Catch Me

Chapter 9- Confusion

***Mature content***

My chest exploded with lust. I was butter in his hands. He pulled me to him so hard that it hurt. A good hurt. He was holding my face with one hand while grasping my waist with the other. Those strong hands, I knew I was powerless with how much bigger he was than me and I loved it.

I didn't have a normal idea of love or physical affection. The only sexual touch I had experience with was with my father, his dirty, disgusting body crushing me as he forced me to suck him off and be his "little wife." Because these were my only experiences, I wanted Walter to hurt me. In a loving and safe way. I wanted him to make me feel out of control, small under his weight. I wanted him to call the shots and be in complete control over my body. I tried to convey this as much as possible with my body language, and I think he got the hint.

"Walter I need you. I need more...of you." My voice was barely above a whisper, breathy and needy. I pulled at his waistband, pushing my hips into his, feeling what I could only guess was something massive under his pants.

He plunged his tongue into my mouth, gliding his hands across my breasts, pushing them up and down, rubbing his thumbs over my hard nipples. I could barely contain myself as he slid his hands into my leggings.. He hadn't even moved towards anything private. He just was holding my waist, my hipbones against his fingers.

"Kat. Are you- sure- that you want this right now." He could barely speak above a whisper as he was giving himself over to the heat of the moment.

"Yes Walter. Yes... I need you. I need you now." My voice was practically a moan as I let go of every ounce of control I had been holding onto since I escaped at fifteen.

He pulled my tank top off, sliding my leggings down to my feet, kneeling down in front of me. He kissed along my hips and my stomach, sending shivers up and down my body. I leaned my head back in ecstasy as he licked slowly from my hip bone to the band of my underwear.

Goddamn he knows exactly what he is doing what was he even saying earlier.

I grasped his hair and tried not to shove his face in between my legs as he was taking his sweet time licking across my panties. He was rubbing/supporting my legs with his hands and lifted one slowly from my thighs towards my panties. Running a finger along the lacy edge he pulled one side, then the other down towards my knees. The panties slipped down, exposing me to his mouth.

That mouth. It was every woman's dream. With big lips and soft skin, a tongue that knew every damn trick in the book. He put one of my feet up onto the bed exposing me further to his lips. With his face buried between my legs, I could barely continue to stand. My legs were shaking so bad and I knew I was close.
"Walter...Walter God...." my eyes were rolling as I gasped out his name. My mouth opened as my heavy breaths escaped. I looked down at him, his strong shoulders holding me up. He looked up at me and smiled, his perfect white teeth ....those gorgeous eyes.
I finished. It had climaxed in a beautiful moment that I had never experienced before. I tensed every muscle in my body, digging my nails into his arms as they held the small of my back. He wiped his face on the back of his arm and grinned at me again.
He looked so playful. I had only seen him when he was a professional, no nonsense security man.

I couldn't even speak I just smiled at him. I pulled my underwear back up and he pulled me to him again. With quivering legs he picked me up against him, my legs wrapping around his waist and laid me on the bed gently. He laid down facing me, tracing invisible shapes on my arm as I looked into his eyes.

"I don't even know what to say." I said honestly. I genuinely didn't. My father had just left me in the closet after he did things to me. I didn't know how to be intimate without it being abusive and cruel.

"Say nothing Kat. Just lay here with me." He said kissing my forehead.

I reached for his waistband, working my fingers inside.
He stopped me by grabbing my wrist.
"Kat. Don't. This...today was about you."
I just gave him a confused look. What did he mean "about me."
"Kat you never have to do anything to reciprocate for me. Yes I want you to touch me and I crave your body more than anything. But I just want today, this moment, to be about and for you." He said holding my palm to his chest.
I traced my fingers over his tattoos thinking to myself. I didn't smile. I didn't feel relieved. I just felt confused.  I felt bad. I felt guilt. How could I not do something for him... that was my job...wasn't it?

I owed him.

But I guess he didn't see it like that. My thoughts were clouded with images of my past. I was so far away from this bed, from him, in my mind. I closed my eyes and nestled into his chest with his arm around me. It felt safe.
"Okay Walter." I said quietly as I drifted off with another kiss on my forehead.

Okay.