Wanted

•Broken•

{•edited•}
~Bex's POV~

Waking up in the morning, the pain is there but not as unbearable as it was last night. Never had I faced such embarrassment the moment I saw that blood. As soon as I started to go down on Atticus I knew something wasn't right, but I thought it was only because of what happened; most of me still thinks that it is. I have bled since, so there's no chance of it being my period.
Looking at the clock that's on the nightstand it's already nine, way past the hour I was supposed to wake up at. I specifically remember setting the alarm on there and my phone; neither went off. Turning around the best I can without causing myself to pain, Atticus is laying on his back, doing something on his phone.
"Did you turn off the alarms?" I ask. He jumps, phone falling out of his hand. The towel that I wrapped myself in after I got out the bath is still wrapped securely around me, being far too lazy to take it off last night when I laid down.
"You scared the hell out of me," he says. I cock a brow, waiting for his answer. "Yeah, I did." There is no part of me that wants to go to class today, but I need to or needed to. "I know you take your studies seriously, which is good, but you need to put your health first. The last thing you did is to be walking around all day to your classes when you randomly started bleeding and get stomach pains all night. You'd probably fall asleep in there anyways. It's better for you to see a doctor today."
I wanted to be mad at him for doing that, thinking it would have better for him to ask me first, but his heart is in the right place. He just wants me to take care of myself, which I've been finding hard to do the past few weeks. I grab his phone and set it to my side, leaning over and kissing him. He smiles against my lips.
"Thank you," I tell him. He pulls me closer by my hand, my head resting against his hard shoulder. I've gotten used to the hard surface of him during the few months we've been together. It's not exactly comfortable, but it's him so I deal with it.
"Do you have a doctor here?" I shake my head, pecking his jaw with kisses. "Are you trying to change the subject?" I nod, continuing my affectionate actions. He turns his head to make me stop, eyes locking with mine; I swear I can get lost in his. His hand rests on the inside of my thigh, making slow strokes.
"I'll have to go back home to go to the doctor," I tell him. "Alaric can come with me."
"You know Alaric went on a date with my friend?" He asks. A wide smile grows on my face. Alaric never keeps things from me, until recently when he went out with someone and wouldn't tell me who it was. Part of me was too scared to hear the answer, so I just never brought it up again.
"The one from when he was shot?" He nods. "I'm proud." If there's anyone who deserves happiness it's Alaric. Growing up he wasn't a happy kid due to his depression and not having his actual dad had an effect on him. The only times he's considered dating were for quick flings, but the way he spoke of his date didn't sound the same.
"Are you mad at me for turning your alarms off?" I can't tell if the question is sarcastic or not. Usually, I would play the role of mad just to get a reaction, but I'm too tired and don't feel good enough for that.
"No, you're right, I need to start taking better care of myself. If I had gone today I probably would have passed out on the way to English," I say. He cocks a brow. "Okay, maybe I'm being a little dramatic."
•••••

"THAT'S A VAGINA?!" Alaric proclaims loudly, looking at the diagram picture. The two pictures show from the inside and outside, small descriptions for each part with arrows pointing around. They're much more realistic than they need to be. Why did it just so happen to be the one room we get placed in has a poster of the "vagina" diagram.
"Did you miss all the health classes we had to take?"
"N-no, they just didn't look like THAT!" He says, gesturing to it in horror. I've never met someone who is as immature as they are mature other than him. "Thank god, I'm gay. That doesn't look comfortable to...you know." He sounds absolutely disgusted, making me laugh.
"I wouldn't know if it's comfortable," I tell him, shaking my head. The sound of walking outside the closed door makes me worried my doctor will pop in during this conversation.
"You have a dick?" He asks, clearly not understanding what I'm trying to say. How did this boy manage to graduate?
"Yes, and it's bigger than yours." He scoffs laying back in the chair with his arms crossed. We've been waiting in here for longer than fifteen minutes waiting for my doctor to come in. Alaric agreed to come with me here after ten minutes of begging him to get out of bed. It was also very awkward to explain what happened to him for him to come.
"I can't believe you bled on his co-"
"Shut up, I know," I say, covering my face. My stomach hurts like a bitch, but not how it was last night or this morning, now it's just cause I haven't eaten anything since lunch yesterday.
The door swings open after a series of small knocks, my doctor coming. She doesn't wear a white coat like other doctors in the office, instead, she's more formal in a blue knee-length dress that looks like it's from Penny's.
    "Hello," She says cheerfully. I force a smile, Alaric waving like a little kid. I roll my eyes, sitting further back on the table. "Having seen you in a while," she says, trying to crack a joke.
   "Shouldn't that be a good thing?" Alaric asks.
  "Yes," she says, embarrassed that her joke didn't make the cut. I glare at him for a second before turning my attention back on her. "So what's your reason for visiting, today?" I go on explaining to her what happened last night, not mentioning what happened with Pablo.
     "It was like a twisting, stabbing pain," I decide. "Heat and pressure were the only things that really helped. I tried taking an Advil but it didn't do much. I woke up this morning and the pain was there, but not as bad."
    "And how do you feel right now?" Dead inside.
    "Fine," I answer. She nods, tapping her manicured nails on her clipboard. Alaric gets up, walking over to the diagram and squinting his eyes. She looks over at him but quickly looks away.
    "I want to run a test before anything. It's really quick and if it comes back positive we can rule out other possibilities. Have you ever had a pelvic exam done?" I shake my head, getting nervous just by her mentioning that. Alaric snickers in the corner, covering his mouth his hand. "Well depending on the results of this test, we might have to do one."
    "Okay," I say, trying to sound like that doesn't freak me the hell out. I don't want my doctor looking or touching down there! She stands up, shooting an awkward smile at Alaric.
    "I have a quick question," he says, stopping her from turning the doorknob. He points at a part of the diagram. "What is this thing's purpose?"
     ••••••
      
