The never ending kind

33- There

I'm sure that getting the NG tube put in was worse than getting it taken out but, since I have no frame of reference seeing as I was passed out at the time, getting it taken out was the shits, "G-pu-gh."

"Didn't I tell you to stop talking until I finish getting this thing out?"

I tried glaring at this horrible excuse for a doctor, but only gagged again as I watched the tube exiting my face. Just how far down do these things go?!

"And done," She passed me a wad of tissues by shoving them in my face, trashing the tubing and disposable items before a nameless assistant took the reusable equipment out of the room. "Don't forget to follow the orders I gave you, or it won't be just an NG tube I'll be using next time."

I shuddered as the door slammed shut. She had come at the ass crack of dawn, grouching and moaning about having to deal with this. I suppose, considering the fact that she was the one in control of my health, I shouldn't have made any snarky responses, but I really wasn't a morning person. 

At least, I wasn't a morning person when I didn't have work. I blinked away, or tried to, the thoughts regarding my job. It wasn't a really good job since doing doubles weren't unusual and there was a minimum amount of overtime one needed to have, but the pay was good enough to live off of... Barely. I was supremely grateful for the free meals and snacks, though. 

I tried not to think of the people I didn't get to say goodbye to; the people that probably had already passed from age or illness. It was a Palliative and Hospice Care Facility, after all. In addition to having a CNA license, I had needed to obtain my Acute Care certificate as well to work there. It was only supposed to be a stepping stone to a hospital position after gaining two years of experience.

But that was now all gone.

I put my arm over my eyes, not ready to greet the barely-there day. It's hard to do so when a vixen doctor in red heels decides to turn on the lights and open the drapes, though... And the bed was too comfortable to slink out of.

"Speaking of..." I sipped a warm glass of water left over from last night. "Thinking of, I see no hide nor hair of Mr. Alpha."

I didn't want to, but I removed the arm shading my eyes to look at the clock. Of course, it read 7:20 A-fricking-M. I couldn't help cussing a few choice words at that vindictive doctor... That I will probably end up working under in the near future, "Eff my Ell."

"Off- what?"

"Oh, there you are. I was wondering when you'd show up."

Alpha Darien rolled his eyes, hands carrying a full tray, "I was doing my usual routine, Drey. You know that my life revolves around this pack, not just you."

"Ouch, you burned me," I joked, trying to ignore the small pain in my chest. "Then why do you have to keep bothering with me? Just give me Netflix and a fridge full of food, and I'll be good for as long as the fridge stays stocked. Bam, out of your hair."

I got off the bed, heading for the bathroom, "Where are you going, Drey? I brought breakfast."

" Bathroom. Just leave it, you don't have to do such unnecessary things," I closed the door, the lock clicking just as he neared the door and knocked. "Can you leave me be? I'm trying to pee before I shower, unless you want me to accidentally pee in the shower?"

There was grumbling heard on the other side, "Fine, just eat it when you get out, then. Use your cell to text me when you're finished."

My hands tightened until bloodless on the granite counter as I stared at my immature face in the mirror, "Got it."

I heard him huff before rummaging in his closet then closing the door with a beep as it automatically locked behind him. Did I forget to mention that his room has an electronic lock? And I found out last night that in one of the cabinets hid a mini fridge? He also had a small assortment of snacks above it, but I guess that was only to keep him from going all the way back down to the ground floor for something simple like a bottled water.

I shifted my face around, looking at what was supposed to be me. So much had happened, and I had mostly just... Not looked in the mirror much after; avoided it. I felt disgusting, and not just physically. 

My hair was a light bronze now, my old color completely gone and the length passing my ears. The three beauty marks- My skin was about the same color, but upon closer examination, the scars I previously had were almost invisible along with the light freckle-like beauty mark on the upper left side of my nose, small light one on my upper lip in the crease and the one on my clavicle near the dip in the center that led up to the column of my throat. Those marks looked washed out; faded just like the scars. 

I pulled off my shirt and looked at my back in the mirror, finding my past almost completely erased from my body, "Good or bad, good or bad. Either way, it's still up there." I poked my head as I turned around once more.

"But what I really can't stand, is you," I looked at what had been the main point to me, the one thing that I could always see as myself. Whose eyes were these now? The center was was a light yellow, fading to a hazel with blue around the very edges, "Pretty eyes, but you aren't mine."

I turned away, unable to look anymore for a me that was slowly being overwritten... The colors running like watercolors in water, pulled slowly down the drain. I turned on the shower but, while the inkling was there, I didn't get in until I properly peed in the toilet.

Shampoo, soap, suds... Down the drain I go. Washing away some more of me, probably. 

When I got out in a towel quite larger than myself, the food was cold and coagulated. After dressing, I still swallowed it down, "Get well first, then..." Then find my own niche to hide away in, because these weren't my people. It's obvious that I would never truly be one of them, yet they would never let me go since I wasn't human anymore and didn't belong there either. If I was being honest, I've never really belonged anywhere in the world, I was just... There.