LONELY BALDIE ~ WHO WILL SAVE THIS LONELY BALDIE?

Modern Bathing Of The 21st Century

Somehow this is ranked 16 in the onepunchman category, so I now feel compelled to continue it. Thanks to your interest, I now have a plan for this story. Woohoo!

(ง'̀-'́)ง

Master Saitama, to my great surprise, lives in his very own house. You see, back in my day, people all built little shacks and shared them with many others until one of them got cholera and that was the end of that. Apparently, humans have invented their own medicines which actually work for a change, so I'm finding myself intrigued about many new things.

"So, you were able to aid fine warriors in battle? What were you able to do?" Genos questions me, as he has been doing so repeatedly. It's like ping-pong except never-ending. Saitama is ignoring us, I can tell that he's feeling hungry, which is odd. Does he not realise that his body does not require any sustenance? I don't think it's my place to tell him that, it might upset the guy.

"Yes, the healers are unable to fight. Healing injuries is our primary function in battle, we have restoration abilities for other damaged non-living items and have powerful shield magic. We also make sure that the fighters aren't traumatised or damaged mentally in any other way. Unfortunately, that's a frequent occurrence after a battle," I explain.

Genos nods enthusiastically. "I see," he says as we walk ( and float), "then you will be a massive help to the heroes nowadays, and the citizens injured by the monsters when they attack-"

"Of course," I say, frowning, "but the ones I follow are my priority." In the distance, I see the great city-Z I've been hearing about approaching. Blocks of grey concrete tower above the ground, their mighty structures seeming to scrape the skies. I strain my neck to take in every mile of civilisation. How far humans have come... It's extraordinary that somehow they can work together. I had deemed that impossible long ago.

Saitama overtakes us. "Come on, it's time for dinner," he says monotonously, narrowing his eyes as he passes me. "Is it going to follow us? Should I punch it?" I feel strangely irked. Usually, insolent people are easy to deal with; I simply reveal my power and intentions and they appreciate me, even call me a comrade, but this man is different. Master Saitama must be so egotistical that he cannot comprehend how I could possibly be of assistance to him. Or perhaps he's just stupid. Either way, for the sake of humanity I must protect Saitama's mind from evil! So I cannot be deterred. "Yes," I say firmly, "I am going to join you on your heroic adventures, whether you like it or not, baldy!"

Saitama stomps the rest of the way to his apartment as I drift behind Genos, in awe of the highly functional community around me. The hot robot warns his master to stop causing earthquakes; there are footprints in the concrete behind us.

The flat is extraordinary. I analyse everything and their functions, it almost overwhelms me, it's like a new world. Genos offers me tea, however, I have to decline. My digestive system is a mess. Anything other than salty water would cause me a considerable magnitude of pain, so I deconstruct myself and travel at light speed to the ocean where I drink some water to detoxify my body. It's disgusting. I travel back a little cleaner but a lot sicker. Ugh.

"Ah!" Master Saitama exclaims at my rapid cell reconstruction before his eyes. "Where did you go?" he looks utterly horrified at the prospect of... well, pretty much anything I do. I narrow my stinging eyes.

"Swimming," I choke.

"Drowning!" he corrects me.