The Russian Next Door

CHAPTER 21 - I'll leave you alone

We got to the living room. He was barely speaking to me. And this thing was driving me insane. I would prefer for him to scream and to scold me. This silent treatment wasn't doing me any good. It was practically torture. And he knew it.

I was walking around the room. There I found a mirror and I was able to see what he had done with my hair.

'Wow, it is really beautiful what you did to my hair. I wouldn't think you were the braiding type.'

'I have three sisters, Rose. I have learned a thing or two over the years.' Yup, short answers. Cold. He was trying to speak to me as little as possible. I told you: tor-ture.

I continued my way around the room, trying to find some subjects of discussion. But nothing came to my mind. This was it, I had to give up.

'Okay, I know what you are doing, and I can tell you that it is totally working.'

'What am I doing?'

'This whole fucking silent treatment. You just stay there and don't say a thing and I can practically feel that you are silently judging me.'

'Language, please.'

'Sorry. But it is so frustrating. I know I fu-. I know I got into trouble last night.'

'Do you, Rose? Do you really understand what could have happened last night?' He was starting to get angry. Well, at least he was speaking to me now. And man, the things he had to say to me. 'Can you even imagine what that bastard would have done to you? What if Ivan didn't recognize you as you crossed past us with that man? What if we weren't in that club? For God's sake, Rose, and you were so drunk! What happened to you? You act so normal one moment and the next moment you just go and do some childish thing like this. What were you thinking? Where did you want to get with that? What did you want to prove? Besides the fact that you can have such an immature behavior.'

That thing again. I loathed being called childish or immature. I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms.

'As I was saying.' was his response.

'I'm sorry. I'm sorry okay?' It was hard to speak, as there was something in the back of my throat blocking my words. 'I didn't do things on purpose. It's just the fact that I wanted to go out and have a little fun, to be around people. Everything was alright, I swear to God. But then I saw him with that girl and something snapped inside me. I got to the bar and wanted to just numb everything. And the next thing I know is that I am dancing and this guy is all over me and I thought...'

'You thought what, Rose?' I didn't say a thing. 'Rose? Tell me.'

'I thought that that man was you, okay? I was so fucking wasted that I thought that man was you, because he resembled you, and he seemed to want me, and I needed to feel wanted because that bastard made me feel like shit and seeing his new girlfriend made me feel so cheap because she was so beautiful. But for the most of the time I couldn't think straight, just like something was clouding my brain. Do you get it? I didn't plan on things turning out like that.' I realized I was crying now. God knows for how long.

'And then you come along get me out of these situations and you keep on being so nice to me on so many occasions, even though you owe me nothing and I was such a bitch to you since the first day we met. Hell, I even punched you. And I keep on bringing shit into your life because I am this fucking mess and you don't deserve it because you are such a nice guy.'

He came closer, sadness filling his eyes.

'And I hated that I was so helpless back then.' I unconsciously touch my bruised wrist. 'I always think that I can handle things but the truth is that I am good for nothing and get myself into the stupidest situations, that I have no goddamn idea how to deal with.' I was talking through harsh sobs.

In a blink of an eye, he wrapped me into his arms. I buried my face into his chest and cried my lungs out.

'Don't hate me, please.'

'I could never hate you, Roza.'

I pulled away fast. There I was, doing it all again. Why was I making life hard for this man?

'I'm so sorry, Dimitri. I'm complicating your life for no reason. You don't have to deal with this mess. I'll leave you alone. You don't deserve this.'

I run upstairs and grab my dress, my purse and my jacket.

I was on my way to the door. He was just staying in the middle of the living room, watching me. Before closing the door, I lastly said:

'And I thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything that you have done for me. I don't think I'll ever be able to repay you enough.'

And I closed the door behind me.