fighter | sequel to monster ✓

i'm sorry

[Lee Jooheon]

My heart felt as if it were about to explode. I couldn't breathe, I was trapped. Every day I was prisoner to torture and tests. But my heart, it just felt so different. As if it got colder and more dead every day. I felt like I was dying.

I didn't have much emotion anymore. I was almost dormant. I was almost Jaebum's perfect monster, I was almost ready to kill. But I tried everyday to keep him in my mind, to make sure I didn't lose my sense of love. I loved him, my nameless boy.

The boy who had a sea of tattoos that he let me admire. I could almost picture his beautiful eyes, covering his eyes ever so slightly. But I knew his voice, I'd never forget it. I could still hear his voice as he told me he loved me, I could hear him singing in the shower, I could hear him crying after his favorite two characters broke up in his favorite show. I knew everything about him, just not his name.

I didn't care if every single thought was ripped away from me, I just couldn't forget him. I can't get through this without him.

-flashback-

I smiled as I fell to the floor. The last time I had seen Joy she was making plans to meet up again and now she was shooting me. But I didn't feel anything, I was numb. Was this what it was like to die? I wasn't ready to leave.

"No! No, no stop. Jooheon look at me."

His arms wrapped around me tighter than usual, his hands pressed against the wounds in my chest. I couldn't stop smiling though. I reached up and touched his face, I knew he'd never forget this day. I couldn't say anything, I just stared into his glossy eyes.

"You said you'd never leave me. You can't die Jooheon! You have to be okay."

Every breath I took became more and more painful. I had to go, it was my time. I didn't have much time, so I told him everything.

He held me until I couldn't remember anymore.

I drifted off to the sounds of gun shots. I knew it was him. I knew he was making sure everyone paid, because of me.

I woke up and everyone was gone.

In an empty room.

With Jaebum hovering over me.

-flashback over-

I thought I was dead. He thought I was dead. I ruined us. I ruined everything. I just wanted to reverse time. I wanted to avoid this. I wanted to say sorry, to Shownu and Wonho and Kihyun, to everyone. I ruined their brother, their friend.

I'm the reason for his pain. The reason his first kill turned into fifty kills. And I don't know if I'd ever get to say sorry...as myself again.

[I.M Changkyun]

I'd never stop loving Jooheon. No matter what he did to me. No matter where he was. He would always be my first and last love. I knew I'd get him back to the estate, but I was scared.

What if he wasn't the Jooheon I knew?

How long would it take for him to be himself again?

I found myself reading Jooheon's unsent letters to me in my spare time. I sat on my bed and tried to imagine that he was here in the estate, just not with me at the moment. I tried so hard to pretend he was home. But it just made me miss him more.

I could almost hear him talking to me as I read the letters, and it made my heart flutter. I was in love and it was the kind of love that could never go away. Jooheon would always be in my heart no matter what.

But as I read the next letter, I felt my heart stop. I saw his wavy handwriting, and then I saw the date. It was right before our mission. This was written so recent.

Changkyun, my angel.
Words can't express how much you mean to me at this point. Everything about you is a dream come true. I still replay our first kiss in my head time to time, and I count each and every "I love you". I never would've guessed that my best friend would be my boyfriend, my one true love. And that made me think, I want you to be mine. Not just now but forever. I want us to explore the world and adventure out. I want us to have a family and a nice house. I want you to be mine for real. Every word I say adds to my future vows. I don't just want to be your boyfriend, I want to be your husband and your second hand man.
And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you this in person, at least not yet. Not before our mission. I just have this feelings things won't turn out how we imagined them to be. If things do turn out badly, I left something behind for you. There's a small slit in my mattress, on the side facing your bed. Look inside and find a surprise.
I love you forever, I pinky promise.
~Jooheon

I dropped the letter. He knew something was going to happen, he just had this gut feeling. He planned ahead. He planned a future for us even if he couldn't be apart of it.

I rushed over to his bed, ripped the sheets and blankets off the top. All there was now was a bare mattress, and a clear rip in the side.

I stuck my hand in the wide opening. My stomach dropped when my fingers wrapped around the cold item.

I pulled it from the mattress and I couldn't help but cry. A silver, diamond encrusted ring.

Inside the band was an engraving. "I love you forever, I pinky promise."

And attached to it was a note reading, "I'm sorry I couldn't give this to you on my own. You must've gotten my letter. I'll never stop loving you, you're my eternity."

I never wanted to be in Jooheon's arms more.

—-
hi oml, i'm so sorry for the wait for this chapter.

1. i messed up my knee at my first game of the season, i'm stupid i know.

2. i have so much school work it's insane

3. i'm seeing day6 this week and i'm trying to mentally prepare myself !!!!!

and lastly 4. i just published a brand new book!

i hope you guys are liking this book so far. i promise i'll be better with updates :(