fake | tratie | EDITING |

| iii. bad relations |

edited : 1 . 8 . 22

original word count : 1405

new word count : 1468

. . .

A migraine beat my head to a pulp when I woke up the next morning. Dried sweat was plastered across my forehead, the image of Ashley and Travis in the Hermes cabin was burned into my dreams last night, and I couldn't stamp it out. It still bugged me that I was even bothered by Ashley's claims in the first place, but I rolled out of bed and tried to forget about it.

The cabin was empty, meaning Miranda had let me sleep in. The clock on the wall read half past noon.

Oops.

Entering the bathroom, tear stains greeted the reflection of my face. I quivered when I realized I'd been crying in my sleep, either out of frustration or pain from the headache. Waving it away as best I could, I hopped into the shower and got the water as hot as I could manage. I thought the steam and heat might have relieved my head and clear my mind.

It didn't, of course.

I took extra time washing my hair, figuring I'd missed breakfast and lunch by then anyways. I scrubbed my face and body, letting the near-boiling water wash over me and leave my skin tinted pink. My towel was rough, but I didn't mind the scratchy fabric because it gave me something to ground myself with. My mind was so scrambled, I could barely tie my shoes after I'd gotten dressed.

Not feeling like leaving the cabin just yet, I stalled by putting my hair into my everyday braids and throwing on some makeup. I spent longer than normal doing my eyeliner - I had to leave sometime, but I wanted to stay away from people as long as possible.

The mirror stared back at me for a good five minutes while I inspected a wrinkle on my camp shirt. I looked the same as always, except there was a certain numbness in my eyes. I dabbed a bit more concealer under my eyes in an attempt to cover the dark circles before I built up the courage the face the day.

I sneaked to the pavilion, where everyone had just left lunch. Luckily, I was able to get a cup of coffee, which I poured and drank black and piping hot. I was grateful to be the only one in the pavilion, because nobody was there to watch me sit on a bench and faceplant into the Demeter table, closing my eyes and listening to the silence.

Soon enough, though, my quiet was disturbed by a shuffling sound. I looked up to see Calypso sliding into the bench across from me.

"Hello."

Calypso and I weren't what you'd quite call friends; we were more like therapist buddies. Whenever she needed to vent about something stupid Leo did, I was there to listen. If I was upset about a prank Travis pulled, she was there for me. It was a mutual talk-listen relationship, and the best part was that we weren't emotionally attached to any of it. It didn't matter what he told each other because the other person wouldn't care enough to spread rumors or gossip about it. It was one of my favorite bonds I had at camp.

"Hey, Cal."

She tilted her head to the side. "Need to talk?"

I needed no further invitation before I spilled more about myself than I'd ever shared with her.

Starting with my family, I explained to her how they'd been on my back about getting a relationship since I got into high school. It started with innocent questions about boys at school, but it quickly evolved into making blows to me as a person. They'd tell me I wasn't pretty enough for a boy to notice me, they'd tell me I wasn't smart enough to stand out, they'd tell me I wasn't good enough at carrying a conversation to even hope to have a successful date. It went so far that they pushed me to be with guys I wasn't even interested in.

It got to where I would put myself into emotionally draining flings just because I thought I needed to have someone. They'd never last long enough to be considered true relationships, but they always left scars that took forever to heal.

Family reunions became a thing I dreaded with my very soul. It was just another time for my relatives to take blows on my self-esteem and make me feel worse about myself. I started believing the things they told me, and shortly after that I was diagnosed with anxiety. I'd have a panic attack every year on the way to my reunion, without fail.

But then this year happened.

I told Calypso I didn't remember telling Travis about my family, but he somehow found out about the reunion and offered to go with me, to stage a fake relationship. He'd pretended to be my boyfriend, and I'd been able to have a less strained family gathering. It was really nice, not having to worry about what they'd say for yet another year, and it was all fine.

Until he kissed me.

That was really what threw me for a loop. Why would he have kissed me? He didn't need to prove anything, and no one was paying attention when it happened, so it wasn't for show. He'd apologized, but I didn't mind. Which was weird. It confused me more than ever when he held my hand the whole way back to camp and pretended like it wasn't a big deal.

"...and then he told me that we should fake date more often," I wrapped up, thankful that Cal had a thoughtful look on her face rather than a bored one.

"That's interesting." She tapped her chin. "And has he expressed anything since?"

"I just... I don't know. He's always acted like this. Ashley told me to back off because he's hers or something, but I shouldn't have to back off because I shouldn't be interested in the first place. I hate him. He hates me. I think." I rubbed my temple, my headache still burning into my skull. "Ugh, I just don't know. We're supposed to be enemies. Why'd he kiss me? He hates my guts."

She shook her head, a vacant smile on her face. "I've seen how he looks at you. It isn't hate in his eyes."

"I'm not sure-"

"If he hates anything about you, Katie, it's that you aren't with him."

And she stood up and walked away.

That was always the extent of our conversations: she never comforted, I never wanted comfort. I just wanted to get things off my chest, and she was happy to lend an ear. Once I was done, she was done. It never got overly emotional, it was just enough to talk.

But she couldn't have meant what she said, could she?

No, definitely not.

I eventually made my way to the strawberry fields, where the rest of my siblings were tending to the plants. They all greeted me with sardonic remarks. "Nice to see you're alive," "how was the nap, Sleeping Beauty?" and "well if it isn't Miss Punctual". I smiled halfheartedly and grabbed a trowel, waving them away. Miranda crouched next to me and inspected the strawberry plant one over from mine.

"How are you feeling?"

I figured she knew the answer, but I was grateful she asked regardless. "Not great. I just rehashed a lot with Calypso. It made me feel a little better, but now I'm just thinking about it all again."

She sighed. "I'm sorry your mortal family sucks. They honestly need to get a life outside of your personal business."

Although I agreed, it would never happen. I was doomed to a life of nosy family members. "I'm just happy I have you guys. It's good to have a family who cares about you."

"Yeah, I get that. It would be nice to have your other family on your side, though."

Yup, sure would be.

I'd decided by the end of the day that I wasn't upset about Travis or the whole Ashley thing. I was, however, upset that my family were so bad that I was upset in the first place. It wasn't his fault that my family was pushy about my love life, or that he was apparently a dreamboat that girls couldn't keep their hands off of. I just needed a fake boyfriend for one day, and he shouldn't have been obligated to follow up on me since he hated me. I hated him, too, after all. He could do whatever he wanted, I didn't care.

It wasn't like he lead me on or anything. I wouldn't have cared if he did.

I didn't care.

I didn't.

If I kept telling myself that, it would be true.

Please be true.