose everything."

He held onto her shoulders when they started to shake. "It'll be okay, Luna, I promise. I'm always here for you and I'm always here to listen. Anything you need, anytime, just talk to me, please."

She nodded, another sob escaping her. "I just can't shake this feeling of impending doom. I just want it to go away..."

He hugged her closer. "I won't pretend to understand what you're going through right now, so just tell me how I can help you."

"You're already helping," her tone was softer now. "Just by being here."

He hugged her against his chest, sitting down beside her. He held her hands, linking their fingers together. "Then I won't leave your side. Not until you're all better."

She felt the corners of her lips lift, although she didn't feel like smiling.

☆★☆

"Luna, are you sure you're okay? You still seem a bit off..." Trae bit his nail as he studied her.

"I'm okay now, I promise." She wrapped her arm around his, resting her head against the side of the shoulder.

He looked away from her, his face burning. They started to walk back towards the group, Harper slipping out of the shadows to join them.

"So, you two finally got together," Harper teased, giving Trae a playful nudge. "It's about time."

Luna dropped his arm, stepping away and turning her back to him.

"Aw, piss off Harper," Trae said, crossing his arms and turning away from Luna.

Harper giggled in response. "I love a good love story."

"Shut up," Luna muttered, starting to walk up to the shopping center.

"So, what's on the agenda for the day, besides harassing each other," Colin cut in with an unamused look on his face.

"Good question," Luna said, turning to face them. "We could get ice cream then go down to the park," she suggested.

"Ooh, we haven't done that in a while," Lily replied.

"Sure, whatever you guys want," Trae said.

"Although," Harper said with a slight sing-song to her voice. "We haven't gone shopping together in a while either."

The boys groaned. "That's because that's so boring," Lloyd whined.

"And," Trae said, giving her a pointed gaze. "It'll make it much easier for you to get caught."

"Right," she said, looking down at her feet. She saw Sylvia standing a few feet away from the corner of her eye. "What about you Sylvia?" She asked, lifting her head. "What do you want to do?"

"I..." Sylvia stared at her. "I'll just follow whatever you guys choose I guess... I don't really know what you guys do when you hang out... together. I don't have any money anyways, so... um..." She trailed off, her mind blanking as the seven other faces stared at her.

Harper blinked, a smile breaking across her face. "I'll pay for anything you want."

Sylvia's pale face was dusted with pink. "Oh, um... really? I um, thanks," she looked away, staring at passing cars. "You don't have to do that for me."

Harper's smile widened. "Don't worry," she poked Sylvia's shoulder. "I'll make sure Trae pays for some of it too."

Trae scoffed. "You know you haven't changed at all. I haven't seen you in almost six years, and you haven't changed at all."

Harper giggled. "Whoops."

There were shouts behind them, a group of protesters rounding the corner. They were throwing bottles at a group of officers that were barreling through the crowd, and shoving signs in their faces. We want freedom, we want sun. Luna wanted to join them, wanted to fight for what her petition had sparked, but she knew better. If they defeated the White Sand, things would go back to normal.

They shuffled away quickly.

☆★☆

Luna held the ice cream cup in her hand, the cold feeling reminding her of the ice cubes from earlier.

She was sitting in the grass, watching Trae kick up his skateboard, riding it in a straight line across the small strip of sidewalk they were standing by. The others stood a few feet behind her, discussing whatever it was they were worried about. Watching Trae, she was trying to smile, but her lips wouldn't lift. She quickly flipped her gaze to her melted ice cream as he started to skate over to her.

"Are you okay?" He asked, his tone gentle. He stopped beside her, placing a hand on her shoulder.

She nodded, forcing her gaze away from him.

"Why didn't you tell me about the ice?"

Luna set down the cup and stared at her hands, the burns from the ice and the crescent marks on her palms like spilt red ink on a sheet of paper. "I just thought... that if I didn't say anything... that if I acted like it didn't matter... that it wouldn't."

"Luna..." he sighed, sitting down beside her. "Of course it matters. The way you're feeling—the way you're hurting—does matter. And I get it, sometimes you think physical pain will take away your emotional or mental pain, or help you forget something... but I wish you'd talk to me instead. I wish you wouldn't try to hide the marks on your palms of the cold burns... they're all from ice aren't they? I wish you'd talk to me about it."

She clenched her fists, tucking her hands closer to herself. "I'm so sorry..." her voice broke.

"You have no reason to be. Just promise me, if it ever gets worse, that you won't try to hide it and you'll let me help you. Promise me, Luna." His hazel-green eyes were wide and pleading.

"I-I promise. I swear."

He touched his nose to her cheek. "Thank you."

She stiffened, shifting her body ever so slightly away from him. He picked up on her discomfort and looked away from her. She shifted, setting her head on his shoulder. "Thanks for caring..."

"Always."