The Russian Next Door

CHAPTER 32 - The trip back. Furious

The next days passed, and Dimitri was again avoiding me. And every time I caught his eye, his face transformed into a guilty expression. He sure as hell should have felt guilty for giving me false hopes again. The fact is that I tried to stay away from him, and I was doing a pretty good job, and then he came to me and kissed me. He was the one not knowing what he really wants. If he couldn't make his mind, I was in no position to help. So I just simply let him be. I didn't give him much attention.

I spent my days with his sisters, usually talking or helping Olena cook something. I swear, that woman was cooking the best meals ever. I totally loved her black bread, and I could hardly stop eating it throughout the day. And she was always happy to bake some more each time I would come into the kitchen looking for more. She resembled so much the mother I had when I was young. I wished that my relationship with my mother wouldn't have turned into what it is today. But there are some things that you can't change.

In the evenings, I used to be Paul's play buddy, helping him build Lego castles or any other thing his imaginative mind would come up with. He was such a smart kid and so well behaved. It amused me that he adopted some of Dimitri's gestures, and he even told me that he wants to grow his hair. I guess with the fact that Dimitri was the only manly figure around the house, he took him as a role model. Well, that meant that Paul will grow up to be a wonderful man.

Celebrating New Year's Eve wasn't bad either. I began to love Dimitri's family like my own, and they seemed to accept me too. For the occasion, nobody bothered much. We made some food and some people came over, but it was nothing compared to the Christmas gathering. At midnight everybody said 'С Новым Годом!' (it took Vika three days to make me remember these words) and everything ended. Nothing spectacular.

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On the second of January, we had to head back to Moscow. Everybody was sad to see us go. After kisses and hugs (even Yeva hugged me; I was in complete shock when this happened) Dimitri's mother wanted to give me a present. She baked me black bread for the road. I swear to God that that woman was too good with me. I didn't think I deserved all their love. But, that was not the true present. The true present was a little flower pot with an offset. It was a little oxalis.

After Viktoria promised to hunt me down if I won't come to visit, and after Olena simply stroked my cheek and told me 'Take care of him.' (I couldn't tell if she was referring to the little plant or Dimitri), Yeva came to me and pulled me down, so that my ear reached her mouth. The only thing she told me was: 'He's a good man. Be patient with him.'

And we were on our way back. We entered the car and he exited the alley as I was still waving my hand at his family.

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'Would you like to put some music?'

Oh, so we were speaking now?

'No.'

'May I put some?'

'Suit yourself.' I was going to give him the silent treatment that he loved so much.

I didn't care. He may try to talk with me, but I was still pissed. Very pissed. The words of his grandmother kept popping into my head, but in that exact moment I couldn't be patient.

For some time we just listened to music. Then, ''Sign your name'' started. I was in no mood to listen to love songs.

Fortunately you have got
Someone who relies on you
We started out as friends
But the thought of you just caves me in
the symptoms are so deep
It is much too late to turn away
We started out as friends

Sign you name
Across my heart
I want you to be my baby
Sign your name
Across my heart
I want you to be my lady

As I was listening, tears began to form in my eyes. I turned it off. He didn't say a single thing.

Another part of the road was made in silence.

Another five agonizing hours left.

I decided that I would better sleep than to think about all those things.

I woke up as we were at a gas station. He was inside, paying. Then he entered the car.

'You are awake.' I didn't respond.

'I took you some snacks.' I glanced over. Chips and M&M's. My favorites. And I was indeed hungry.

'I'm not hungry.' I said not even looking at him.

'Rose' he said exasperated.

I turned to face him. 'Yes, Dimitri?' a fake smile appearing on my face.

'Stop acting like a child.' I rolled my eyes so hard I thought I broke some muscle.

'I, I am acting like a child? What about you mister maturity in person? What is called what you have been doing for the last seven fucking days?'

'Language, Rose.'

'Oh, give me a break. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I can say that as many times I want, I don't need you permission. Now answer my question.'

'I don't know, okay?'

'Oh, he doesn't know. Let me illuminate you then. You ignored me for the last seven days; pretended that I didn't exist for a whole week. It's okay, we have done that before for longer than that. But we were at your family's house, for fuck's sake, Dimitri. Do you have any idea how embarrassed I felt? They were all so, so, so nice to me. But I could feel the pity in their eyes.'

His face turned into a hurt expression. Perfect! Let him hurt a little. I did that a lot lately.

'But forget about that. We had a deal. Weren't we friends? What do you call what you did on the first day of Christmas? Okay, we danced. Friends do that. But why did you kiss me? Again. Wasn't that wrong? Wasn't that a mistake the first time you did it? Why repeat it?'

'I wasn't myself a back then, I had been drinking a little.'

'Yeah, you did. But I told you didn't have to do it. And what did you respond?'

'That I wanted to.' he whispered.

'What?'

'I said that I wanted to.'

'So, when you are drunk you suddenly want to kiss me, and when you are sober that is a mistake. You know what? I think I'll just walk back home or find a cab or anything else. I can't be near you right now.' I unbuckled my seat belt and got out of the car, heading nowhere. I could only manage to make about five steps before he grabbed me.

'Let go of me. I'm going to scream or something. I'll punch you.' And I really meant it.

'Do whatever you have to do Roza, but listen to me.' I was still struggling to get out of his grip, but I couldn't. 'I wanted to kiss you when I was drunk. I wanted to kiss you when I was sober too, on the roof. The problem is not that I don't want to kiss you. The problem is that I want to kiss you every second.'

At that I stopped struggling and simply looked at him bewildered.