fake | tratie | EDITING |

| fourteen |

warning: angst lol

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I think I'm in love with you, Katie.

No, no no no. This couldn't be happening.

For the second time that night, my head went light and my heart raced. Pain jabbed at my chest, making me feel like I couldn't breathe. I fell into the void of my head, reaching for anything to pull me back out. All I could focus on was how sweaty my palms were, and how my mouth went dry.

"...What?"

Travis smacked a hand over his mouth. "Did I just say that out loud?"

I scrambled for any kind of logic in the moment. 

There was none.

"Wait, wait, lemme start that over again." His deep blue eyes scored over the situation and his hands jumped off me. 

No.

Instant regret flooded his face as I spaced out. "Katie, just let me explain-"

"No, I need to make sure I heard what you said. I think I just blacked out."

Travis bit his lip before swallowing thickly. "I said, I think I like you."

I shook my head. "No, you said you loved me. Like and love are two very different things, Travis."

Without waiting to hear what he had to say next, I stood up and walked to the ladder of the cabin's rooftop. My hands shook trying to grab the rungs, but Travis was quick to follow so I scurried down the ladder before he could catch me.

In a couple of bounds, Travis had jumped down the ladder and grabbed my arm. "Say something, Kates."

I couldn't.

Nothing was processing.

"I shouldn't have said that," he started, but I cut him off.

"Yeah, you shouldn't have. My fake boyfriend just said he loved me, how do you think I feel?!"

"I mean, that's kinda what I wanna know." The tiny smirk on his face disappeared the moment he saw that I wasn't smiling. "Woah, hang on. Are you mad?"

I couldn't believe it. "Um, yes? Very much so?"

I didn't know why I was mad, though. I just knew I should be.

"Listen, I thought things were going well." His expression was that of agony. "I dunno, I thought maybe you felt the same way."

I froze. He couldn't be for real. I couldn't think through everything while he was there, waiting for a reaction.

My anxiety projected a horrible thought into my head: campers jumping out from every corner, laughing and pointing at me. Travis joining in, saying it was a prank. Me, feeling miserable and stupid for letting on that I had any sort of feeling for Travis. I couldn't take the risk to talk about it with him. It had to be a prank. What else was he good at?

Besides making girls fall hopelessly for him.

Another scenario flooded my brain. 

That's it!

My faith that this could've been anything more fled as I jabbed a finger at his chest. "How could I have missed it? Of course you're just saying all that so you can play me."

He furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head. "Kates, I'd never do that."

"You're the biggest player at camp. You've done it to plenty of girls before. What makes me any different?"

He put a hand on my arm gingerly, and I didn't move.

"Katie."

Nope.

I barely grasped his saddened expression when I yanked away from him, but he didn't try to grab me again. I couldn't let this happen. "I'm done. Whatever this... thing was that we had going. It's over. I'm done."

Travis' voice sounded vacant and far away when he spoke, and the sound of my heartbeat flooded my ears. I couldn't make out anything he was saying, but it looked like he was trying to get me to stay. I only caught the end of his sentence.

"-I thought you trusted me by now."

That wasn't going to happen.

I couldn't deal with this.

I grew lightheaded and my vision blurred. I had to get out of there. Before Travis could reach out again, I stormed away from him and ran to my cabin. Too much, too fast.

"Katie?" Miranda poked her head out of the counselor's room and observed me. 

Natalie's head appeared, too. "We were waiting for you to come ba- hey, are you okay?"

I kept my back to the door, hovering my hand over my mouth. They tiptoed over to me, careful not to wake up the rest of the cabin, and lead me back to our room. After closing the door, they knowingly opened their arms to me.

I collapsed into them and onto my bed, and everything burst out.

Sobs wracked my body as Miranda and Natalie held me. Their calm words disappeared into a whirlwind of hyperventilation and mania. The panic that had been suffocating me poured out. 

If they thought I was pathetic or dumb, they didn't tell me. Instead, they whispered comforting things to me and hugged me tighter. 

My wailing turned into whimpering, and my dizzied head slowed itself. My panic attacks never lasted terribly long, but they never failed to drain me.

My heart wrenched as I heaved dry tears. I'd emptied myself out, I was done. 

I was done.

"If you want to talk it out, we're here for you." Natalie held my hand and squeezed it.

I sniffled. "Thank... thanks. But I think, I think I need some sleep."

She nodded and gave me one last hug before getting on her feet. "I'll let you do that, then. Don't feel pressured to do anything tomorrow, Miranda and I'll make sure to get you some food. You just need some rest."

After Natalie left, Miranda got up and sat in her bed. "I'm gonna kill him."

I shook my head violently. "No, no... I just need to figure this out. I think... I messed up. I messed up bad."

She squinted. "He's an idiot. Don't let him get to you. We all care so much about you and we don't want to see you hurt. Especially by the likes of a Stoll."

Though I agreed aloud, the innermost part of me wondered how I should've handled the situation. I turned in my bed and tried to sort myself out, which proved to be easier said than done.

I didn't even know how I felt about him, why had I been so harsh? I had enjoyed fake dating him, and he handed me his emotions only for me to crush them. I ruined it all. I couldn't find it in myself to hate him, even though we were supposed to be enemies. It was all too easy to fall for him. I didn't care if he'd been playing me, I liked him.

The realization hit me like a ton of bricks.

I liked Travis Stoll.

How could I have been so stupid? I should've reciprocated while I had the chance. Now, he probably never wanted to talk to me again.

How could I dig myself out of this one?

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Sorry you waited this long just for some angst, but I couldn't make it that easy for them to get together! No, you'll have to wait for that. 

Also, I apologize for the short chapter - I suck at writing angsty stuff.