Averse Love || Hayes Grier

Chapter 12

Before the door could click shut, something stopped it in it's path. Placing my body weight against the door, I tried to close it as Hayes did the opposite. Hayes obviously being stronger, he opened the door without much of a fight. Realizing I couldn't win, I stopped trying.

"Why'd you run off?" Hayes asked, taking a step closer.

Taking a step back, I looked down.

"Because I did." I responded.

"Can't you give me a better reason?"

"No!" I yelled, rather frustrated.

I continued while Hayes stood with a shocked expression.

"I can't give you a better reason because I barely know why I did it. Okay? Sometimes I think something is one thing, when really its the total opposite. My head just makes up all these scenarios and I can't risk them coming true. Whenever I think things are fine, that little voice tells me I'm wrong. That it's all fake. That no one could ever treat me well and still actually mean it.

I can't go anywhere without the fear of someone hurting me. I can't trust anyone without a part of me thinking it's all going to come to an end. And I hate it. I absolutely hate it.

Do you know what it's like not being able to be yourself because the fear of not being accepted for who you are is too great? Having to hide a part of yourself from the public eye? If anyone knew the real me, they would leave me faster than they already do.

I have to hide who I am just for a little extra happiness. Just a little extra time of having a friend. But nothing stays good forever. And before you know it, it's all gone."

"Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if you lived for the now. Not the past or the future, but now. There's no need to worry about what's to come when you can worry about the present." Hayes says as he wipes away my tears that I hadn't realized were there.

I don't know why I told him anything. I've never explained my feelings like that to anyone, not even Maria.

'You made a mistake. He's going to hold this all against you.'

All the possibilities swam in my head. Countless ways Hayes could hurt me appeared. Some weren't even logical, but I still thought of them. Thought after thought appeared and it was all too much.

I sank to the floor, tears now streaming down my face. My heartbeat quickened as my hands began to shake. I couldn't focus on anything. Everything became a big blur through the salty tears. My hands came to my face, my knees to my chest. I tried to calm myself down but my body wasn't having it. My breathing became ragged and I let out a few weak sobs.

I felt two warm arms wrap around my body. A large hand came to my face, wiping the tears. It began to gently smooth my hair while whispering in my ear.

"Calm down, you're going to be okay. It's all going to be okay."

I recognized the voice as Hayes.

In a stable mindset, I probably would have pulled away. But between the cloudiness that was now my mind and the numbing touch of his warm skin, it seemed as though nothing really mattered.