BOSS [+18]

34. After

Guess who's back, back again? Yes i'm back and now it's for real!! I'm finally on vacation from university and I have time to write again. I'm so sorry for being away for so long but now i'm back for good and I hope you all are still with me. Enjoy ;)

I guess you don't know how much some things hurt until you feel it, it's that thing "feel it to believe it". When I thought I had experienced some pain in my life let me say I was completely wrong, losing my baby was insanely painful, but I never had it in the first place. But losing Jared, I never thought something could hurt this much, because I had him, at least I thought I did.

But what he did was unforgivable, I watched my mom in an abusive relationship with my dad while I was growing up and somehow I was getting into this with Jared as well, and I can't let myself live that trauma again.

Did he looked like the dream boyfriend? Oh yes he did, but does a dream boyfriend asks for you to choose between a life or him? Does a dream boyfriend physically hurts you. Because he did. I sigh looking at my bruised wrists at the hospital thinking about this over and over.

Of course he tried to contact me, send me gifts, flowers and everything and I refused all his tries. I was at the hospital for three days already and at this point I know he wasn't even is Moscow anymore, just somewhere around Russia with the tour.

After running some test the doctor still couldn't tell what was the reason for the bleeding that caused my miscarriage but she said at least I could have kids in the future, that made me a bit relived even though I couldn't even think about a future now, not without Jared, I left literally everything in my life for him until he was the only thing I had, and now I have nothing.

I was in contact with my older sister Cara and she was setting up some things for me to finally leave this hospital and come back to US and have my life back again. Cara lives with her husband in Seattle and she asked if I wanted to spend some time there and I happily agreed, it would be good to leave all this behind me and especially Jared never find me again.

Rachel also called me and I told her my plan and begged her to don't let a single soul know about it, she was sad for me leaving LA but she knew this was necessary.

And so here I am at the airport lobby in Moscow waiting for my plane shaking with my body filled with nervousness knowing that this would be my last step out of Jared's life, it was painful but necessary.

"I'll be waiting for you when your plane land in LA sis, don't worry you'll be fine" Cara speaks softly on the phone.

"Ok, thank you, I love you C" I say hanging up and going to my plane.

Gladly I had a calm flight and I'm in LA already, jetlagged as fuck and totally not ready to face the reality.

Cara is already waiting for me with a warm smile on her face and her arms wide open to hug me. I just run into her direction and hug her tight letting the tears wash my face, she holds me close without saying a word.

"I missed you" I whisper between my tears.

"Yeah you forgot your big sister" she says chuckling.

"I'm sorry" I answer in a low tone.

"You don't have to be I know how busy life can be" she says letting me go from her embrace.

After that I know I have a lot of stuff at Jared's so I know I need to be there for one last time and the pain hits me making me want to cry again but gladly I have Cara with me to support me.

We arrive at his place and as expected is completely empty, I use my key to get in and rush to our former bedroom to grab everything I got. I try not to look around much because the memories of our good times there definitely don't help to ease the pain. When I have everything ready a little polaroid picture slides from the middle of my stuff. I grab it and take a look feeling the tears invade me once again, it was our picture at Yosemite, the day he told me he loved me. Those memories were like knives hitting me and I just can't take this. But this was a beautiful memory so I decide to grab a pen and write something on it.