         "We've been here for two hours," I say, sitting up from the table. Alaric has been keeping himself entertained by going through all the drawers and playing with things that he shouldn't touch. It's like I brought a child with me, constantly having to tell him "not to touch that" and to "put that down." Every time he just ignores me and continues onto the next thing.
     "You have to be patient," he says. I lay back down, staring up at the ceiling lights. My phone vibrates in my front pocket. I dig it out and look at the message from Atticus.
     Atticus: They do anything yet?
     Me: Ran an Hcg Test
    The chances of him even knowing what that is are slim to none. I don't even know what it really is. I just gave her my arm and let her do her job without question. For all, I know she could have taken my blood for no reason.
    The door opens again, revealing my doctor. Alaric straightens up, slapping his hands on his lap. "Bout damn time you got in here. She was starting to get fussy," he jokes, making her laugh.
     "We got your results," she tells me, sitting down in her seat near the cabinets. "All the symptoms were there, but I just wanted to make sure because scaring you. We usually do an Hcg test in order to detect a miscarriage during the first few weeks of pregnancy. You results came back that you're Hcg levels weren't increasing appropriately, resulting in a miscarriage."
    Once she falls silent so does everything else seems to. Alaric doesn't even say anything. I couldn't have been pregnant. I've been on the shot, not even due for it again yet.
    "When are they supposed to increase?" I ask, trying to do the math in my head but not figuring it out.
    "The first two to three weeks." I let out a noise that sounds like the wind has been knocked out of me. The time doesn't add up for it to have been Atticus who got me pregnant. The thought of getting pregnant never crossed my mind due to birth control. Pablo hadn't used protection, I had just started my period, but I didn't think he had enough time to cum; boy was I wrong.
     "Wow," is all I manage to say. Alaric and I lock eyes, his shocked, but sympathetic. I just can't seem to catch a break lately. The fights with my dad, getting raped, killing Pablo, fighting with Atticus, now this.
     "Since it was so early on, I think this just happened naturally. Before you leave I want to refer you for an ultrasound just to make sure nothing is wrong." I nod, not able to find my voice.
     "Can we have a minute?" Alaric asks my doctor, standing up from the chair. She nods, forcing a smile at me before leaving. He makes sure the door is all the way closed before turning to me. "Did you know you were pregnant?"
    "No," I tell him, my voice cracking. I feel sick to my stomach. "I didn't think it was a possibility since I get the shot. I guess that's what I get for getting raped on my period, huh?" He shakes his head, jaw clenching.
    "That wasn't your fault."
    "I should have left, went outside where there were a lot of people. He couldn't have done anything to me there with all those people around, or I should have run to you. If I just been smarter, I wouldn't be here right now," I say. He doesn't say anything, probably knowing what I'm saying is true.
    I'm expecting a feeling of relief to hit me that I didn't get to carry this child full term, but it doesn't come. Just...sadness. It feels wrong to mourn something I didn't even know was there and that I know I wouldn't have been able to love it. It would have been a nightmare for me to go through that as a student and as someone who is just starting to mend things with my family. The last thing that would have needed to be added to the pot was a pregnancy, especially by me. Yet, I still feel disappointed and have the urge to try again.
     "You're one fucked up girl," he says, clapping a hand on my shoulder. "But I love you. This is a blessing in disguise."
   "I know."
    ••••••
     
