Wanted

•Communication•

{•Unedited•}
~Bex's POV~

On the way to Atticus's, I couldn't help but let myself into my thoughts. Now being alone, I'll admit that what Atticus said earlier hurt me despite how I reacted. It comes naturally to me to be able to act like I don't care, but I really do.
I didn't want to kiss Zav, it just happened, and I pushed him away. With him and I it's only comfortability, understanding each other as friends. There isn't a part of my brain that thinks I would be better off with him than I would Atticus. He just makes things more difficult than they should be.
By the time I pull into a parking spot at the complex there are tears stinging in my eyes, but I blink them away. I'm tired of crying; at this point, I'm surprised I haven't died from doing it so much. I grab my bag from the passenger seat and get out, locking the door behind me.
The air is cold, but I'm getting more used to it the longer fall goes on. This is usually my favorite time of the year, and would still be if I haven't of had to go through so much shit recently. Knocking on the door, I'm half expecting him not to answer. He was mad earlier, for no reason at all, and probably still is.
When it opens, the expression he wears is similar to the one he wore earlier. I push pass him, not saying anything in an attempt to not fight the moment I step inside. He closes the door, the lock clicking. I set my bag on the couch, turning towards him.
My arms cross over my chest, awkward silence in the air. He walks over to the counter, grabbing the half drunken water bottle. One of us going to have to talk first, and I refuse to let it be me, but at the same time, I'm not good with silence.
When I realize he's going to to talk anytime soon I grab my bag again and head to the room. He doesn't follow after me, just stays leaning against the counter with his eyes fixed in the floor. I close the door so I can get dressed, quickly pulling out the pajamas I bought a few days ago.
The door opens just as I lifting my shirt from my body. He doesn't say anything or look my way as he walks to the bathroom. He can't seriously still be mad at me for something that's not my fault. It was him who said I needed to communicate.

I put on my sleep attire, finding it a lot more comfortable than I was expecting. The silly material feels good against my skin, the bralette not doing much to hide my nipples that are hard from the cold. The sound of water running in the sink catches my attention.
I lay down, my legs dangling off the edge of the bed. When Atticus walks back, he stops, looking down at me with wide eyes. "What are you wearing?"
"Is that really the first thing you're gonna say to me?" He sighs, trying to walk out the room. I shoot ip and grab his wrist before he open leave the room. "We have to talk about things."
"There's nothing to talk about. I'm surprised you came here and not to your other boyfriends." You've got to be kidding me. I let go of his wrist, my arms falling limp at my sides.
"I already told you it didn't mean anything," I say sadly, trying to hide my hurt. His stare stays hard and emotionless. "Shouldn't you be happy that I told you what happened?"
"Yeah, but that's not even the point. What I'm mad about is the fact that you didn't listen to me. I've told you I don't like you hanging out with him; he's not a good person. He's killed peop-"
"So have I. Does that make me a bad person too?" My voice cracks when I speak. He looks down, releasing a deep breath. His shoulders visibly relax. "Can you please just talk to me without making me feel like shit?"
"I'm-I'm not meaning to, I promise," he says after a long pause. Grabbing his hand, I pull him to the living room. He looks at me in confusion when I open the door and sit on the small step.
"I wanna be honest with you, but you're gonna have to let me without saying anything," I tell him. He sits down next to me, him being close warming me just a little from his body heat. I keep my eyes fixed on the sky, counting the stars to try and calm my nerves.
"I promise to only listen," he says. Let's see how long that lasts.
"I don't want you to think I'm being a bitch, which I am half the time, but not right now. Earlier you made me feel like shit," I start. I didn't realize how terrible I felt until I was on my way back here, and the reason we're arguing isn't even my fault. "I was only telling you so we could avoid problems. I have no romantic feelings for Zavian, just you. I'm more loyal to people than I should be, I'm sure one day it'll get me killed. The thing is though that you made be feel like shit for communicating. You can't keep doing that to me.
It hurts really bad, and I'm not sure if that's because is you doing it, or because I'm used to people not giving a shit. I'm scared, really scared, that you aren't different from anyone else. I can handle a lot, I've been through hell. Growing up I didn't feel like I was wanted, which made me feel like I wasn't deserving of love. But that also helped me gain a hard exterior to protect myself, and with you it goes away more than I'm comfortable with. I'm scared of the fact that you have the ability to hurt me more than anyone else."
    The way he looks at me makes me feel all too vulnerable, but he has to know he has me in the palm of his hand and every time he closes it I crack. I feel like crawling into a ball and hiding myself like a turtle.
     "I'm sorry for how I've been; you're right. I was stressed today and took it out on you, you didn't nothing wrong," he says, sounding sincere. A car driving up makes me stand, offering me his hand. "I don't want you out here in...that." Smiling, I take his hand, pulling myself up.
    He closes the door behind us, locking it before coming over to the couch. He grabs my legs and throws them over his lap. "I know you don't like me hanging out with Zav, and I'm not sure if I even will after what happened, but you have to understand that him and I are friends."
    He nods his head slowly, thinking about something. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, batting my lashes. "That's not gonna make me okay with you hanging out with him. Especially now," he says.
    "Don't be grumpy."
   "I'm not grumpy."
   "You say that so much you might as well put it on a shirt."

    AN: I thought it was time for a calm, low key, nothing terrible happens to Bex chapter 😂😂 I do, however, think that this very boring and I apologize for that, I blame my pain 🤪 I really hope you guys enjoyed!
    Question: Do you like Atticus better for Bex than Zav?