Rose & Her Mate

Chapter-5

Rose p.o.v-

As expected of New Year's morning, we were busy as soon as we turned the sigh to open. I was thankful for this extra load of work as it kept me occupied and would not let my mind wander to serious zone. I was happy seeing so many faces radiating with joy. This was the prime reason I started working here. Seeing people smiling and laughing it soothes my nerves and gives me a sense of accomplishment. I feel relaxed when I saw people enjoy the fruit of my sweat and blood. Especially when I see little kids giggling with elation after tasting the goodies they like. It fills me up with energy and I feel that I am doing something right. It helps me sleep better in those nights where I often turn and twist and seem to hate the existence of my very being. I know it is not right to think that way and keep blaming myself for something that was out of my control.

But it is very hard to keep my darker thoughts in check. It comes very easy the self loathing and dirty words of abuse. This cycle of mindless thoughts that creep up on me at night starts very simple with harmless taunts and then takes the shape of more cruel words and the harshness keeps on increasing till I lost myself in them. These malicious accusations are self made and it tears right through my poorly guarded spirit. My hardly there defense crumbles like withered petals as mighty wind of self derailment flow. It keeps resonating in my mind and I try very hard... honestly I try to keep these thoughts at bay but sometime it slip right through those cracks that will always be there. And I am transported back to those nightmares that I wish to exist in stories only.

In those nights I lay in my bed and these memories are my only solace. I open them one at a time and slowly but surely I come back. It has become addictive but I do not mind this sort of addiction. At least it helps me to carry on, to continue to move ahead. So I like what I do and try to appreciate every moment of it.

Last night's dream... I knew it was a nightmare. I was trapped in it, helpless and I could do nothing but endure it. But it never ended like that. I felt his arms around me as if they will protect me from every evil of this world and the surprising thing is that I believed. I still believe that he will protect me. I can still feel his embrace; its warmth still lingers on my arms. And he knew my name. The way he said it with so much familiarity, I know in my heart that we had met before. But why did not he answer me. Why he did not say anything to me or ask anything from me.

'Hmmm... Rose is lost in thoughts again and by the look of it she must be thinking about that handsome guy from yesterday.' I heard Becca saying something and nodded my head without contemplating her words.

'Oh! Handsome lord, do come again my friend here misses thy presence immensely.' I nodded again completely ignoring her words just going with the motion of things.

She once again dramatically cleared her throat and was about to say something when my brain finally caught up with what she has said.

'Rebecca James keep your mouth close or I will fill it with hot red chilli sauce and won't give you a drop of water to sooth your burning tongue.' I said in a stern voice. We looked at each other and within seconds we were laughing like maniacs. I could not give legit threats and this is the most I could do, threatening people with hot chilli sauce.

'But you were thinking about him.' she said quietly.

I could not hide a single thought from this girl, so once again I nodded. I told her about my dream and how it ended. She listened patiently and never once interrupted. After I was done I looked at her face expectantly. She knows about my nightmares and I know that she will guide me right. After waiting for few moments she finally spoke.

'From what I can deduce is that he definitely knows you. He might visit you again. And when he does then we will not give him any chance to escape without answering your questions. But right now you need not worry anymore. When he come we will face him together till then be at ease and bake lots of delicious goodies especially that dark cranberry filled biscuits... yummm.'

'Is that drool I see coming from the corner of your mouth.' I teased her knowing that these biscuits were her one of the weakness when it comes to baked goods. She is sweet lover and my baked goodies her tender spot. I watch in amusement as she hastily raised her hand to wipe the non- existent drool. We both laugh when she realize that I got her. Finally I gathered my scattered thoughts and spoke my mind.

'The way he said my name, his voice, that ring of familiarity, all of it is confusing. But what surprised me most was that sense of being sheltered. I felt his urge to protect me and I know deep down in my heart that it was real. If a time comes he will lay down his life for me. I know it sound absurd but that is how I fell and truthfully I am scared of this thought. I do not want him to sacrifice his life for me. I do not want anyone to sacrifice anything for me as I am not worthy of their lives or anything of it.'

'Stop right here Rose. Not another word. I know I can not feel what you feel, I cannot understand it too as I have not suffered from the same fate but you have my support and my love unconditionally. I do not want to hear this stupid rant of being not worthy because you are...every bit of it.' With that she gave me a big hug and I held her tightly. I borrowed some of her strength and my lips involuntarily curved upwards.

'Let's bake your favorite cookies. I will keep some aside from the sales ones so that you could take them home and enjoy with Charlie.'

She beamed at the prospect of having more cookies for home and went out to wait tables. Come on Rose buckle up you have cookies to bake and other cakes too. It is only noon and it will get busier as lunch time arrives. 

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