You Led Me On

She'll burn our horizons

I can't believe it took me forever to update this. I started writting this chapter yesterday before I went to sleep and today I just reread it again before posting it...I AM SO SORRY FOR MAKING YOU WAIT!

Don't grow up kids, it sucks. Your free time will be taken away from you D:

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Chapter 14 - She'll burn our horizons

Clara

When I think about it, I'm the one to blame; for everything. It was my actions that started everything. It's because of me that Matt and I broke up in first place, it's because of me that I got myself involved in some nasty depressive state, it was because of me that I ended up hurting everyone around me. I hurt Dom, I hurt Matt, I even got Gaia hurt; poor girl, she never done anything to me, and yet I ruined her relationship. Everything around me told me that my only purpose of living was nothing more but to become an obstacle to everyone else. Was there a chance to forgive myself? After everything I've done, I guess my soul won it's very own corner in hell. I had no salvation left, I had no faith left, I didn't have anything else to lose.

-2001-

Let me tell you one of my multiple screw ups. This event in particular was probably the first piece to fall since I got with Dom.

For a whole year, my life seemed to be right. I was completely happy; there was nothing that could bring me down. I was invincible, or at least I felt like it.

But my heart couldn't stand it when I saw Matt and Gaia together.

The looks they exchanged looked so pure and full of love, it felt like poison to me. I realised I didn't have that sort happiness, and I craved it, every inch of me craved it. I began to look at the picture from the distance, I took several steps away and I noticed right away what was happening.

Over time, the light in my eyes began to faint slowly. It happened around four or five months ago when it all began. Since the very first time I saw Matt and Gaia kiss. Slowly, I began to question myself. I didn't feel comfortable. Dom's eyes seemed brighter and brighter with each day, while I just felt colder inside over time. My feelings for Dom weren't fainting whatsoever; however, jealousy was feeding on my blood, it made me weaker.

Since I noticed Dom standing by my side, helping me pick up the pieces of my scattered heart, he held me in his warm embrace; I felt warm, I felt safe; I felt good.

Depression, unlike normal diseases, it comes and it goes; but it never leaves. Since I started dating Dom, I noticed I was starting to become independent from my medication; I began to take my meds once every six or seven weeks. Depression was disappearing from my system an a genuine smile began to appear across my face. That's how good Dom has been with me. He caught me every time I fell, he helped me stand up, he helped me keep my head on the right track.

Whatever it was that Matt and Gaia had, I wanted it. I craved it, my body was asking for it. It was then when I received a strong hit at the back of my head. I tried to suppress those foolish thoughts inside my head, but with time they became heavier and heavier; like when you hold a glass of water, at first it doesn't weight a bit, but as time goes by you begin to feel like the glass gets heavier, even though there's the same amount of water inside. It was a matter of time for me to break down.

Dom found me having an anxiety attack, I was inconsolable, I was broken again. He held me, he wiped away my tears. He remained next to me, trying to distract me from whatever kept me in this state. After three or four hours, I finally managed to calm down, an throughout that long time, he remained next to me; kissing me, cuddling me, giving me all the love I needed and more. I knew I couldn't ask for no one better than him.