fighter | sequel to monster ✓

i ruined us

[I.M Changkyun]

Wonho approached me, he couldn't even look in my eyes. He had news I didn't want to hear. "Changkyun, we couldn't find him-"

I had to restrain myself from punching anything around me. The thought of Jooheon being vulnerable in someone else's arms killed me. "What the hell do you mean you couldn't find his body?"

This time Shownu stepped up, he rested his hand on my shoulder. "Not only did Jooheon's body disappear, but so did Jaebum. Jooheon could've had some potential to live, we can't erase that possibility. But we know for a fact Jaebum is alive and back in his estate."

"Why are we just standing here, when we could be making a plan to get my boyfriend back?"

Shownu opened his mouth as if to protest, but I wasn't having it. "I get it, you think he's dead. But if there's any chance that maybe Jooheon is still alive, God only knows how, I plan on trying to save him one last time. So please, Shownu, just back me up or I'll do it alone."

I knew I had gotten harsher and tougher. But it was the only way I'd get through this, it was the only way I'd have a chance at seeing Jooheon again. Nothing was going to stop me from finding him, not even my own family.

***

I hated myself more than ever. I let Jooheon down, I ruined us. I didn't even know what to do with myself anymore. Jooheon's death was my sign that I didn't deserve love or happiness. And quite frankly, I didn't even care. I didn't want anyone else's love anyway.

All I could think about was our last kiss, last hug, last fight, his last words. "I'm so sorry." I made him feel like he was incomplete. I could've told him how much I loved him but I was too worried about him breaking a goddamn pinky promise.

It's not like I'd be leaving the estate any time soon, I needed to perfect myself. I needed to make sure I was strong enough to take down a gang leader and whoever else would get in my way. I needed to be able to kill Jaebum and get Jooheon back. I just have this feeling, I know he's alive. I just need to get him back home, I need to make sure he was safe again.

"Hey Changkyun, you okay?" I turned around, seeing Kihyun in my doorway. I didn't say anything, I just looked at him and I could only imagine the emptiness he saw in my eyes. I wasn't Changkyun anymore, I was a whole different person. I didn't care anymore, about anything.

I avoided his question, and asked one of my own. My feelings were irrelevant and had no meaning anymore. "When did you get here?"

"Right about when you slammed your fist against your desk...You still keep your door unlocked." Kihyun started to make his way towards me, leaning against my bed frame. I wanted him to wrap his arms around me so badly, but I wasn't weak anymore. I didn't need anyone but myself and I made that clear.

"Jooheon used to keep the door unlocked, I guess I should stop that. Anyway, you've just been watching me think?" Kihyun took a deep breath, taking a few more steps to me. He stood in front of me and grabbed my hand.

"You're not the same anymore, you've changed drastically and you're not even trying to help yourself. You should just let us help you, this whole gang just wants you to be you again. Changkyun, you closed everyone off." I ripped my hand away from Kihyun's. That's all I ever hear anymore, desperate members trying to get me to open up to them. I don't need to open up to anyone.

"I don't need distractions or people looking down upon me right now. I'd rather try to get Jooheon back home than hear various people tell me I shouldn't have fallen in love. Do they really think it was a choice? Don't you think I tried not to fall for him!" I wasn't even sad anymore, I was just angry.

I was so incredibly angry at the world. I slammed my fists on my desk, letting out a groan. I'm trying, I really am, why doesn't anyone see that?

I can't sleep anymore without seeing Jooheon's face, his cold and dead eyes.

I can't look in the mirror without seeing a failure.

I can't stand myself. I let him die. I got him killed.

"Changkyun, calm down. I'm here-"

"Get out. Go, please just go. Go before I end up losing you anyway."

But Kihyun never listened. He never left me on my own, he never let me deal with my anger alone. And I didn't know whether I should love him for it or hate him.

Instead he took my hands and led me to my bed. As soon as he laid me down, he sat next to me and ran his fingers through my hair. He told me stories of our parents and his time living in a huge city far away from the estate. For a while I almost forgot why I was upset, but Jooheon always made it back to my mind.

It's hardly been a few days since he 'died' and I couldn't handle myself. I needed him to function, he made me love my flawed self. He made me happy.

Kihyun's hand rested on mine once more. I felt like a little kid in his arms, but also protected. "Changkyun, I promise I'm going to support you through all of this. You're going to be my brother until the end of time. And even if it's only you and me...we're going to find Jooheon. Does that sound like a plan?"

"When do we start?"

"Now."

---

hi! i'm so excited to start this book and i hope you're excited too. there's so many questions that need to be answered in this sequel, and i promise we'll get to them all. i'm thinking this is going to be a two part 'series' so i hope you stick around with the gang <3

**also quick disclaimer**

i might be updating a little slower than usual because i start school very very soon and i still have to complete some assignments still sksk