         "I thought you were going back to the dorms after?" Atticus asks, closing the door behind me. After we got back into town I didn't want to go back to the dorms to have Marissa ask questions. I don't want to lie to her about everything yet, I do that too much already.
     "I decided not to," I answer. The difference in weather from outside and in here is insane. Taking off my jacket, I sit down on the couch. Atticus sits down next to me, resting his hand on my knee. For the past three hours, I've been blinking back tears, refusing to cry over something I should be happy about.
    "What's wrong?" He asks, noticing the tears in my eyes. I have to force myself not to look away from him. "What did they say at the doctors?" How concerned he sounds makes me lose it. He probably thinks I'm a psycho for crying so much. I shake my head, the words getting caught in my throat. "Communication, remember?"
     I nod, taking a long deep breath. Nothing could have prepared me for this conversation. Maybe I would feel more comfortable talking about if it has been between him and me, but it wasn't, and that makes me feel horrible.
     "The test they did was to detect early miscarriages," I start, looking up in an attempt to keep my tears in. His expression changes, brows pulling together. "It came back that I did have one. They think it was happened naturally because of how early it was."
    He shifts, straightening up. My eyes drop to the floor, wiping my tears away. His calloused hands run up and down his jeans anxiously, looking straight ahead without even a mumble. I don't know what to say or do at this point.
    "You're not mad are you?" I ask. His eyes fart to mine, suddenly looking mad.
   "Of course I'm not mad at you. You didn't mean for anything like this to happen and clearly you didn't know," he says. "W-wasn't mine?" He asks after a short pause. I shake my head, looking at my hands.
     "The timing doesn't match up for it to have been yours," I tell him. He nods, not saying anything else. I work in catching my breath and stopping my tears, but it's useless. I'm a complete fucking mess. They might as well lock me up in a psych ward now before I eventually snap. Even I know I'm slowly getting to that point. "Shouldn't I be happy?" I ask, completely baffled by myself and the way I'm feeling.
    At this point, he probably just about had it with my shit. I'm positive none of his past ex's was this fucked up, biologically and personally. "I mean, I wouldn't want that; why would I? I'm only eighteen, a freshman in college, in a new relationship, and it would have been my rapist's baby. Why the hell do I feel so damn sad over this?" 
    "I'm sure what you're feeling is completely normal. You're shocked and you're probably scared. I think if you didn't care I'd be concerned." I shake my head, covering my tear-soaked face in my hands.
    "I'm so tired," I cry, my words muffled. He scoots closer to me, running his hand up and down my back. It's a relaxing gesture, but not enough to take this pain away. "I hate myself so much. I'm such a fuck up. My dad and I couldn't even hold a friendly conversation up until two weeks ago. I've been abused more times than I like to admit. My whole life has been nothing but pain and lonely. I'm so tired and done with it."
      •••••
                         ~Atticus's POV~
       
      Everything in me wants to take her pain away, emotional and physical. She's been crying constantly the past three weeks, probably has hardly gotten a full nights sleep. It surprises me when she wraps her arms around me, resting her head on my shoulder. The sounds of her sniffling every few seconds in an attempt not to cry distract me from the TV but I could care less.
     The things she said makes me worry for her wellbeing against her own self. I'm not entirely worried about her becoming suicidal, but the fact that I think it has the ability to get to that point doesn't sit well with me. I can protect her from most things hurting her, but not from herself. I don't know what goes on in her head, she made that clear when she blurted out all that was going on in there.
      "I'm sorry, I'm such a mess," she says. Her eyes are brighter against the whites of her eyes that are now stained red from crying. "You're probably ready to throw me out and move to the next one, huh?"
    "No," I tell her, brushing her hair out of the way. "If I'm being honest I don't think there's gonna be a next one for me."
    "Because I've scarred you from trying again?"
    "No, because I love you...and a little bit of that." You would think after all this shit happening in the short time we've been together that I would have left already, but I can't. She's become more important to me than I thought she would; more than I wanted her to. That little date was supposed to be only for information. The first night we spent together was meant to just be a night that would mean nothing, but ended up meaning everything to the both of us.
      Never have I wanted to protect someone so much from everything, even their own selves. I've been in relationships much longer than this one and I didn't feel as strongly for them as I do her. I know I'd do anything to keep her happy after all the hell she's been through.

    AN: If the ending is shit I apologize😂 Sorry for the update coming later in the day this time. I really hope you guys enjoyed!
    Question: What do you think about what happened?