My Mate Changed Me.

Chapter Twenty-One: Forever Goodbye

        Jake and Cynthia haven't said a word to me. It's been a week since Jem and I were found at that small stone building in the middle of the field and not one word has been spoken to me. I know they some what balmed me and I understood why. I was supposed to be able to portect him and I couldn't. I blamed myself more than anyone knows. Jem has tried comforting me but I've isolated myself and he's given me my space but today was the day of the funeral and I had to face the music.

        "I'll be right there with you the entire time." Jem said walking up behind me as I stared at myself in the mirror. I was wearing a simple balck dress and simple black heels. My hair was straightened to one side, covering my scar from the car accident but revealing the nasty marks drawn down the left side of my face. They were healing faster every day but they were definitley still noticable.

        "They still haven't found Christian?" I asked instead of igknowledging his comment. He sighed.

        "No, it's like he dissapeared." Jem said but he refused to meet my questioning gaze through the mirror. "But you shouldn't worry about that today." He whispered, setting his hands on my shoulders. They relaxed a bit more and I hummed.

        "I can't do this." I said and he set his chin on my bare shoulder.

        "No one blames you." Jem said and I looked at him through the mirror and this time he met my gaze head on. My eyes filled with tears.

        "They still haven't spoken to me." I said and he nodded sadly against my skin.

        "They need time Celine." Jem said, his lips grazing my mark. I know hewas trying to get my mind off of it but I wasn't in the mood. I turned to face him and he straightened.

        "I should have done more." I said and he sighed before wrapping his arms around me. A knock at my door broke us apart and we faced the door. "Come in." I said weakly and the door slowly opened. Cynthia walked in, her head was down and mascara was running down her face. "Cynthia." I practically whimpered and ran to her. She caught me in an embrace and I held her close.

        "I'm so sorry."She said and looked into my eyes, hers were blood shot and puffy. "I know we've been distant...I can't imagine what you had to got through." She said and my head shook. "We don't blame you Celine...it's just hard...but we want you to know we are here for you." She said and as she began speaking of 'we' Jake walked through the door and his arms wrapped around me. I hugged him close and felt Jem just behind me.

        "Are you ready?" Jake asked me as I nuzzled into his chest, making sure not get his dress shirt dirty with my make-up. jem's hands went to my hips and I withdrew from Jake. I hadn't realized how uncomfortable Jem was until my back pressed against his heaving chest.

        "I'm ready." I said and everyone nodded before Jake and Cynthia left the room. "Sorry." I muttered to Jem and he rested aainst me. His lips were at the bottom of my ear, he kissed the skin gently.

        "let's go." He said in a whisper and I had a feeling it was for the best that we weren't left alone in the room. 

        We walked down stairs and Jake and Cynthia were waiting for us by the front door. They gave us sad smiles as we walked passed them. I went to Jem's car and Cynthia followed close behind me. Heading to Jake's truck. Jem and Jake stayed back a bit and were talking in hushed whispers. Every so often Jem would lok up at me and smile then go back to talking. I waited by the car patiently until they were finished. Jake and Cynthia went to their truck and drove away. Jem opened my door for me and I got in then he did the same. Soon we were on our way to the funeral.

        "Jem." I said quietly and his hand reached out and took my own to let me know he was listening. "What were the two of you talking about?" I asked and he ran his thumb over my knuckles.

        "Just figuring out some of the small details about the funeral. I figured you were listening." he said and I could have been. My hearing was a lot more sensitive than any other wolf's but I had given them their privacy.

 The rest of the ride was silent. Every so often Jem would take my hand and lift it to his lips, place a small kiss in the center then put back on his leg. When we reached the cemitary everyone was there already. Our whole pack was waiting for us and as we got out of the car, their eyes never left us. They were watching for my reaction. They hadn't seen me since I broke down in that feild, and they wanted to see how I was but I wasn't liking the stares.

        "Don't worry, they are just curious as to how you're doing, is all" Jem whispered as he wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him. 

        The cerimony began inside and I sat there staring at the casket. This would be the second time I've had to bury a sibling. The pain that was embedded in my chets was throbbing and I gasped from it. Jem rubbed small cirlces on my back but it didn't ease the realization that Chase was gone and this was goodbye forever.

        My vision blurred as my eyes filled with tears. Next to me Cynthia clenched my hand in hers as a sob raked through her body. I fought hard to keep a stern face as several of my pack members stole glances my way. I swallowed but there was a lump in my throat that had me choking. Cynthia sobbed harder as I broke down. She began hyperventilating and I rose from my seat. Jake and Jem did the same.

        "I'll take her outside, we can both use the fresh air." I said and they nodded understandingkly before sitting back down and allowing us to leave.

        "Thank you." She said when the fresh air hit our faces and the door shut behind us. "I just...I miss him so terribly." She said ending on a sob and I caught my breath.

        "I'm so sorry Cynthia. I wish...I wish there was something I could do or say even but...there's not." I said and she nodded.

        "I understand. Like I said earlier, we have no idea what you went through or what kind of pressure you were under." She said and I thought back only to be slapped with the remembrance that I had lost my cool and Chase paid the price. Had I remained calm he could still be alive today, I'm sure of it.

        "No...I suppose no one knows what I went through..." I said and she looked at me. I wiped her tears away but new ones replaced them. I sighed and my head fell. "I can only imagine what the pack thinks of me." I added and she shook her head.

        "They think highly of you." Cynthia said and I scoffed then froze as her fingers traced the three marks on my face. Her fingers were cold and fragile but I let them roam the marks freely. "You took down the vampire." She said with pride in her voice.

        "That doesn't matter." I said honestly. "I couldn't save him." I said, my voice breaking on the end. "You know the last thing I saw before she took his life...was his smile. He smiled at me...and I couldn't save him." I cried and she hugged me from the side.

        "He knew what had to be done. I don't like it...I hate it." She corrected herself. "But the fact of the matter is, you already got revenge for his death." She said. "I know it may not feel that way, but you killed his murderer, and that is important, whether you see it that way or not." Cynthia said and we wiped our facing clean before heading back into the building holding hands. 

        Jem and Jake looked up along with plenty of others as we entered through the double doors. We held our heads high and tightened our fingers around each others just as the words left the speaker mouth. Signaling that it was time to take Chase's body to his final resting place. I felt Cynthia tense and I gave her a reassuring squeeze as Jem and Jake stood up to walk with us to the burial ground. We xited the building again and Jem took hold of my other hand as Jake took hold of Cynthia's. We went our seperate ways as Jem pulled me aside.

        "Is everything okay?" He asked then nearly slapped himself. "That's not what I meant-" I cut him off by placing a small his on the corner of his mouth.

        "Everything is fine." I said and he sighed with a nod before we made our way toward Cynthia and Jake.

        No, everything wasn't fine, and we both knew that. I couldn't be at ease until we found Christian and made him pay for helping the vampire in her devious plans. But for now we had each other and I was fine with that.