The Russian Next Door

CHAPTER 41 - I don't want to hear it

DPOV:

I knock on her door. Nothing. I try the knob. Closed. So she didn't come back while I was arguing with Tasha. I try the roof. Empty. Where should I look for her? Think, Dimitri, think! Where could she possibly go? I get out of the building. It is raining. I run to the closest park. She has to be there. She always admires nature when she is feeling blue. And I am right; I find her sitting on a bench with her knees up, staring at nothing.

'Roza?' I say as I am getting closer. Her head snaps in my direction and when she sees me, she immediately gets up. She is looking at me with a glance that is making my chest hurt. She watches me like I am a stranger to her. And maybe she is right. I can feel the hurt into her eyes.

'You have lost your right to call me like that. Don't you ever call me like that.' She says shaking her head.

'Rose, please listen to me. I can explain-'

'No. I don't want to hear it. Go back to your fiancée. What were you thinking, Dimitri? That this whole thing won't come to the surface and I won't get to know the truth? For how long did you think that you could hide this thing from me? What? You thought that I was going to be so in love with you that by the time she would come back I would accept to be some kind of mistress of yours? That I would just simply stand by and watch you marry her? That you would fuck her and while she was sleeping you would get to my apartment and satisfy other wishes with me? Or better than that, were you hoping for a threesome?' Her words were filled with venom.

'Don't say that, Rose. I wouldn't. Not to you.'

'I don't know what to say! I don't know what to think! I was a fucking mess and then I met you and then things kept on getting better and better. You were making me happy. You were so kind to me. And I fell for you. Hard. I loved you. I loved you even in those aching moments when you rejected me and told me that what happened between us was a mistake. I kept on loving you even when I had to pretend that we were just friends. And when you took me to your family's house and Viktoria said that I was one of the very few people you brought there, I thought that I meant something for you. I thought that you were finally going to let me inside.' She came closer and looked me right in the eyes.

'After what Adrian has done to me, you were there for me. But you know what? You are no different than him. You did to me the same thing he did. The only difference is that this time it feels a million times worse. What you thought? Oh, poor Rose, she is a mess. I'd better take advantage of that and bring her into my bed, right? She is such an easy prey. What happened with your moralcode, huh? You lied to me for so long, Dimitri! You are not so different from Adrian. And you had the courage to criticize him. You are such a hypocrite!' I grabbed her wrists trying to make her stop gesturing around.

'Rose, just listen to me. Please.'

'Take your hands off me! Don't you fucking touch me ever again!' she began hitting my chest with her fists. 'You lied to me! You were engaged! Is that why you never told me anything about you? You feared that I will make some connections and I would figure out that you are a lying bastard? I hate you! I gave myself to you! It was so important to me. And I thought that you loved me in return. But I guess the only thing you were after was some fun with the girl next door while your fiancée was away. Seven months! For seven months you have been playing with my feelings. I was so stupid! So damn stupid. I fell for that thing once and I thought that it won't be possible to happen again. But I guess I really know how to pick my men.'

'Just let-'

'No! I don't want to hear any excuse of yours! I'm not falling for your shit twice. You know, I thought I knew you.' She laughs bitterly. 'I guess I didn't. And I thought you were the right guy for me. But I was wrong again. You were never mine for real. Not wholly. And half of you is not enough for me. So go and be her man now. You are free to do so.' She wiped her face. I don't know if she did that because of the rain or because she was probably crying. 'I'm going to leave now. I can't stand to see you right now. I don't want to see you ever again. You make me sick. Don't come seek me or something. And don't you dare follow me.' She takes a few steps.

'We weren't together anymore.' Is all that I find right to say in that moment.

She turns around and laughs loudly. 'I can't believe this. And why didn't you fucking tell me!? Oh, and because the two of you weren't together anymore is the reason her tongue was so deep down your throat, right? Why didn't you push her away? I'll tell you why. Because you seemed to enjoy it, you bastard! But you know what? Too bad for you. Now you'll have to go find another stupid teenager to fall for your bullshit. Go on and play with another one, not me. I am done.'

And I stay there, watching another person that I love leave me.